To think people in the UK are very lax generally about children being left alone?

[Toxicityofourcity]

Not from the UK. Some of the threads on here baffle me when it comes to leaving children alone. Children as young as 10 and 11 getting themselves home from the school, bus etc and letting themselves into an empty house. Being left for a few hours on their own. Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF? I just don't understand. This is not something that's done in my country at all. Is it a cultural thing? Do people not worry about house fires, accidents, abductions etc.? I just really don't understand it. But here on MN it seems totally acceptable?

That’s a rather unfounded generalisation OP.

No, there's no law relating to this, just as there isn't in England. The only document I've seen the age of 14 mentioned as an age under which children shouldn't be left unsupervised for more than a short time in is a guide from Tusla (Child and Family Agency) aimed at immigrants newly arrived in Ireland, which is as much about transitioning to new cultural norms as about legal things like marriage ages etc. But DS's class (11 and 12 year olds) are from a variety of ethnic and national backgrounds, and I think would virtually all have considerably more freedom than this.

I actually find the opposite. People are crazy over-protective.

@Turfwars 11 is a tricky age isn’t it. That is a great set up with your friend.
We live rurally too and work 20-25 minutes drive away plus have nice neighbours that DS would happily call into if he ever needed an adult. 90 minutes commute is very far if he needs you.
I am on maternity leave and eldest DS has just finished 1st year so happily so need to be left alone all day for him although he usually wants to stay home alone when I run errands unless I am going somewhere he wants to go.

I'd hazard that probably all of my friends (and myself) had been left for about a week or so at least once by age 16 if parents were going on holiday or going to see family. It was completely normal.

I was walking to and from school in Year 4. By year 5, I'm pretty sure all my class were (bar a couple of children with special needs, or who lived beyond walking distance). My parents worked funny hours so it was a bit hit or miss whether they'd be there when I got back.

If they weren't, I'd make myself a cup of tea and something to eat, have the TV to myself, read, do homework and any chores I was supposed to be doing. I loved it and there were never any issues.

I was born in 1995, so not exactly the days of yore. There's no reason, really, why children today should be utterly incapable of it.

Old timer here, 63 amd born/raised in a realtively urban but partly rural bit of the West Riding. Subsequently had my own kids born/raised here in West Northants.

At age 7 (probably) I found my own way, on foot, the mile or so home from school after missing the neighbour who was walking a group of us home. Bit of a fuss at the time but was subsequently allowed to do my own thing. Mum was at home.

At senior school (age 11 on) we all walked or bussed home. Sis and I both had keys and let ourselves in. By that stage Mum was working so we were alone together with TV etc for an hour or more.

Left on my own overnight from around 14 and for a week or so while parents/sis were on a holiday I wanted not to go on at 16. Youth Hostelling on my own at 16/17 - but at that time it was allowed from 12.

None of that was exceptional, indeed it was the norm.

Pretty similar with my two. The dangerous part wasn't being on their own in the house; it was crossing a couple of estate roads where people drive too fast.

Son flew home alone from France at 14 - we met him at the airport.

OP's reluctant to say where she's from but the use of CPS implies North America. I would say that children here are under the direct control of parents for far too long, there are posts on here panicking that an11 year old will be walking to school without parental supervision in September. By Year 6 an 11 year old should be able, other conditions allowing, to walk to school or travel on a bus if needed, if they can't then their parents have been neglectful.

She's said she's from Ireland.

I was about to go to university aged 16

Where are all these threads about 10 and 11 year olds coming home to an empty house? I don't think I've ever seen one. Please quote the relevant threads.
I saw the 16 year old one looking after the cats but I haven't seen anything else similar.

Stop saying "where I'm from". Surely it must be clear to you by now, after 16 pages of thread, that it isn't the same in the UK as "where you're from" and it isn't the same in Dublin as "where you're from". You do things differently "where you're from". You can decide what is appropriate for your children but stop with all the faux-shock about kids using public transport and being left alone for a couple of hours.

I think kids in the UK are more babied than when I was growing up in the 80s. I was going to the shop at 6. Getting the bus and train to school in a major city every day from the age of 10. Going to the park alone at a similar age. Meeting friends in the city from 13. Long train journeys alone to relatives during the summer holidays from 14.

Children need to learn to be independent. It doesn't happen by magic at 18.

Years ago there was a thread here about a woman in Scandinavia somewhere, asking if her 6 or 7 year old was fine to ski to school alone through a remote forest. Wish I could find it!

First time DD went home from school without an adult but with friends: 10. Her dad was usually home from work by the time she got home.
First time she went home alone from school: 11, Yr 6.
First time she was left alone for a few hours: 10.
First time she was left alone all day: 11/12, start of Year 7. I work shifts and her dad earlies, so she sometimes wouldn't see an adult until about 4pm.
First time left overnight: 16
First time left for three nights: 16.

I am NOT a liberal parent, and neither is her dad.

You can't get childcare for teenagers. It's unheard of in London. You can encourage them to join after-school clubs but chances are they'll be abandoned so, there's nothing else.

My brother lives in Tokyo. His twins were expected to walk themselves to and from school at 6. Busy roads. Traffic. Etc. Societal norm. Young children not much older run errands too. Pop to the shops etc.

My brother’s boys used to take themselves to football, 45 mins each way on the train from about 8.

it’s different. But it was the norm. And they are super independent and confident kids.

I find a lot of children in the US have waaaaaaay more freedom than my children will have. But that’s a huge sweeping statement about a country where obviously a lot of parents will be stricter or the same as me. Same as the UK stop bloody generalizing based on a few things!! But I do see American children getting the bus alone aged 5 and it’s not something my children will be doing. I don’t allow my children to play out unsupervised but will once they get to 10/11 as long as they check in with me. Here I see children age 6-7 playing out alone.

Might be talking about me, my daughter did ski to school alone through the forest at 6/7, during the brief winter when she actually liked skiing

I'm in Ireland and what you are saying isn't my experience at all. Maybe things are done differently out in the sticks but in the city its perfectly acceptable for an 11 year old who is in secondary school to make their way to and from school and even (shock) let themselves into an empty house for an hour. We have to teach our children to be independent and I know it's difficult to cut the apron strings but I was doing similar at 11 and my 11 year old nephew makes his way to and from school most days and meets friends at the weekend and spends the afternoon with them.

I think I'm in the same part of Ireland as the OP and my ten year happily walks home from school by herself and so do her friends. One person has recently moved house so now catches the bus across town and it's not a school bus it's the normal bus. My DD and her friends have started going together to the shopping centre every now and then after school. The world OP talks about is alien to me.

Yes, really hoping it'll work for us. I'll do M-T at home and take her lad, and W-T-F she'll take mine. I do the Saturday sports run for them so it evens up. I might even see if other parents are interested in joining our pool, the back up might be handy!

We do have brilliant neighbours that we can call on in an emergency, but a couple of dodgy ones too!

When they are in secondary, he'll take himself to the top of the road for the bus and back - and I'd have no issue with him letting himself in and having a couple of hours alone a few times a week but for the 12 weeks of the summer if I'm gone from 7am to 7pm even if he's totally capable, fwho's too far from a friend's house to hang out, it's a lot of solitude for a young person.

Where are all these threads about 10 and 11 year olds coming home to an empty house? I don't think I've ever seen one.

When my sister started secondary school she used to come home and nobody would be there until 5:30ish when our parents got home. When I started, it was just the two of us, so 11 and 13. It was never an issue, seemed totally normal. We watched a DVD and ate snacks on the sofa.

I am from Ireland. I have lived both in Dublin and rurally and I have no idea what on Earth the op is on about and to be honest from the tone and tenor of her posts I think there is an element of goading going on here.

You sound like a helicopter parent whose kids will struggle when they have to live alone tbh. This is no better parenting than those who are neglectful or expect too much independence too soon.

In Scotland occasionally you do have sixteen year olds starting university (a friend of mine did) and seventeen year olds in Halls of Residence is quite usual. It seems utterly mad to me that anyone would want their child to go from "never left alone overnight" to "living independently" in a single step. Surely it's saner for teens to be left overnight for one night, then a few more etc.

The rule my family had with me and I followed with mine was that from the age of about 10 I was allowed to walk home from school with friends/alone, but there was someone at home so it was basically a ten minute walk through the village. I was also being sent out and about to run errands at that age and I think was allowed to go cycling with friends alone and have a picnic in the fields (very rural upbringing).

Once I started secondary school, I got the bus home alone and was in the house by myself for an hour or so until parents got home from work. Then I think when I was 13 or 14 I would be left alone for longer - so, they would go out for an evening. Alone overnight from 16. It felt like a reasonable slow transition to adulthood.

I've left mine on their own for periods of time since they were 9/10 as they're too old to go to a childminder and didn't always want to come to work with me. What are you supposed to do during the school holidays?! They're in their teens now and if I have to work a full day they have to entertain themselves. I know they're sensible enough not to burn the house down, can feed themselves, will lock up the house if they go out to meet friends etc and can phone me in an emergency or knock on a neighbour's door.
I'm not sure where people live whose houses are prone to bursting into flames and people on the lookout for home alone children to abduct (they'd soon return mine in a jiffy!)?!

I left home at 15. No reason, just thought I'd grown up.
Realise now as a 50 year old how bad that was.
Not sure what my parents were thinking but they allowed it 🤷‍♀️

I'm from Ireland but lived in Europe quite a bit. Irish people absolutely over parent, hand feed, police, helicopter parent. I have Dutch and French freinds here that think its insane. I'm going to a wedding next week for one night and my 13 and 16 year old are alone. Thats completely fine. When I look around how Irish kids are parented it baffles me. They literally cannot go get an ice cream without being phone tracked, dropped off in a car... I think you are probably very cautious. You mention abduction in your thread and I thought you lived in Somalia or Iran or somewhere. Friends in University asnd Graduate positions trell me of the complete inability of kids to do basics in college and work - a lot of falling down academically because of the points race for college.