To be a bit miffed that he took the toys?

[MiniMileaway]

BF spends a lot of time at my house, even when he has his DS EOW.
That’s fine - his DS and my kids get on well and we have a lovely time together, so much so that I invested in a toy box for my living room for DS to keep some things in so that he has toys to play with / things to do when he’s here.
When it came to going back to his mum’s tonight, though, BF let his DS pack up a lot of the toys and take them with him AIBU to be annoyed?

Oh that's annoying OP and really kind of you to do in the first place.

Those toys won't come back and I expect have been passed off as a gift from his Dad. He'll probably turn up with no toys again next time and want to borrow your DC's again, therefore you've spent time & money and the problem isn't solved.

YANBU My granddaughter has toys here to play with when she's at our house. She knows they stay here and she loves rediscovering them when she visits.

On a side note, why are you "hosting" this man and his child all the time? Hosting is expensive and an effort.

No children do not need 2 sets of the same stuff at split houses, who had the time or money for that nonsense. Mine brought any favourites back and forth. You should’ve said at the time no sorry these stay here to play with next time. Bf should’ve said too. Bit late to worry about it now I guess. Tell him he’ll just need to bring stuff from his house in future

Im baffled by this. You bought toys for your step son - fantastic very good of you. But you want your step son to only play with them when he is staying at home with you? I think that is unreasonable.

It’s hard enough to be a child going between two homes without adults dictating which toys can only be in which house. If you say the toys you bought him he can’t take with him to his other home, then they’re not a gift. They’re not his toys. They’re your toys and you only let him play with your toys when he is with you.

I think that’s really petty. Of course you should not replace the toys, but give the kid the freedom to take HIS favourite toys back and forth between his two homes. If his mum takes his toys and sells them/whatever then your DH should address that with her as that is abusive parenting.

I’d discussed it with BF and said that it was so his DS had stuff to play with when he is here

YANBU

you did a nice thing and were clear about it. It's common for people (grand-parents, uncle and auntie, friends) to keep some children toys for the visitors. Children usually look forward to play with them again next time they visit.

Now there's not many or no toy left for next time he is around. What is your BF planning on doing? Buy some more to replace them? He is BU.

BF spends a lot of time at my house,

the child, and the BF, DO NOT LIVE THERE!

Im baffled by this. You bought toys for your step son - fantastic very good of you. But you want your step son to only play with them when he is staying at home with you? I think that is unreasonable.

It really isn’t. 🙄

Text him and tell him to bring the toys back. The intention you had was very clear, the toys were there to be played with at your house. I’d listen very carefully to your bf’s answer.

Your boyfriend is a twerp. Tell him to get the stuff back, it wasn’t his to give away.

Those toys were thoughtfully bought by you so his 8yo would have something to play with at your house when he visited.

YANBU. Its most likely a simple misunderstanding. Many kids at 8 still need very clear instructions and maybe BF didn't realise either? Is say next time BF is bringing DS remind him to bring back the toys for your toy box and make is very clear to the child and Dad that these toys are for this house.

No I would be pissed off, they are toys you bought so he would have toys to play with when he was in your house, they were not a present or a gift to be taken away.

So, say your MIL gives you a gift of a book to read, and then objects when you take it away with you because she says that book is meant to be so you have something to read when you are visiting her? That’s reasonable? Sorry I don’t agree.

Perfectly reasonable to have toys which stay at your house for visiting children, and he's old enough to understand that,
(I still have a small toy cupboard on the go; on a recent visit, my undergraduate goddaughter made a beeline for her childhood favourite, as a reminder of younger days; she accepted quite happily, as a tiny, that this was where they lived.)
Next time a visit is planned, send a reminder in advance that this was your intention when buying them, clearly expecting them to be returned.
As PP said, his response will tell you a great deal.
Not the slightest possibility of replacing them.

My mam as a gm has always kept toys in her house for her grandkids over the last 30 years. Things like lego, cards, board games etc. They have gotten great usage and no-one ever felt the need to take them home. Your bf and his 8yo are being complete jerks. If they don't bring them back definitely don't replace them. Real jerk move to such a lovely gesture from you.

Yeah I don't think they should have been taken. Most people who have children visiting their home if their own children aren't in that age bracket have a box of toys. Mine are all out of baby age but I keep a small box as my friends are still having babies. Id ask boyfriend to replace or bring back.

I have a box of toys for young children to play with when they come round. I want the whole family to feel welcome.

The toys are mine. Not the visiting child's.

Same here. My Mum had a toy cupboard at her house and all of her dgc played with them and they remained there for the next time they went.

This and if bf comments remind him he would have had something nice to play with if he hadn't sent them to his Mum's house.

I do not think you are unreasonable. You bought him toys for your house to play with whilst he is at yours. You did not gift him toys to take him - it's very different. Maybe you should of said they are toys for everyone and not just him. I would be telling your boyfriend to make sure they are returned to your house as they weren't just for him to enjoy!

But if the child had favourite toys at his Mum's every time he visits his Dad and OP he is arriving without them every single time, then expecting to play with OP's children's toys. Why do you think this is if favourite toys go two ways?

We have the opposite problem, grandparents let DS take toys home to our house. Toys then subsequently go missing and/or grandparents ask for them back as they have nothing at theirs for DS to play with, it's a royal pain in the arse.
Yanbu toys at your house should stay there unless specified otherwise.

My MIL has a few boxes of toys for visiting children. Some Fisher Price and lego going back decades, some new.

She also gives gifts to the children.

There has never been any confusion between the 2, even among the youngest children 😂

My family member has a bookcase full of books on their landing, and I know I'm welcome to read any of them if I didn't bring anything to read with me. I might possibly ask to take one home with me if get halfway through and didn't finish, and bring it back next time. I don't empty their bookshelf into the boot of my car when I leave.

The DS didn’t take all the toys either…I would presume he wasn’t finished playing with them.

I get the thinking, seems totally reasonable right?

But it's just so difficult in reality. You've just provided new toys and now he can't continue to play with them, they aren't really his because he has to leave them behind etc. It's a bit shit.

In the end (back in the day when I was a SM) it was easier to just let them come to the understanding that if everything went home, it would leave nothing there to play with and so they would need to bring things back and forward.