18 ur old and rent

[Freshstarts23]

I know there’s a similar thread going but my situation is quite different.

My dd is 18 in a few months. Left school after GCSE’s, no college or uni. Went straight into full time work. She works very hard and earns decent money for her age. Usually clears about £1800 now, and has been in the £1400 region since 16. Doesn’t have anything to pay out.

She doesn’t spend a great deal of time at home, mainly due to working so much (more than 40 hours usually) and different shifts. When not at work, she sees friends. She sleeps at home on average 5/6 nights a week. This used to be a lot less. She obviously showers and everything here but doesn’t eat here often. She eats at work or sorts herself out.

I haven’t really provided much for her since she left school as she’s always had a decent sum of money to but her own clothes etc. she also smokes weed which I obviously didn’t want to fund.

Anyway, now she’s soon to be turning 18 I think it’s fair she starts contributing. I’m a single parent with another child, I work. Moneys tight but I manage fine.

She also hasn’t saved anything which is a shame. I’d like to ask her from some money every month and save some secretly for her too but I don’t know how much is reasonable to ask for. She’s spoke about wanting to move out but we live in a high cost area so it’ll be virtually impossible for her.

I’d be thrilled if mine moved out. She’s a pain in the arse 😂 I don’t think she’s ever offered to take me out for dinner, no. I’ve forced her into paying for a takeaway once or twice.

You’ve already been given my suggestion, you tell her how much she has to pay if she wants to continue living under your roof, along with chores that are hers. If she refuses, then she moves out. She clearly has places she could stay for a few days, she’s not going to be on the streets, you said yourself she stays out a lot.

That’s obviously completely different though. My dd isn’t saving for anything. She’s also earning more than me.

I'd suggest what I said earlier. And yes, if she causes trouble if you change the locks I would call the police.

Ideally I’d like her to contribute 200 and save a few hundred. But saving is just not on her radar. Not long term anyway. She’ll do it for things in the near future but trying to get her to think about house deposits is pointless.
it’s actually sickening when I think what can be done with that amount of disposable income. She could be saving an absolute fortune. Realistically she could put £1000 a month away and still have £200 disposable. She would say this was impossible as she needs money ‘to live’. Live meaning buy food and weed because I can’t see what else she spends it on.

I get by ok but don’t have much left after bills. Certainly not enough to save, so the contribution would be helpful.

I think she will come around to the idea. I’ve not implied that it’s optional. I’ll try and bring it up again in a couple of weeks and see if her opinion has changed.

and that would be the end of our relationship. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.

You need to sit down with her and explain the reality of her financial future. Show her the numbers of what she could be saving and the kind of deposit she could be building right now while she is living cheaply at home. Show her a sample budget for living on her own with her income. Include absolutely everything.

Don’t just have the conversation, teach her because she obviously missed this lesson somewhere along the way. Plenty of teens do somehow. They are the ones that spend the rest of their lives struggling with money. She still has the chance to change that.

Sorry...I know our circumstances are different OP. What you've suggested re playing board etc are totally reasonable. If she's not up for saving, I'd suggest either 'charging' her extra so you can put it in a pot then a few months/years down the line show her what saving can achieve and hope she'll realise the benefits of it or don't save anything extra for her at all but have a chat with her about the benefits of saving etc. The old saying fits well here...you can take a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.
All the best OP.

Easily could do. Op will lose her 25% single person council tax discount as soon as dd is 18, so depending on location that's likely to be a minimum of £300 just for that.

I think changing the locks and having her arrested might be the kick up the arse she needs by the sounds of it. She has no respect for you so show her you aren't pissing about anymore.

I don't think it's her responsibility to pay you because you don't earn much. I also don't agree with charging a child rent.
Take money off her and save it for her (without telling her that you are saving it if necessary), and start showing her that she needs to grow up, get an education, a career, stop doing drugs etc. Use your effort to better her life, not to give you more money. If you want more disposable income you should be looking at increasing your own income

I think her social circle is very relevant. It could be part of the problem, and also maybe part of the solution.

What would her friends think if they knew she wasn’t contributing to the household? I know my friends, even at that age, would have taken a very dim view of it.

Maybe she hasn’t yet grown up enough to really see how this looks from the outside. Time for ger to start realising though!
Try asking her what her friends’ living arrangements are. Stir some curiosity. Maybe she will start asking what they contribute at home etc. Start to feel ashamed of her stance.

Do you happen to know any of her friends’ parents? If she is so convinced that she is is justified in her refusal to contribute, she wouldn't mind you asking other mums of young people her age what their arrangements are, and sharing your situation… !

Who pays 1200 pcm for council tax?!

As for what is reasonable to ask for, I’d say:

• the council tax differential
• half of your standing charge for gas & elec.
• Proportionate fraction of Wifi, TV license and water bills depending on how many people in the house.
• £200 for you to save on her behalf.

I can understand not asking for board if you're financially secure but it seems incredibly unfair if you are just about managinging yet she has 100s of £s to spend as she wishes each month.
After you've paid the bills, what do you have over to spend on yourself? There should be more equity.
If you're willing to subsidise another adult I think you get a say in how that saved money is spent. If it's eating out and buying weed I wouldn't be contributing.
Of course, I do expect a young person living 'at home' to have it easier than sayva lodger, but there's a middle ground. I think £300 a month (£10 a day) is a starting point.

Who pays 1200 pcm for council tax?!

I assume the poster meant annually.

Rent, council tax, water, gas and electric come to around £1200. So I think £300 is fair, I haven’t included things like food and internet, as I said she isn’t home that much.

I mean 1800 is only 200 per month shy of what I earn as a post degree 28 year old in London. If that's after tax...

I reckon you can ask for £300 per month.

@Hihihihihihihihihi

shes not a child though is she

@douglasadamswasright

why would be so thrilled?!
surely you want your offspring out and about in the world?!
you would not want them living with you until they are 35!

You think I didn’t try to get her to stay in education? She hated it and she’ll never go back. I also have no power to stop her using weed. She doesn’t want to stop, she pays for it herself.
She’s an adult, even if I tripled my income I’d feel the same regarding her contributing. It’s not about the money, I can cope without it.

Also, saying increase your income, wouldn’t everyone be rich if it was that straightforward? That’s a really patronising thing to say.

@Hihihihihihihihihi

yeah op! You should get a second job or something, work yourself into the ground in order to keep funding the other adult in the house who gets £1800 to herself every month and blows some of that on weed.

yeah that makes sense

NOT

Her saying she's not there enough makes no sense. She sleeps there, she washes there... water and room. Ok so she doesn't pay towards food she doesn't eat. Fine. Still can pay board.

If you don't get this sorted now, OP, a couple of years down the line she is likely to move a boyfriend in too, and you end up having two peope living rent free in your home, not just one.

Good luck - I can see how difficult it is going to be for you if she flat out refuses to pay anything or to leave, but you really do need to win this battle, whatever it takes.

Gosh it's hard being young today. When I was 19 I was earning around the same as your daughter, maybe slightly less, and I was house sharing with 2 friends paying 45 a week for the room with very little bills and blowing all my wages on having a good time. My parents wouldn't have charged me to live at home but luckily it was an easy choice to move out back then. I really feel for the younger generation.