Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed that he took the toys?

84 replies

MiniMileaway · 18/06/2023 20:19

BF spends a lot of time at my house, even when he has his DS EOW.
That’s fine - his DS and my kids get on well and we have a lovely time together, so much so that I invested in a toy box for my living room for DS to keep some things in so that he has toys to play with / things to do when he’s here.
When it came to going back to his mum’s tonight, though, BF let his DS pack up a lot of the toys and take them with him AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Original poster
MiniMileaway · 18/06/2023 21:07

Thanks all for your thoughts.

I was clear with BF’s son (who is 8 btw) that I’d bought the toys so he had something to do whilst he was here.

My kids have been very gracious previously about him using their things, but they are a little older and BFs son is not very careful.

I was trying to do something nice so that he felt welcome and not be bored.

I will speak to BF and see what he says, but will not replacing things either.

OP posts:
AmyDudley · 18/06/2023 21:10

If you are in a split home you should buy 2 of everything so they have their current favourites in each house
nonsense - children are quite able to understand that certain toys are to play with in certain houses. In fact it is more exciting for them if they don't see the same toys all the time here ever they happen to be.

How old is the little boy OP?
Have you said anything to your BF ? I'd be annoyed, at least if he'd taken the toys back to his own house then there is a chance you'd see them again. But I doubt they'll ever come back from his Mum's (because as a pp said he's probably told her he bought them for the child.)
I certainly wouldn't buy any more toys (which is sad for the child, but not your problem to sort) but if his dad wants him to have things to play with at your place, he's going to have to refill the toy box.

saraclara · 18/06/2023 21:15

Maybe the kid was excited to have new toys and wanted to continue playing with them?

Yes, DH should have self-contained to him that they were for your house and/or asked you if it's okay before packing them, but I think it's more likely that them being packed was initiated by the boy than it being the dad trying to show off to the other parent

TooJoy · 18/06/2023 21:18

If they’re his toys and not your DCs then it’s fine to take them home.

My neice always brings toys from her mums when she stays with my brother.

I would be getting your DP to encourage him not to take them though it just take 1 else if he forgets them he’ll have nothing to play with next time.

Badabingbadaboomm · 18/06/2023 21:21

If they’re his toys and not your DCs then it’s fine to take them home.

I disagree because I guarantee those toys will not be brought back, then OP’s DC will be expected to share their toys again and have the risk of them being broken etc as OP has said the 8yo isn’t the most careful.

Speak to BF, say the toys need to come back and stay in your house so your DC don’t have to compromise on their own things.

Cherrysherbet · 18/06/2023 21:25

Tbh I don’t think this would worry me at all.

He’s got the toy box at yours now, so why does it matter if he brings a bag of toys to put in it each time?

If they are for him, why can’t he take them between houses? I couldn’t get excited over it personally.

LunaLula83 · 18/06/2023 21:29

Oh well, hope he remembers to bring them back for next time. Oops

GrannieD · 18/06/2023 21:30

First thought was Ann Summers type toys when I saw the title......

Lacucuracha · 18/06/2023 21:40

YANBU. Tell them there for the toy box and should be returned.

I would see this as a red flag for entitled behaviour.

Sewingdufus · 18/06/2023 22:15

YANBU. You bought the toys to enter him at your house. You didn’t buy them or give them as a gift. They should not have been taken. I’m glad to see you won’t be replacing them. 8 is old enough to understand the boundaries and consequences. I think it’s a BF issue.

Theunamedcat · 18/06/2023 22:25

Everytime he tries to share your children's toys say no you have your own in your box that I bought you

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/06/2023 22:41

I’d have told him that those toys stay at yours, for him to play with when he comes. Reasonable enough.

My Gdcs sometimes want to take toys I keep for them here, home with them. I explain nicely why not. (And apart from anything else, they’ve got zillions of toys at home!)

Rogue1001MNer · 18/06/2023 22:56

Have you spoken to your BF since he left?

ShandaLear · 18/06/2023 23:01

Why don’t you just message ‘remember to bring back DS toys next week or he’ll have nothing to play with’.

PuffinsRocks · 18/06/2023 23:04

YANBU. This is the same as grandma and granddad's house, where most kids have a few toys to play with, but when they leave, they would usually leave the toys. Your BF is a CF.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 18/06/2023 23:20

CF behaviour. Id be telling BF he needs to buy some new toys for your box, see what he does, it will be telling.

Original poster
MiniMileaway · 19/06/2023 11:23

Didn’t get a chance to talk to BF about things last night, but I will mention it later.

Think I will approach it along the lines of, “I was surprised you let DS take all the toys to his mums last night…” and take it from there.

I’m feeling quite cross about it today as I’ve realised that as well as the toys he owned and played with, at least one other, unopened set has been taken, too…

OP posts:
MzHz · 20/06/2023 14:24

If you can’t have a basic discussion (a) with your pisstaking boyf OR his NT EIGHT year old that he can’t take things from your house then you either have an enormous relationship problem or you yourself are too meek and mild for your own good and you’re a total push over.

if the latter is true then how the fuck have you managed to negotiate life, love, kids, work etc @MiniMileaway

when you saw the toys being packed up was the time to say “erm excuse me, but those toys stay here, please put them back in the toy box so that they’re there for next time you’re here”

MzHz · 20/06/2023 14:24

You know you’ll NEVER see those toys again, right?

MzHz · 20/06/2023 14:26

“Unopened set” ?

if that’s Lego, it’s probably already on eBay

londonrach · 20/06/2023 14:28

Yanbu. My granny and grandparents had box of toys at their house. I knew from toddler age those toys stayed there until we visited again and meant my cousin's could use them too. In fact that box of the toys for a highlight of our trip to grandparents

ifIwerenotanandroid · 20/06/2023 14:31

MiniMileaway · 19/06/2023 11:23

Didn’t get a chance to talk to BF about things last night, but I will mention it later.

Think I will approach it along the lines of, “I was surprised you let DS take all the toys to his mums last night…” and take it from there.

I’m feeling quite cross about it today as I’ve realised that as well as the toys he owned and played with, at least one other, unopened set has been taken, too…

Follow up being surprised by telling him he needs to bring all those toys back (including the unopened one, still unopened) or pay to replace the lot.

EllaRaines · 20/06/2023 14:32

Yes I would be annoyed.

The whole idea was for the child to have some toys at yours so that he doesn't have to bring things from home and was a lovely kind and generous gesture on your part so that when boyfriend brings him to your home he has his own playthings.

J0S · 20/06/2023 14:34

Insist that your Bf replaces the toys, so his son has toys to play with at your house.

Or have the visits happen at your Bfs house and not yours .

Id keep a very close eye on things with the BF he sounds as if he’s using you for childcare etc.

wutheringkites · 20/06/2023 14:35

What kind of toys were they?