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Original poster

Comments about hand me downs

84 replies

Peterpiperpickedapeckof · 16/06/2023 12:48

This is a funny one as I think it’s more political than practical.

I have an older girl and two younger boys. My sil and bil have a girl who is 6 years younger than my girl and a boy just 2 years younger than my youngest boy.

I have taken a pragmatic approach to hand me downs and just gave the girls away to friends / family with children close in age to mine and that has meant that I have given the youngest boy’s clothes to my sil for her boy but she’s made a few sharp comments and so has her daughter and also my bil about how her daughter doesn’t get anything etc.

I can’t hold on to clothes for 6 years + and I can’t imagine they want me to give them things that are massively too big. My daughter is tall and always wore clothes several ages bigger and their girl wears clothes several sizes smaller. So the age gap is huge!

They have buckets of cash so really don’t need my hand me downs. I’m tempted just to stop giving any!

Writing this I can see it is so petty! Going to let the whole thing dry up I think. What would you do?

OP posts:
cpphelp · 16/06/2023 12:50

I'd ask them if they want the clothes, as if not, going to charity as I don't have the space to store them.

ThreeFeetTall · 16/06/2023 12:55

Just give them the clothes once your daughter has finished with them. Problem solved. If they don't want to store them then that's on them

SnapPop · 16/06/2023 12:56

Yes - give them as soon as your DD grows out of them and it's up to them if they want to hang on to them. Definitely don't store them!

babbscrabbs · 16/06/2023 12:57

ThreeFeetTall · 16/06/2023 12:55

Just give them the clothes once your daughter has finished with them. Problem solved. If they don't want to store them then that's on them

Yeah I'd do this, depending on what the comments were and how rude! Gets rid of them for you.

2bazookas · 16/06/2023 12:58

As soon as your DD outgrows them I'd pass on all the giant clothes for their daughter and say "If you don't want them, please hand them on to anyone else or a charity shop".

Original poster
Peterpiperpickedapeckof · 16/06/2023 12:59

Thanks everyone

i have given them a few things actually over the years. Now my daughter is a teen and in adult clothes, seems mad to give them to their daughter who is still tiny… I could though to make a point !

so silly the whole thing. Wish I’d just charity shopped the lot

OP posts:
Curseofthenation · 16/06/2023 13:00

Screw giving them the clothes from your DD. They are so entitled to whinge about it in the first place. A polite request from a family member is fair enough - a little cheeky but in the realms of normal. They are taking the biscuit.

I would stop giving them anything. If they ask, say you have a friend going through a hard time and as they are obviously doing ok for themselves, you knew they wouldn't mind your DS' clothes going to them instead.

Didimum · 16/06/2023 13:01

Having buckets of cash and being able to buy new doesn't mean you want to though – you can still want to be more sustainable and opt for second hand.

Regardless, I would also not store clothes for years – pack up whatever old clothes and offer it to her to store. If she can'y take it straight away then say it's going elsewhere as you can't store it.

Maray1967 · 16/06/2023 13:03

Curseofthenation · 16/06/2023 13:00

Screw giving them the clothes from your DD. They are so entitled to whinge about it in the first place. A polite request from a family member is fair enough - a little cheeky but in the realms of normal. They are taking the biscuit.

I would stop giving them anything. If they ask, say you have a friend going through a hard time and as they are obviously doing ok for themselves, you knew they wouldn't mind your DS' clothes going to them instead.

This is my view. Anyone who is rude enough to complain why they’re not getting more from me gets less in future and needier friends or the Salvation Army benefit instead.

PuffinsRocks · 16/06/2023 13:05

I would stop giving them anything. If they ask, say you have a friend going through a hard time and as they are obviously doing ok for themselves, you knew they wouldn't mind your DS' clothes going to them instead.
I wouldn't lie, I'd be upfront and tell them it's the only way to make it fair for both children as they were concerned about fairness.

Clarinet1 · 16/06/2023 13:09

You are being kind and thoughtful to pass on clothes to any of her children! She is being very grabby expecting you to give things to all of them, especially with the age/size difference between your DDs you mention.

Hazelnuttella · 16/06/2023 13:12

That’s a really odd comment, as if they feel entitled to all your children’s clothes and are complaining that they only get some not all!

I’d start selling them as bundles on eBay/vinted personally and put the money towards the next size of clothes. Problem solved.

BadBarry · 16/06/2023 13:13

They are being grabby and rude!
With my son I got loads given to me for him and I was extremely grateful with my daughter barely anything because by the time I had her my friends daughters were all a lot older.
I have 1 friend with a child a year older and she sells her daughters clothes on vinted and Facebook, I presume because she bought them and they are hers to do what she wants with them.
I would never expect anyone to give me anything, lovely bonus if they do.
On principle they'd have nothing else off me.

hotiut · 16/06/2023 13:14

Well I am sort of in your sil's position, though I'm not too entitled about it I hope! I don't think it's absurd to be taking hand me downs that are years too big - we just pack them into vacuum bags and put them on top of the wardrobe. About 80% of my DD1's wardrobe is hand me downs from my sister (who has 2 dds so they're already 3rd hand). The time for them to fit rolls around pretty quickly!

In our family we do have a general policy that another family member gets first dibs on things being given away, over a friend or charity shop. For us it's just part of being in our family community. We're quite well off but don't see the point of buying new if there are perfectly good clothes from my sister, and we help them out in other ways so this is a way for her to help us without it actually costing anything.

Wherewithout · 16/06/2023 13:14

How ungrateful! I would stop giving them anything.

drpet49 · 16/06/2023 13:17

Curseofthenation · 16/06/2023 13:00

Screw giving them the clothes from your DD. They are so entitled to whinge about it in the first place. A polite request from a family member is fair enough - a little cheeky but in the realms of normal. They are taking the biscuit.

I would stop giving them anything. If they ask, say you have a friend going through a hard time and as they are obviously doing ok for themselves, you knew they wouldn't mind your DS' clothes going to them instead.

I take this view too.

WeWereInParis · 16/06/2023 13:18

I can’t hold on to clothes for 6 years + and I can’t imagine they want me to give them things that are massively too big.

They are being absolutely ridiculous to make a thing of this. But I get rid of clothes my youngest DD grows out of as soon as possible so if I had people will to take it I'd love that that made it easier. I'd give them the too big clothes if they want them.

ReaIIyThough · 16/06/2023 13:18

All the people saying give her the clothes straight away.... for me she would be getting nothing else for being so grabby and rude!

Hazelnuttella · 16/06/2023 13:20

Or you could be really petty and start giving all your DDs clothes straight away and not giving anymore boys clothes 😁

SemperIdem · 16/06/2023 13:21

I wouldn’t give them anything at all, going forward.

DRS1970 · 16/06/2023 13:22

I would just give them first refusal, irrespective of size. If they want them, they can store them for 6 years, and if they decline it's their own doing when they don't have the hand me downs.

It is a funny situation though. You can't pick your family can you. 🙃

Febreezefantastic · 16/06/2023 13:30

she’s made a few sharp comments and so has her daughter and also my bil about how her daughter doesn’t get anything etc.

the cheek! I would just stop giving them anything.

Their financial situation is irrelevant, even if they were broke they could still have some manners and be grateful.

Mariposista · 16/06/2023 13:33

I would be putting the whole lot on Vinted (provided that the clothes are in a. good enough condition) and not giving them anything.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/06/2023 13:34

she’s made a few sharp comments and so has her daughter and also my bil about how her daughter doesn’t get anything etc

I wouldn’t give any clothes away to people making ‘sharp’ comments to me!!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 16/06/2023 13:36

I’d stop giving them everything, tbh. That’s fair then