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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed that he took the toys?

84 replies

MiniMileaway · 18/06/2023 20:19

BF spends a lot of time at my house, even when he has his DS EOW.
That’s fine - his DS and my kids get on well and we have a lovely time together, so much so that I invested in a toy box for my living room for DS to keep some things in so that he has toys to play with / things to do when he’s here.
When it came to going back to his mum’s tonight, though, BF let his DS pack up a lot of the toys and take them with him AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
neverenoughchelseaboots · 18/06/2023 20:20

Did you buy the toys or just the toy box?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 18/06/2023 20:20

Yabu.

Did anyone ask you to buy the toy box? Of course he wants to take his toys with him wherever he goes.

HotPenguin · 18/06/2023 20:21

If they are his toys then what's the problem? If they are your kids toys then yanbu.

Floralnomad · 18/06/2023 20:21

Did you buy the toys , it’s not clear

Original poster
MiniMileaway · 18/06/2023 20:25

Apologies, I didn’t phrase that very well. Yes, I bought toys to go in the toy box, too.

I’d discussed it with BF and said that it was so his DS had stuff to play with when he is here

OP posts:
Crunchingleaf · 18/06/2023 20:26

Does your BF live with you? I think if he lives with you then it’s important that child has stuff that lives in dads house and other things that live in moms house. So child doesn’t feel like a visitor when seeing dad.
Did the child want to bring them or did your BF just decide they could be sent to the mothers.

Original poster
MiniMileaway · 18/06/2023 20:29

BF has his own home.

Earlier in the day, BF had told his DS that the toys were for playing with here, but when it came to leaving, he packed them into a bag and took them all.

I just don’t want DS expecting that I’ll replace things all the time.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 18/06/2023 20:30

YANBU - see if he turns up with any toys to play with next visit.

Sprinkles211 · 18/06/2023 20:30

Things belong to the child not to the house

EggInANest · 18/06/2023 20:36

Sprinkles211 · 18/06/2023 20:30

Things belong to the child not to the house

IF the toys were given to the child as a gift, yes.

But these toys belong to the OP. What if the child enjoyed playing with her kitchen utensils, her iPad, books from her childhood that she kept on her shelves? Should they all be available to go back to Mum’s house?

Don’t replenish the box. BF needs to sort it.

Goldbar · 18/06/2023 20:38

YANBU. My DC has toys at both grandparents' that stay there so he has stuff to play with at their houses and he visits a lot less frequently than EOW.

If you buy any more toys for the toy box, I would tell both of them that they are "your" toys, but DS is welcome to use them when he visits.

We have toys in our house that we refer to as being mine or DH's (mostly a few old puzzles, teddies, lego sets etc that we've had for years) - DC can use them but is expected to take special care of them and put them back carefully afterwards.

lalaloopyhead · 18/06/2023 20:42

My Mum bought toys for my kids to play with at her house but I never considered that they belonged to my kids! How very strange of your BF to take them...have you asked why?
YANBU at all.

Crumpleton · 18/06/2023 20:47

IMO I don't think you're BU.

It's not that unusual to keep a seperate box/basket of toys in the home for DSC/DP's children to play with when they stay/stop by.

It doesn't sound like you gave them to the DC directly as a present and your BF had already told DC the toys were to be kept at your house therefore he should have made DC put them back.

Wait and see if he brings them back next week and if he doesn't I wouldn't replace them, just unfortunate that unless your BF replaces them DC will not have any to play with.

grayhairdontcare · 18/06/2023 20:47

Reckon he has probably passed them off as toys he's bought so he looks good

SpringIntoChaos · 18/06/2023 20:50

Tell him to fetch them back! Or replace them...either way he's a cheeky fucker (but will probably try to blag his way out of it!) How bloody rude!!

truthhurts23 · 18/06/2023 20:51

grayhairdontcare · 18/06/2023 20:47

Reckon he has probably passed them off as toys he's bought so he looks good

i was just about to type this!

gamerchick · 18/06/2023 20:51

Well you know what you're not going to do in future.

truthhurts23 · 18/06/2023 20:53

correct me if im wrong OP but didnt you technically buy the toys for your kids and his ds to share? which means they should stay in your home
im not sure why your bf took it upon himself to give his ds toys that you bought for everyone.
maybe if it was just one toy that he had taken a liking to , then it would be ok
but it dooes sound like hes trying to act like he bought the toys

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 18/06/2023 20:53

Then they bring them back next time they visit and if jot you say well daddy and you took them away so now there no toys left here and if you want some you will have to bring them back or ask daddy to replace them. Simple.

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/06/2023 20:53

How old is the child and what were they told?

'Here are some toys, they live here for you to play with'

'I got you some toys'.

Don't buy any more in a hurry, if child turns up next time without toys, and is bothered by this, point out that they need to bring them back or there won't be any toys there!

hattyhathat · 18/06/2023 20:53

Fine box stays empty. This is different to if you'd given the kid toys. My nan used to have a box of toys they lived there for all kids to play with.

kitsuneghost · 18/06/2023 20:56

If you are in a split home you should buy 2 of everything so they have their current favourites in each house

SpringIntoChaos · 18/06/2023 20:59

kitsuneghost · 18/06/2023 20:56

If you are in a split home you should buy 2 of everything so they have their current favourites in each house

It's not the OPs child so she doesn't have to buy anything!! Ffs! 🤦‍♀️

kitsuneghost · 18/06/2023 21:03

SpringIntoChaos · 18/06/2023 20:59

It's not the OPs child so she doesn't have to buy anything!! Ffs! 🤦‍♀️

Show quote history

Deary me. I didn't mean specifically OP for goodness sake.

hattyhathat · 18/06/2023 21:05

kitsuneghost · 18/06/2023 20:56

If you are in a split home you should buy 2 of everything so they have their current favourites in each house

No you shouldn't that's ridiculous. The parents should be adults and let them move toys between houses