how long into your relationship did he propose?

[Ialwaysgetbulliedonmumssnet]

How long had you been together before your partner proposed to you?

Yes. But I’ve always felt that he doesn’t really love me. Firstly he didn’t make an effort to propose, he took me somewhere that turned out to be closed (he hadn’t checked) so he just proposed outside in the rain. Secondly he had just bought a silver place-holder ring which didn’t fit. Thirdly he didn’t make an effort with the wedding either.

And I’ve always felt that he hasn’t made an effort with our marriage either. I see other men spending time with their wives, considering their needs, doing their share because they care about her. DH has never given a crap about me, he never does anything special. He prioritises himself above me, for example his desire to have a career is stronger than his desire to give me an equal chance to work too (which would require him to work less). He takes all of the opportunities for himself and leaves me with none.

I’m still married because it’s too expensive to get divorced. Selling our house wouldn’t pay for two new houses, and I would be lumped with full custody and reduced earning capacity without the benefit of being able to access his earnings and pension.

What I’m trying to say is that the signs of selfishness were there from the start. He never chose to marry me because he wanted to make ME happy - he waited until I was leaving then he decided HE didn’t want to get dumped and start over. If he was proposing for ME he would have done it before I was sobbing and packing my suitcase, I see that now.

Two weeks

Four years -

we met when I was 17 and he was 25. He waited for me to do my four years of university and proposed when I came back home.

we’ve been together 15 years now

22 months, mutual decision to get married, both early/mid thirties and had lived together from very early on.

9 years

Engaged after three years at the age of 23.

Married at 26.

Now 31 with a DS.

I proposed to him, but not romantically we were sitting at home and I suggested it. About 18 months in.

6 months, will be married in October so would have been together 16 months by then

3 months.

10 years 😂. We've been together almost 17 years now though 🤷‍♀️

7 years. But we were quite young, and we both knew the focus was to buy a flat together first (we did).

10 years.

18 months. Then I moved in with him to see if we still felt the same when living together. We did and married about 18 months after the proposal.

10 years, after 2 kids and a house renovation. We went on to have another child and have been married 12 years in August

8 flippin' years!

Ten months. But it doesn't signify for anyone else.

4 weeks. It was a discussion rather than a proposal

@Bharath That's so sad. I'm sorry that you feel so trapped in your marriage. The red flag was definitely there when you said that he only asked you to marry him once you were literally packing your bags ready to walk. Hindsight is a great thing. However I know it's easier said than done, I know I'm not in your situation or emotionally involved at all so it's very easy for me to comment you as an outsider but please consider yourself and your own happiness.
It's sad to see you write as though you've given up on what you actually want. You don't have to settle for someone who you feel doesn't care about you, doesn't make time and effort for you holds you back in your career etc. I know you've listed some reasons as to why you can't divorce right now such as finances and you having sole custody of your child(ren) but these things won't always be an issue. Picture yourself in 10/15 years time when your child(ren) are grown up, you would have wasted that time being unhappy. I'm.not sitting here saying I think you should divorce him, I just want you to be kind to yourself and believe that you deserve to be happy 😊

35 years