To think my DM is very unpractical?

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I know I'm being unreasonable and probably horrible but my DM can't do anything practical.

A few examples: she can't open a car boot no matter how many times I show her. I gave her a pack of baby wipes to wipe DDs face for me and she said she couldn't open them 😐 I've shown her before and she can't do it.
She can't clip a car seat, I've shown her loads of times. Said she never did it with me and my brother. She can't work a coffee machine, air fryer or even a different oven even after being shown. If she puts something in the oven it has to have an alarm as she'll forget otherwise that's it's there.
She put a drink for DD in her bag with no lid and obviously it tipped up and soaked everything in the bag. I warned her beforehand but she said she didn't think it would tip up.
I asked her to watch DD's baked beans today whilst I did something else and I found her stirring them with the metal spoon I had put on the side (for DD to eat them with once cooked) . There are wooden spoons in the drawer, she knows and she's been to the house hundreds of times. I can't be sure but I think she was going to give DD the hot metal spoon, which she placed back on the plate, I checked it before I served DDs tea and nearly burnt my hand.
She said she doesn't know how I do things. Surely making beans is the same in every house?
I could do with tips on how to deal with it nicely as it's really getting to me. I'm certainly not the world's most practical person but I can't believe how she struggles with simple tasks.
She's not senile by the way, she's only mid 60s and when I think about it she's always been similar.

For context, we don't see my parents much as they are often busy and like to be left to themselves. Today was a rarity, she doesn't see DD that much. I'm starting to think we should distance ourselves, I know I sound horrible but I'm starting to loose my temper with her about these kind of things and I feel bad. She's a lovely person but I find this hard to comprehend.
How do I deal with it ..does this sound familiar to anyone?

Unless she has a specific deficit in learning or some other condition it sounds exactly like the same strategic incompetence adopted by some men. Men who "can't" do the washing, cooking or clean up after themselves, check the fridge before going to the shops etc (although they do put up a lovely shelf for the once in ten years it is needed) so of course women should be grateful.

She was v safety conscious with her own kids (me) but I think she completely got out of the mindset of being aware of children after a long period of not having any in the family for a long time.

For example, she started talking to me about something to do with how her and my dad pretended to be Santa when I was a child, in front of my child who was 6 at the time. I kept making eyes at her and trying to change the subject and it took her ages to twig that my child could basically hear her saying Santa wasn't real. She would never have done that when I was a child. Or if inappropriate or scary things come on TV she wouldn't think to turn it over if my kids are there, but she would have done when I was a child. Stuff like that. My kids are the first kids in the family since my brother was a child and they don't really know any other children. I left my dad holding my 5 month old baby on the sofa to go to the toilet. He got up and left her there and she toppled off. He literally had forgotten that you can't do that.

Sometimes these things can be a combination of an innate disability and learned helplessness. Some people with gross or fine motor difficulties practice until they improve, although they have to work very hard and will never be very skilled. Others develop low self confidence, marry someone who, while they might be bossy, will protect them to a degree and compensate for their difficulties etc and gradually lose more confidence. My mum was funny. She was very competent in many ways but convinced herself that only thick people could knit and intelligent people found it very difficult to learn to drive. She always worked and looked after us but she hid behind my Dad if there was any aggro. She couldn’t swim, ride a bike or assemble anything. She thought these things were very unimportant.

Sounds like my dm. If she could see the point of something that was fine (she used a computer, got a Kindle in her 70s and then managed to switch to an iPad with little difficulty) but despite getting a VCR when she was 51 never managed to learn how to use it. The one time I asked her to record something for me ("Put tape in, press record") she came back to the phone to ask which way the tape went in. There was only way it could go in.

Likewise she never learnt to use the v basic mobile I bought her even though it would have been useful at times. Why bother when you can ask a random for use of theirs?

In some ways she thought she was very practical, lugging a Xmas tree home on the Tube by herself, and moving heavy furniture around, but the real practical stuff she'd leave to others.