To ask to use the school loo at pick up?

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I've been told that I can't use the loo at the school at pick up (which I've done a few times before).

Background - younger sibling and I walk to school (about 15-20 minutes, often takes longer to walk home) to get their sibling. I have continence issues arising from birth complications. Sometimes I just need to sort myself out. Younger sibling also sometimes has accidents (#2) and obviously best to clean them up ASAP.

AIBU? I know they're not public conveniences. So should I just get better pads/pants and ensure that I have plenty of time to take it slowly and hold it in? Young child's accidents due to digestive issues, not lack of training. Is it unreasonable to ask to use the loos at school? There are no public conveniences nearby.

I think the difference is that you’re doing it multiple times.

As a one off they’d let you in the building to use the adult’s toilets, be aware of your presence for safeguarding etc.

But asking more than once means you putting them out over and over and I can see why they wouldn’t want you to get the impression it‘s ok.

As a one off ours would let you. But the toilet is next to reception so staff would have to escort you and wait.

If it was becoming a regular thing then I think they would have to put a stop to it. You can’t be using the loo every day or even every week. How do you cope with being out of the house for more than an hour normally?

No way ever should you use children toilets at school. If there is an easy access toilet without going into the school like dd school of course you can. If it's going into the school I totally agree with the school here as there be lots of children in clubs and unlocking and locking doors noway.

we've allowed parents and younger siblings to use the staff loo in an emergency but they need to sign in and be escorted. If it's happening regularly I do think you need another plan.

Depends on set up of the loos I guess. And the state people have left them in previously.

I expect some are and some aren’t. If a parent were allowed to use the loo at my school, they would have complete access into the rest of the school so would need to be escorted. I think it is expecting a bit much to use the loos and clean up a younger child after a 15 minute journey.

I'm not surprised school said no, I think ours would have said the same.

We barely have enough toilets for the staff to use 3 female and one male. Not all schools are modern builds.

YABU there's always continence pads you can use and obviously the two year old needs to be in pull ups if she's having accidents.

Perhaps so, but if a school building doesn’t have a designated visitor toilet then they can’t exactly instantly magic one up if a parent’s caught short on the school run.

And building a visitor toilet because the building designer forgot to add one, is going to be a low priority for most schools when they’re thinking about what to spend their budgets on.

Lots of people asking what OP usually does when she have to be out of the house for an hour or more - presumably she factors in needing access to a toilet and goes to places that have them.

OP, would it be possible for you to cycle to and from school? That would be much quicker than walking and would reduce the time you don't have toilet access. There are lots of options for cycling with kids, a child seat or trailer for your youngest, and if your oldest isn't old enough to cycle safely on their own you can get tag along bikes etc. We have an electric cargo bike which is expensive but fast and easy.

If you can't do that I'm not sure what else to suggest other than maybe putting a request in writing to the school, you would need to explain your continence issues and the fact that there is no toilet available on your route to/from school. But if the school layout doesn't have a toilet in/near reception, I think they are unlikely to allow it as a regular thing.

Do you have a "she wee" type thing? You would of course need a private place to use it, so might not be an option.

Sorry YANU really. It very much depends on the school layout/toilets whether they could as a one off.

The previous school I taught at wouldn't as there was no toilet in the reception area. It was upstairs near the conference room. For safeguarding reasons, we cannot allow people to just wander around. So, the reception would have to sign you in, accompany you and wait and sign you back out. All while trying to man the reception.

Current school has a toilet in reception that is completely separate from the rest of school. You have to go through a locked door to access the school beyond that and pupils don't access the reception area. So, as a one off emergency, they may allow it, though probably not regularly.

I would suggest getting the better pads.

You’re covered by the equality act and are legally entitled to use the loo.

That sounds very hard for you but the school don’t have a responsibility to let you use their bathrooms. Simply wouldn’t work at DCs’ school now. Previous school had a reception area with toilets and parents could go in an emergency at pick up.

YABU not YANU 🙄

We have a toilet in reception, which is neither staff nor children. So parents can use that.

YANBU our school would be fine with this. Small local primary. Everyone knows everyone. It's fine. I'm surprised at the lack of understanding and empathy on this thread for those with continence issues and toilet-training toddlers.

Look at your schools equality policy, our school states

the school seeks to ensure that no member of the school community, or any other person, through their contact with the school, receives less favourable treatment on any grounds which cannot be shown to be justified.

What are you on about? The Equality Act does not give parents the right to use school loos.

Not sure this is true, unfortunately. The school provides a service to children not their parents.

It is a reasonable adjustment as you have a medical issue, so it's a disability. I know it is hard OP, but you will need to write to explain it to them.

Yes, there might be logistics that are difficult to sort out, but you are a parent, not as one pp, put it a "random stranger." Yes, others might want to use the loo because they see you using it, but that's the schools issue, not yours. Legally, some people get adjustments due to disabilities and pregnancy, and that includes flexibility, so they either don't wet themselves (or worse) or cesarean sort themselves out afterwards.

She's not receiving less favourable treatment if the school don't allow any parents access to toilets while children are on the premises.

This applies to situations like making sure all parents can access the site and attend events such as parents evening.

I work in education and know it is. Parents are a key part of the community the school serves and they are covered by a schools duty to provide RAs.Have a look through your schools policies and this will be highlighted.

I have a disabled parking pass at my daughters school because of this (part of the reason for this pass includes incontinance issues)

It depends where the toilets are. In our school they are in the reception area but there's still a note on the door asking to please ask permission before use. I've asked a few times when my kids have needed it before or after school and never been refused. But I can understand them saying no if you had to walk through the school unattended.

The OP does not work at the school and nor does she attend the school. Thus the school has no legal requirement to make reasonable adjustments for her.

Similarly, if I had a disabled child or relative, my employer would not be required to make any reasonable adjustments for them, or even for me due to my caring for them. They would only need to make reasonable adjustments, if I had a personal need for them.