18 ur old and rent

[Freshstarts23]

I know there’s a similar thread going but my situation is quite different.

My dd is 18 in a few months. Left school after GCSE’s, no college or uni. Went straight into full time work. She works very hard and earns decent money for her age. Usually clears about £1800 now, and has been in the £1400 region since 16. Doesn’t have anything to pay out.

She doesn’t spend a great deal of time at home, mainly due to working so much (more than 40 hours usually) and different shifts. When not at work, she sees friends. She sleeps at home on average 5/6 nights a week. This used to be a lot less. She obviously showers and everything here but doesn’t eat here often. She eats at work or sorts herself out.

I haven’t really provided much for her since she left school as she’s always had a decent sum of money to but her own clothes etc. she also smokes weed which I obviously didn’t want to fund.

Anyway, now she’s soon to be turning 18 I think it’s fair she starts contributing. I’m a single parent with another child, I work. Moneys tight but I manage fine.

She also hasn’t saved anything which is a shame. I’d like to ask her from some money every month and save some secretly for her too but I don’t know how much is reasonable to ask for. She’s spoke about wanting to move out but we live in a high cost area so it’ll be virtually impossible for her.

My son earns similar, I take no rent from him as he's saving up for some expensive training in a specific career. He's phenomenally good with money though, budgets and saves a lot and is very savvy about building a good credit score to help with future professional loans. If he squandered money I'd charge rent

I wouldn’t kick her out though and see her in a house share in a rough area

What job is she doing that she takes home £1800 a month as a 17 year old?! That's impressive. With no outgoings it's lunacy that she's not saving anything and spending 1800 a month on naff all. I'd definitely have a proper conversation with her about budgeting. I never had any advice or "lessons" about finances and I proceeded to make some really dreadful financial decisions in my early 20s that were really hard to dig out of for years.

I also think it's fair to ask for £300(ish) rent a month and then help her to come to a sensible figure of what she should save for her future.

Just to clarify, she’d be looking at around a £1000pm for a room in a house share, possibly could get that down to £800ish in a rough area so moving out isn’t ideal for her at this point.

I don’t think I could justify charging her more than say £250. I also wouldn’t want to do that as I’d get used to that contribution and struggle myself if she moves out.

She earns £1800 by working ridiculously long hours.

There’s no way she would agree to giving me £600 or some ridiculous amount, even to save. A big part of the issue is, she has now had 2 years of having this level of disposable income so it will be a big adjustment when she does finally move out and have bills to pay.

I think if I asked her for much more than £200 she would say she’s not here enough to justify that.

Well she's welcome to try and find somewhere that she only pays for when she's there.

That's not how the real world works, and your job is to start preparing her for flying the nest. Very very few people have that much disposable income, she's had the luxury of it for a couple of years but now it is time for a proper contribution

@FatCatBum i appreciate what you are saying, and of course she wouldn’t get anywhere as cheap elsewhere. But my entire rent is only £800pm (housing association, private rent is astronomical) so how on Earth would I justify charging her £600 as has been suggested here.

You need the money due to changes in council tax, loss of CB and universal credit, cost of everything has gone up, 200-250 is reasonable and a really good deal for her, she might turn her nose up but soon realise it’s a great deal compared with the alternatives. Not sure what you’re worried about? It’s your house.

Nothing wrong with a house share in a less than desirable area. This is what uni students do as a norm. Also if she smokes weed, she probably also already knows dodgy people anyway.

As a minimum, you could ask her to cover the loss of child benefit, council tax increase, loss of UC. After all, you've lost that because the government considers (correctly) that your DD is an adult, and should be contributing to the costs of any household that she lives in.

@Freshstarts23

this op!
lots of us have lived in a house share in a rough area when we were young, it’s good for the work ethic!
Its likely what she would be doing if she were at uni

I used to charge mine 1/4 of their take home pay.
For that they got a 5* all inclusive hotel.
When they married, they realised that a 5* hotel cost them almost 100% of their take home pay.

This. How many families have £1800 disposable income every month? Protecting her from the financial realities of life is doing her no favours.

Ok, that's rent but what about council tax, gas, electric, broadband, tv packages, water....

£600 is probably too much but she couldn't even begin to live on £50 a week outside your house, so unless you want her living there forever you need to do something to mitigate the shock she will get when she eventually heads out on her own

Ultimately its up to you, I do think an adult should pay towards household costs as that shit ain't free. I do think the pp above telling their dc 1/3 for rent/board (fine) but dictating what the rest is used for is a bit much, you cannot tell adults what to do with the money they warned

Earned*

This is very true. She’s definitely been in worse situations! But rough areas in London can be really horrible, she comes home from work very late at night.

I think I might go with the £300 mark. She won’t like it but tough. It’s a little over 15%. She will still have a lot of money. I just know her argument will be that she doesn’t eat here or cost me any money. She barely even uses the gas and electric. She pretty much just sleeps and washes.

Explain to her that it's about getting to realise you have to pay your way in life, if she rented a room in a house share it wouldn't really cost the house much but you're paying for the space you take up. She needs to realise bills are part of life and it's a good habit to learn to budget and put money aside for things etc. Ask her for what you need. 200/300 is reasonable with her wage. If you can afford to put some of it in savings for her, she'll thank you later!

She's a wage earning adult I'd treat her like one and expect a contribution. A room around me is £700 so she's got a bargain at £400

You lost £400 in cb and uc when she left school.

Apart from weed I wonder what she's spending her money on if she isn't saving?

Food, take aways, coffees, the occasional bits of shopping like make up or clothes, the occasional Uber. She’s been paying off a holiday roughly £150pm.
Maybe she is saving a bit. I know she tries but I’m under the impression she ends up using what she’s saved.

So she fritters away a lot of it. No reason why she can't make a decent contribution to the household then.

My kids have always been told they will be charged a third of their income as soon as they leave education. DD20 does it happily, her BF pays £65 a week and some weeks only brings home £83 so she can see how it's beneficial as it fluctuates with her pay.

Had the conversation with her. She point blank refused to pay anything to live here as expected. The conversation didn’t go well, I ended up telling her she’ll have to move it to which she pretty much said yes. But realistically she won’t, she’ll stay here and won’t give me anything. I can’t even just lock her out as she’ll just come home banging on the door late at night.
Not really sure what the solution is.

That’s poor. I would throw it back at her. Ask for her suggestions what she would do if the positions were reversed. How would she solve the dilemma of parent wanting to be fair but at the same time unable to completely subsidise their adult children who still want to suck the tit although I wouldn’t use that phrase! Why does she think the way she is behaving is reasonable? Is it reasonable to treat her mother in that way? My dd pays 300 pm and grumbled a bit as she said it was more than her friends but I did point out I was saving for her too so the net cost is £100. We told her that she does need to make a contribution towards the cost of supporting a household and buying her food. As you don’t buy her food, I certainly think it’s reasonable for her to contribute towards council tax, energy, water, broadband etc-if she won’t, give her a deadline where she has to be out or she’ll find her things outside. Such entitlement.