To ask to use the school loo at pick up?

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I've been told that I can't use the loo at the school at pick up (which I've done a few times before).

Background - younger sibling and I walk to school (about 15-20 minutes, often takes longer to walk home) to get their sibling. I have continence issues arising from birth complications. Sometimes I just need to sort myself out. Younger sibling also sometimes has accidents (#2) and obviously best to clean them up ASAP.

AIBU? I know they're not public conveniences. So should I just get better pads/pants and ensure that I have plenty of time to take it slowly and hold it in? Young child's accidents due to digestive issues, not lack of training. Is it unreasonable to ask to use the loos at school? There are no public conveniences nearby.

YANBU in wanting to but I also don't think you can expect to if it doesn't work for them.

I would actually speak to the Head and explain you have a disability that's making it increasingly difficult to do the school run without access to a toilet and ask if it's possible for you to have access to a particular toilet should the need arise. That being said I'd also be careful not to eat or drink too close to school time. I say that as someone who has been suffering with digestive issues for a couple of years. I've worked out my triggers and have cut them out which helps, is the same possible for your DC?

Are you regularly coming into school to use the toilets ? Perhaps they are getting a bit fed up . I mean they have allowed you before so presumably they won’t refuse someone. But perhaps if you are regularly using then maybe they feel you are taking the piss . Like others say they don’t want lots of parents in school using the loos .
if you can’t hold on for that long you are going to have to explain your situation.

This made me chuckle - if only!

In my school we have one staff toilet - as in one cubicle only. It is situated well away from reception. There are often 16 adults working on site. At the end of the day there is a queue of staff who have been teaching since 1pm and generally haven't had the chance to go to the toilet, I wouldn't want to add parents to that as well.

Our children's school allows us to use the staff toilets. They don't know about any issues our youngest DC has but we frequently have to ask in fact the receptionist sees us and says you want through for the loo and buzzes us in now we've been that often.

The youngest DC starts in August so we shouldn't need to from then as he will be in the school. Our school pick up takes over an hour and currently involved 3 different places it will be down to 2 soon.

The key wording is reasonable adjustments, letting a parent in to use the toilet at my dc school wouldn't come under reasonable due to school design and layout. You can't even access the school office at school closing time due to children exiting via that door. At our school it would be a safeguarding issue.

I've never worked in a school with that layout. I was a teacher and used to occasionally let a parent who I knew use the staff toilet near my room (Early Years area so parents came in). In your situation I would write or email the school describing your medical problems and see if you can get permission. PP are right the school can't have random people wandering about using the toilets.

YABU, the school obviously see this as a problem so respect their wishes

There are many grounds for less favourable treatment and below are just a few. The pupil could end up being treated less favourable by association as mum and brother may struggle to collect due to their needs meaning the school access to mum and brother at pick up times is restricted copared to other pupils. Mum and brother (key members of the school community) are treated less favourable as they are placed in a position where they are more likely to have a humiliating accident, they are placed in a position of great stress when denied access to the toilet etc.

The use of a loo, as it already exists and would need staffing support for minutes or seconds depending on set up, would be seen as reasonable adjustments

OP if I was in your position I’d make a formal complaint and explain how the school are failing to adhere to the their equality policy, which they should have in place

You do realise most schools were built decades ago? And with the massive cuts to budgets many schools can barely manage to keep the buildings serviceable let alone afford to redesign. In all the schools I've worked in, there's barely been enough staff toilets.

Doesn’t mean it’s not poorly built. I didn’t say raze the school down would I?

Given OP’s incontinence issue, she has a genuine need and a bit of kindness from school and here wouldn’t go amiss.

A lot of schools do struggle with kindness.Our school have wrongly told parents that only those with a blue badge can use the school car park. When I politely explained my needs and how these related to the schools requirement to adhere to the equality act I was given a parking pass straight away. Some members of staff like to try it on and need a bit of push back before they do their job properly. They don’t seem to care about the stress they cause in the meantime

Unfortunately. It's not as easy as just using the loo. You would have to go through all the safeguarding steps to enter a school. It's too time consuming and needs staff to do that

It depends where there nearest toilet is really. At my current school (teacher) we have a visitor toilet by reception and we let parents and visitors use this freely as it’s before the main internal doors. At my previous school there was no visitors toilet, the staff toilets either involved being taken behind the reception area and past a number of office rooms and through the staff room or being taken through the swipe doors, down the main corridor past most of the classrooms and then off the school hall. Neither were in locations you could just direct a parent to so a staff member would need to accompany them and wait outside the toilet for them to finish, presumably in your case with your older children and possibly with a toddler?

If there isn’t an easily accessible toilet right next to reception which you can access without going through the locked internal doors (which most if not every school now so that nobody can get in without being buzzed through) then it’s reasonable for them to say no as you would need a staff member with you for the whole time.

So it's under an hour in total (walk to school, pick up, walk home? I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to allow you, plus there's safeguarding issues with the pupil toilets.

If an hour isnt something you cannot manage, please demand help from your doctors, they can be reluctant, not taking it seriously, and in the mean time there's excellent reusable underwear now for little leaks which many of us get (when I have a cough I'm pretty bad, I'm on the list for the hospital now)

Parents aren't allowed to walk through schools unaccompanied. Our school might allow you to use the toilets as a one off emergency but definitely not regularly as pp have said it would require you to be supervised to the door.

It will depend on the layout of the school.

Parents absolutely cannot use the children's toilets here - safeguarding risk and, as infants, most are quite open plan and tiny. We do let children take their younger siblings in to use them if necessary.

We have 2 accessibly toilets in two areas which we would try to allow parents to,use, but they would need to be accompanied by staff who would need to be in the general area. So, at drop off, this would mean waiting until after every other child had gone home or taken to their ASC.

Our staff toilets are in a separate area, upstairs and near the staffroom. These are not open to parents or children due to safeguarding issues.

Well yes, but the school was built many many years ago. Whilst some modernisation has obviously taken place we still have to work within the constraints of the existing building, and within the constraints of the ever dwindling budgets.

Can you just use a pushchair or balance bike for your toddler to make the walk to school quicker? Lots of parents have to do school/nursery drop offs in a short time for work and letting a toddler walk to and from school isn't possible.

I've used school and nursery toilets in an emergency and it was fine. It's not a crazy thing to discuss with the school if it's making you anxious though.

Do you have an I Can't Wait card, OP? Usually businesses are much more understand if you discretely show them the card. I totally understand how rubbish it is.

I’m not saying she did.

Often due to layouts , the only loos which are accessible in certain block’s are children’s toilets . So in KS1 we are often asked by parents - can we just use the toilets?? Or Can Tommy’s little brother use the toilet . I then have to explain sorry no that’s not appropriate. We then get asked - can we use a staff toilet then?

For alot of more modern schools , Staff toilets will be near to the staff room ( way inside of the school ) This is a safeguarding issue . And also why would we want you to clean up a child in the staff toilets ?
So unless there is a reception with a visitor toilet it’s not appropriate.

When I say safeguarding - it is the crux of everything .

It’s fine to use them every now and then but it sounds like you’re using them regularly which can get annoying, especially if there are multiple parents doing the same.

Governor of 2 very small primary schools here. The only adult toilet in each school is beyond the reception and would require signing in the person and escorting them, waiting while they use it and escorting them back. Both these "poorly designed" schools are Grade 2 listed and at least 100 years old.

At neither would it be possible for a parent dropping or collecting a child to use the toilet.

But a school isn't a business - it's a public service with a legal duty to safeguard the children in their care. If there isn't a toilet that's easily accessible, then there isn't a toilet, the staff can't just change the layout of the school because it's a bit rubbish. In my children's school the only toilets are in the main building through the hall where children are in after school club. It's rubbish and there have been a few times my youngest has been desperate on the school run and we've had to hide in a bush or she's had an accident but I do understand why the school don't allow parents to use the toilets. The I can't wait card might be useful if she's passing a shop or cafe on the way to school though?

People have just assumed there is a safeguarding issue,

For all we know OP was using the staff toilets.

Need more info,

Yabu, sorry but your issues and your younger dc issues are not their problem. It wouldn't be allowed at our school and I'm glad. I would absolutely not be ok for adults coming in to use the loo, unless there is a visitor one. The school have told you it's not allowed so what does gathering opinions here going to help? Some schools allow it but maybe there's a separate section not accessible to children.