He violated my privacy

[blondequdi]

Ex partner has been staying with me to see if we can work things out.

I was showing him baby photos (he isn't DS's dad) and came across a folder called xxx. He asked me what it was and I told him truthfully - naughty videos of me.

I rarely use my laptop, maybe once a year to back up photos.

Anyway the next day I go to work and he messages me going crazy that I have old sex
Clips of me and my husband (who died) and implies other people. Says I shouldn't have kept them. Sees a screenshot of messages from my ex (I haven't replied to any) and says I should have told him.

I get home and he admits he has been through the whole laptop. He's read the letters DS and I wrote to his dad when he died. He read the text messages. Went through the photos of his funeral and body. (Husband was in an RTA). He went through EVERYTHING

I feel absolutely violated. He KNEW the videos would be from before I ever met him, he just wanted proof I still had them. He admits he had no reason to look at anything but did it cos he wanted to, wanted to prove I had sex stuff and looked at everything else just cos he wanted to.

I feel disgusted. DS was 5 when his dad died and I feel like my ex now knows more about his dad than DS does! He's seen and read things DS has never known about.

He's adamant I should have deleted the sex
Clips... they're from 2007. I had no idea they were there.

I told him he had no right to go through my laptop. We aren't together!

AIBU?

What an absolute piece of shit. Looking at photos of your husbands body? I am so disgusted for you. Thank god he is an ex.

You know yanbu .

Now he has shown you who he is - you have your answer .

Hope you are ok it is a huge invasion of privacy and any justification he tries is just bullshit

Keep him as an ex, vile man, vile behaviour

I'm glad he's an Ex partner.

Who the fuck does he think he is going through your things like that, and then having the audacity to say you shouldn't have kept them.

Have absolutely nothing to do with him, and cut all contact. What this person did is abusive amd controlling. He has potential to be very damaging to your life. Keep well away.

Good, I’m glad he’s left as I was going to say you should kick him out. He’s shown you exactly why he should remain an ex, he’s a pathetically insecure, weak, inferior and controlling man. You can do better.

And for anyone who thinks he’s right about her keeping videos - why? Men constantly wank over videos of other women having sex online and we largely accept that, but a woman can’t keep a video OF HERSELF? Get to fuck.

Everyone is entitled to privacy and yours was violated.

However, I think most of us would have a problem with our partner hanging on to videos of them having sex with their ex.

He isn’t even her partner.

He was an ex for a reason. You forgot that reason and let him back in. Now you've had another lesson. Get rid of him, be firm and get your peace back. You deserve better, don't you? If you allow him to stay, you can't say we didn't try to warn you.

What on earth does he think gives him the right to do that

Because he's an entitled man with no scruples, and possibly immature, controlling, or plain disturbed. Give him no more thought. At least you found out now before you gave it another go. Others here can point you in the right direction if you think there is a chance he's taken the footage.

You have every right to keep whatever videos, photos or other electronic or physical items which relate to your relationship with your dead husband. Do password protect it though if it's x-rated or otherwise very private like the RTA photos.

What even if it was with your dead husband?

it's YOUR FAULT?!?!?!

The fact he even tried to justify his actions rings alarm warning bells! Sounds like you have had a lucky escape from this person!

I'm so worried he might have something on his phone that he took from my laptop. How would I ever know? Before he left he let me go through his phone and I checked photos (and trash), sent emails, Facebook messages, what else is there... he is the nasty type when he's wounded (like because I left him) so I'm worried he will make some of the stuff he found public.

Name change fail.

Absolutely this. Why would you?!