Scared about raising a boy

[Worriedbythestateoftheworld]

I've recently found out I'm having a baby boy. I already have 3 daughters and I was overjoyed when I found out (so not a gender disappointment thread). However I've found the excitement has warn off and I know feel scared of getting this right.

I'm a regular on mn (though name changed for this post) and day in day out there are hundreds of threads about horrible, abusive, lazy etc men hurting and ruining the lives of women. There are so many, I think, well they can't all have suffered terrible childhoods surely? And that's what scares me, how do I ensure I don't raise a boy to become another man who abuses and hurts women? I feel I'm a good parent, but even if I do everything I can 'right' is he still likely to become an abuser?

I feel so scared I'm going to get it wrong. Or no matter what I do, it'll still happen.

Does anybody else feel like this? I don't feel this way with my daughters - though do worry about the world they are growing up into, but not about them personally growing up to be abusive to others.

My husband isn't abusive, nor my brother, dad, grandad etc so I know good men are out there.

jeez people love to over complicate this. Just raise your kids the best you can, you can’t prevent every single problem that they might encounter, but you can teach them how to be as resilient as possible and give them as much security and self esteem as possible. Boys or girls!

@PlatBilledDuckypuss "there are hundreds of threads about horrible, abusive, lazy etc men hurting and ruining the lives of women."

It's important to remember too that quite often posts about men like that have posts from women offering ways for the women concerned to "train" the men. Or saying that "that's what men are like. Or suggesting it's somehow the women's fault. We need to raise men who don't need or want that sort of collusion.

@MissyB1 "jeez people love to over complicate this. Just raise your kids the best you can, you can’t prevent every single problem that they might encounter,"

Of course not. Why do you think men commit over 90% of all violent crime and make up 77% of the people who die through suicide?

It's probably a bit old now but I really liked the book Raising Boys.

I said it earlier that maybe it’s just me but I found that book had a heavy tendency towards stereotypes.