To not want to believe infertility is happening to me

[ivfregret]

Just that really. 1% of women and I'm it.

I always thought I had been too lucky careerwise the last ten years something bad was going to happen and here it is. Right there.

I post a lot about this sorry for anyone whose bored but noone understands.

I'm not even bothered about having children but it's the fact the choice has been taken away when I even agonised over the choice years before deciding to do it.

No one understands at all and I feel like failure, outcast, weirdo, all rolled up in one.

No idea why I'm posting it's not even for sympathy but just getting it off my mind.

Sorry, I will ask for it to be removed.

I completely understand that. Theres only so much you can go through, before breaking.

Good luck on your tests, hopefully theyll figure out whats wrong, and will manage to sort it.

I still think you will probably benefit from therapy regarding this. Even if you do manage to carry a pregnancy to term, what you have experienced so far has probably been traumatic, and professional help will probably... help!

Best of luck!

I had similar - had to have 5 pregnancies before I had a live birth, and then none afterwards.

I assume you’ve been through the recurrent miscarriage clinic and nothing found? And had genetic testing on the most recent embryos (we had all of that and found nothing, just prematurely aged eggs aged 30).

I started aspirin every time I got a positive pregnancy test, and eventually one stuck. It was still a high risk pregnancy and I had an abruption and premature labour at 29 weeks - when that happened I just thought “I’ve lost him, it’s happening again”. But he hung on, and arrived at 35 weeks, and is now a very healthy 6 year old. I didn’t manage to have another, and while I’m sad about that, I am happy to have one at all.

I am glad you took my comment as I meant it- I probably didn’t word it very well to be honest- I mean there are other ways to become a mother of course, such as adoption and also fostering- we have a shortage of amazing people that would be great foster parents. I believe we are all here for a reason though, I don’t mean that some women are only here to be mothers either - everyone is here for another reason I believe. We are all unique, just one of us here in the world!- life is short, and I hope you feel you are worthy of being here and loved no matter if you do become a mother or not.

Do you march up to people with cancer and explain it’s “their destiny”? People who are widowed? People left paraplegic in car accidents?

Jesus what a shitty post.

@LilyTuesday though you really didn't have to go on and mention adoption and fostering. It's irrelevant. If it's so great why didn't you and lost mothers go down that route? Exactly.

It's not some consolation prize please don't throw it out there like it is

The OP didn’t have a problem with my post.

I think I should probably stop commenting then- I know in real life I could word this a lot better! All I will say to you now is that I genuinely hope you do find happiness, peace and love in life, no matter what happens. I wish you the best genuinely

Other people who have had miscarriages do have a major problem with your post.

Having to undergo an induction to give birth to my dead baby was “my destiny”, was it? Fuck that.

I'm so sorry, OP. I also suffered from recurrent miscarriage and I was also quite disbelieving. I had been lucky enough to have always had good health and I was still quite young to be having a baby and so it just hadn't occurred to me that my body would let me down like that.

I don't know that I read your OP as wanting 'hopeful' stories - I can give you that if you want, but I can also remember that being the last thing I wanted. So in any case I will send solidarity, sympathy and strength. You will be ok in one way or another, you will.

I can't say i know what you feel like, i have no idea. But your 'friends' are dicks. Friends support each other, that's our fucking job.

But plenty of us going through the same thing as the OP read it and do. Think about the impact what you’re saying. So if I can never get pregnant successfully it means I was destined to never be a mother? But that’s cool because that’s what the universe decides when it also decided that every other effing person I know should be parents?

I'm sorry to hear this , are you able to have any tests re miscarriage to see if you can be supported hormonally? Before having my DD I saw a specialist infertility counsellor. Subsequently I have seen more general ones who have helped me come to terms with only having one child when I desperately wanted more. I hope that you can find someone good to talk to if you feel that would help

I gave birth to a stillborn little girl at 38 weeks, almost 10 year ago to the day. I believe my baby was called to God. God has a plan for each and every one of us. Having faith has helped me massively, and yes I do understand that not everyone will deal with their devastating loss in the same way that I, and many other, people of faith feel. However, I do believe that I never given anything in life by God that I cannot handle and everything happens for a reason.

Trying to conceive children was one of the hardest things I ever did.

I spent my life avoiding pregnancy, being told how easy it was to fall pregnant. No one told me that actually, it's quite difficult and it goes wrong a lot of the time

I disagree with the 1%. Just look at those forum, look online. It is not 1% of women at all

It took me 3 years to conceive my first pregnancy, then he was born 3 months early and died 2 hours after he was born. 3 miscarriages & 2 years later, I finally had my DD, 2 years and 2 miscarriages later I had my DS

I think it should be taught in schools how it can go wrong,

I was not mentally or emotionally prepared for my sons death or the miscarriages. I'd been told my whole life I could fall pregnant at the drop of a hat.

It's hard when you get hit with the shitty side of life. I'd been pretty lucky overall then three years ago had so much happen to me it honestly sounds made up. I hope you have lots of support to help you through this difficult time ❤️

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Infertility (whatever the cause) is just really shit and unfair and the not knowing, the trying again, the 'this time it might work' aspect to it makes it especially hard. If you just had to come to terms with a diagnosis that would be easier I think but infertility is different to that - there's something else to try, another attempt to be had etc. It's brutal. I can really recommend counselling, ideally an infertility specialist but tbh any counselling would be helpful.

Chill the beans lads, induction isn't a still born baby. But for anyone who has had to go through that, i am so sorry. It must be horrifiying.

@Chickenkeev only couple of friends are supportive the others so wrapped up being moms they don't even remember I exist.

Meet up without me, they're just people I've distanced from to be honest I have no time for it

I really don’t understand why your are feeling like this when you have stated you were not bothered about having kids.

@Hadenough62 sorry to get Cauchy on the detail but three or more miscarriages happens to less than 1 percent fact. They even believe it less than that.

It is not a common occurrence hence no one understands.

I know women traumatised by having one and they have kids. Not diminishing people's feelings but imagine five and still no baby.

We don’t get given in life everything that we want. We do get what we need though. There are too many people in this world for every single woman to have a child. We are meant to be here if we are meant to be here. If we aren’t, we simply don’t exist. When my little girl died at 38 weeks, the only thing that helped me cope with her loss, was to believe she was too good for this world and has skipped the hard part- this life- and already has gone on to heaven where one day we will meet again. My faith has helped me survive

It's 💩💩💩💩. It really is so my heart goes out to you.

I was told I couldn't have children naturally due to adenomyosis which is endo in the womb wall which meant any embryo wouldn't stick. I was so angry my body wouldn't work properly and just felt a failure.

I know you said IVF wouldn't help but one thing that did help me were steroids during IVF after embryo transfer - allegedly to assist implantation . Might be worth discussing/investigation as it worked for me as now have my miracle who's 8 very soon.

Good luck and I hope you get answers soon ♥️

@drpet49 you highlight my point - no one understands. Heck I don't even,

I don't know anyone who has the thoughts I do which makes it more complex - I have noone to talk to or anything

Hey @ivfregret If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I’ve had the thoughts that you’ve had & don’t know anyone going through the same thing.