To ask to use the school loo at pick up?

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I've been told that I can't use the loo at the school at pick up (which I've done a few times before).

Background - younger sibling and I walk to school (about 15-20 minutes, often takes longer to walk home) to get their sibling. I have continence issues arising from birth complications. Sometimes I just need to sort myself out. Younger sibling also sometimes has accidents (#2) and obviously best to clean them up ASAP.

AIBU? I know they're not public conveniences. So should I just get better pads/pants and ensure that I have plenty of time to take it slowly and hold it in? Young child's accidents due to digestive issues, not lack of training. Is it unreasonable to ask to use the loos at school? There are no public conveniences nearby.

It's still a safeguarding issue if the parent is walking round the school to get to the Staff toilets. It could also present a safety issue to staff themselves if unknown people are accessing their toilets - I'm not saying the OP would be a danger but at my school we had some violent, aggressive parents.

We also have various people doing pickups (approved) and to try monitor that would be difficult. I wouldn't be ok with this, presumably the school is also thinking of the safeguarding issues.

You've used them before, you said. Who has told you you can't, and what reason did they give?

I've taken my toddler to use the toilets in school before. I can't imagine our school refusing a parent - they'd use the staff toilets. I am DBS checked so they do let me wander round school unescorted. I do tend to sign in if in school for any length of time.
I would explain the situation and volunteer to sign in.

That would still be a potential safeguarding issue for us though. The staff toilets are upstairs, next to the staffroom and work rooms. Unless supervises and accompanied, they could potentially access or see notices and information they should not be seeing. Hence this area is out of bounds for parents, visitors and children. They need to use the disabled/accessible toilet - but again need supervising and accompanied to those areas. Not possible at drop off when the staff are busy.

Depends on the school layout though.

If you’ve got to walk through the school, past classrooms, other school rooms etc to get to the staff toilets, then there’s still potential safeguarding issues.

But this is the point about needing more info. Perfectly able to use the loo at DS primary without any safeguarding issues. So being told no would be more of an "well I don't think you should need to" issue rather than a "it'll take 5 staff an hour to navigate yo u through 7 locked doors to get there" issue.

As I said, we need more info. People are talking about the layout of their own school, not OP’s dc’s.

If OP has used the loo a few times it’s likely there is a safe way to allow this to happen.

Agreed

Some schools might be able to accommodate your request but if yours has told you that they can’t, then you have to respect that. Their responsibility is for the children in their care and there will usually still be pupils at school for clubs or whatever even after the end of the school day.

Ime of working in a small school with only two staff toilets (including the accessible one) we wouldn’t be able to let parents use the toilet at the end of the school day because that’s the same time that all the staff need to go, having been with the children all afternoon, and there’s already a queue.

If OP has used the loo a few times it’s likely there is a safe way to allow this to happen.

What if that safe way has inconvenienced staff because of the time needed to supervise OP being in the school building and they have decided that it is no longer fair to ask staff who are already busy and overwhelmed with workload to take time out to accommodate a parent?

It is not the staff’s fault that OP chosen to do a 20 minute walk to school.

So many ‘what if’ scenarios to prevent an incontinent woman from using the loo.

As I said, I’ll reserve judgment until OP explains why they have now pushed back. For all we know, there could be a loo in the lobby but a jobsworth doesn’t like parents using it.

Can you apply for permission to use the visitors or staff toilet explaining your needs?

Children’s toilets absolutely not.
Going to the reception and asking to use staff/visitor toilets - ok.

I absolutely understand that they can't allow random parents to use the kids loos. I know that it a horrible sign of the times but you can imagine the outcry if anything happened and it turned out that the school was allowing non vetted people into the kids loos unsupervised. I really don't see it as the school being all jobs worth about it.

When I was pregnant they always let me use the school loos (this was in a primary school). I think they would be unreasonable given what you've said not to let you use them! I think you might need to explain fully though.

I worked in a a largish 2 forms per year primary school built in the 1950s and we did not have any visitors' toilets. We had a single toilet near the Early Years end (which I allowed parents of children in my class to use if requested), an accessible toilet in a classroom in KS1, one toilet in the staffroom area which could give access to sensitive information and one toilet in KS2 assigned to male staff.

Stress incontinence, so time doesn't matter, it's the activity. Could easily sit in a cinema for 2 hours, but walking esp. downhill, cough/sneezing, jumping, running often mean more than just a small leak. I'm on a waiting list for surgery, but the list is huge since Covid.

Toilet behind reception. No staff ever escorted me. Reason given was that the cleaners were in the school already (but hadn't done the toilets yet). I posted to know if I should talk to them about my mortifying issue of overflowing my pads, or if I should just try to find an alternative solution. I don't choose to walk 20 minutes - I have no other option. Sibling doesn't walk and isn't particularly slow.

Thanks for the sympathy and advice from some posters. I am not under a nurse, just the surgeon, so maybe should speak to someone.

Op, it sounds challenging! Id be inclined to make appt to speak to ht. I dont think theyd be allowed to do it informally anymore.

https://www.bladderandbowel.org/

I carry a card due to bladder issues from birth, this might help. You can get a free card .

Maybe if it’s behind reception they’re worried about letting parents into a space where they could see confidential information.

OP, have you had any physio (with a women's health physio)? That should help while you're waiting for surgery?

DS went through a phase when he was around 3 of insisting he had to go for a wee every time we collected his big sister from school.
The toilets were through a secure Reception area but fortunately I was DBS checked via the school and known to them due to volunteering so they used to let us in to use it. I did have to be as discreet as possible as they did turn other parents away who didn’t have a DBS as they couldn’t be unaccompanied

I would def speak to someone and explain, is there a member of senior staff you get on OK with?

Thank you @bunny33 I have ordered one now.

@NameChange30 yes, quite a lot, but unfortunately it reached a plateau whereby I couldn't get any better.