Not to want our children to eat red meat?

[Flymeaway4]

I'm vegetarian, have been for 20 years, partner is not. Since before they were born, I've said I'll let them have chicken, fish etc, but not red meat including pork. Once they're old enough to properly understand that meat was once an animal, then they can decide for themselves whether they want to eat red meat too, or be vege if they like, their choice. Partner thinks I'm ridiculous and said "why can't she have a ham sandwich" at a party yesterday, "what harm will it do". There were plenty of other options there anyway: chicken, cheese and egg sandwiches, quiche, fruit etc.

In case you think it's relevant, my reasoning behind no red meat is that I think cows and pigs are too intelligent, they know exactly what is happening when they arrive at the abattoir and I think that's just too cruel (and lambs are babies). Allowing chicken and fish, until they can make their own informed decision, was my compromise. If it were purely up to me, I'd be happy raising them vege!

So, am I being unreasonable?

How old are they? Over the age of 11 agreed under the age of 11 YABU as they rely on you to make good choices for them.

Under 11. And you can help a child make good choices without dictating to them. My DV have a wide and varied diet with a lot of non-meat meals, most are because that’s what I cook. But if they choose to eat meat when the option is there then that’s up to them. It’s my role to help them understand how their bodies work and what foods help fuel their bodies and having a balanced diet, not to force them to conform to my views.

And I chose to be vegetarian before age 11 when my whole family ate meat. My parents helped and supported me and encouraged a varied and healthy diet. It wouldn’t have helped me if they had said ‘you’re under 11 you don’t know what you’re doing’.

My DD is a toddler, my husband and I absolutely choose what she eats and that is not us “dictating” to her. We decide when food is served and what is available and she decides how much of that she will have. We don’t give her dead body parts or things that have come out of animals. I was raised vegetarian and am very glad animals’ bodies were not served to me. When she’s older and understands what happens for animal products to be made she can decide to have them if she wants.

That’s nice for you and your toddler. My DC are different, they understand and make their own choices.

Yes, you are extremely unreasonable. You are severely limiting your kids diet and making eating out unnecessary challenging. Your kids will make their own choices when they're big enough, up until then you owe them complete diet.

I’m sure they couldn’t do that as toddlers though! The point is we all make certain age appropriate choices for our children and I think it’s rude to label that as dictating.

I didn’t say you were dictating, I said that’s what I believed I would be doing. That’s my choice as a parent. And my children understood very young about my choices with meat and why and where food came from.

Surely that depends how it’s approached though?

if in a couple of years your child decides they want to eat chicken nuggets like their friends wokld you say “that’s fine Mummy doesn’t est them but if you want to try them that’s fine” or would you say “we are vegetarian so you can’t”

you can only control childrens choices to a certain point before you are basically telling them their only option in life is to believe exactly as you do.

Well exactly, which is why I said “When she’s older and understands what happens for animal products to be made she can decide to have them if she wants.” That was the same as my parents did for me and I am happy they took that approach as once I knew animals were killed for meat and it was a cut off part of their body I didn’t want to eat it and was glad I hadn’t been fed it when I was too young to understand. My daughter may choose differently and, at that age, it will be her choice.

I kicked a sheep What would be the point of that?
Your vendetta against sheep farmers is disgusting.

‘Darling daughter/son, those nuggets look tasty don’t they, but we always have to check what’s inside them and in this case - this is a chicken.

If you would like to try nuggets they have some delicious options with vegetables inside them and are far better for you’

Thats the conversation we had many times. My children were aware from a young age what people eat and where it comes from.

I think you're being unreasonable, OP. I have a friend who still feels physically sick at the smell of one type of food because their parents basically brainwashed them into thinking it was appalling to eat it. It's not fair to control your children, your DH is right, you can talk to them about your opinions when they're old enough to process them and formulate their own.

That would be said to a young child. Older kids know and wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole and are free to make their own choices around food, and they choose to be vegetarian and are pleased to have never been contaminated with meat and animal bodies.
The idea of eating an animal is entirely alien to them, like eating a human or something to them it’s no different, blood and bones of living creatures is a no go area.

So you don’t believe in controlling children? Really? So you let them run wild, across roads, play with fire? Eat absolutely anything? Drink absolutely anything?

Thought not.
Mindless.

I am not ignorant, and I do know that ham is considered to be a carcinogen, but a ham sandwich now and again is not going to lead to an automatic cancer diagnosis. You do realise that people have been eating ham for a long time, children included, and many of those people have made it to old age without illness. If we were to avoid everything which could possibly cause cancer we would have very restricted lives. If you seriously think one ham sandwich is going to cause OP's child to develop cancer I reallly think you have a problem.

Her partner is right in saying there is no harm to her in eating a ham sandwich. All the things you mention are potentially harmful. They are not equivalent. If it makes you feel better I should have said it's not fair to control your children to that extent.

I wouldn't restrict a kid right now. Let them decide themself when they're old enough

I went vege at 9 y/o. My choice

That particular poster has been all over this thread with their dire warnings, and their utter ignorance on many matters. I didn't realise it was them who had responded to my post before I replied, and rather wish I had as I can't be bothered engaging with them any more.

My kid is quite fussy and loves ham. Hates chicken

Sometimes im just glad she's fed

I'm not a vegetarian or vegan but greatly admire those who are. Sadly, I'm a picky eater who lacks willpower.

But like most posters, I think your reasoning is batshit - actually to the point of being offensive and harmful. I wouldn't like to raise a child creating a mindset in them that it's okay to treat any living creature (whether an animal or a person) with less humanity because they're not as intelligent as another species/person. What a message to send!

Raise them as vegetarian or don't. Raise them as pretend-y vegetarians who eat <cough> chicken and fish if you want. But come up with some OTHER reason than it's not as bad to eat chicken because they're not as bright as pigs or cows.

I think the votes speak for themselves here…

I do realise that some foods are fortified, but that is hardly the same as people taking additional supplements, so I really don't see your point. I also never claimed that people who aren't vegans aren't taking supplements, so once again, your point is? I merely stated that most vegans need to take some sort of supplement to obtain nutrients they aren't getting from food. I don't take supplements because I don't need to.

DH and I are both vegetarian. We have always fed dd vegetarian food at home but told her that she can eat whatever she likes when she is out. So far, she has chosen to remain completely vegetarian - she is an adult now and seems minded to stay that way. Her choice.

I don't really understand your "compromise" option of not feeding her red meat, but if it makes sense to you, then fair enough.

In your situation, I think it's tricky because you and your DH are not on the same page. You need to agree an approach between you that you're both comfortable with.

I don't know. Frustration probably.

No vendetta here, I just find people who refuse to open their eyes to what is really going on in some cases frustrating. Not that I'm about to go to find anything to kick.

There is harm to eating a ham sandwich! Of course there is. It’s carcinogenic not even bothering to consider animal welfare and rights. It’s gutter food.