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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend BU to ask me to pick her up from the airport at 2am ?

614 replies

Eggsandpickles · 15/06/2023 08:12

She clearly wants to save money by not getting a taxi. There are no buses to our village at that time. A taxi would probably cost her around £85.
Thoughts ?

OP posts:
MrsWeasley · 16/06/2023 18:15

By son and his friends all to this. That way they don’t have to worry about being stranded or scammed. I guess it all depends on your friendship and your other commitments ( what time would you need to be at work the next day for example.

Rottweilermummy · 16/06/2023 18:17

As your daughter and hers are best friends and she's going on holiday with her daughter I would help her out if I was you, I hope she will at least give u contribution to costs and allowing for the unearthly hour she is asking you to pick her up personally I would have made a point of getting a better flight or at least asked someone if they could help me out before booking such a flight is it very far from you? I know 85 in a taxi isn't round the corner but know taxis can be extortionate anyway. But as people said she's not unreasonable to ask but is if she's expecting you to, and your not unreasonable to say no if it doesn't work for you ,

hollyblueivy · 16/06/2023 18:20

Mikki77 · 16/06/2023 17:52

Hi there, I'm also a people pleaser!
However I would say something along the lines of "I am going to have to say no because I just dont trust myself driving at that time in the morning/ we have an early start that day and I just cant quite do it...."

Ooh this is a good one. I second this.

SaponificationQueen · 16/06/2023 19:00

Twiglets1 · 15/06/2023 08:16

Or maybe not be so thoughtless as to book a flight arriving at 2am?

Show quote history

This. Who books a flight arriving at that hour and doesn’t expect to grab a taxi? I’m a night owl and I would have trouble agreeing to a 2 am pick up.

T1Dmama · 16/06/2023 19:02

@Eggsandpickles Have you got a partner? Or would you being having to drag your daughter along to the airport with you? If you will need to take her with you I’d maybe say ‘I’m so sorry but keeping DD awake that late to come and fetch you is just impossible for me. It would be so unfair on her and mess up her sleep for school on Monday..
mor maybe if you do have a partner say he’s out that particular night and can’t babysit and again don’t want to be dragging DD out at that hour

Sigmama · 16/06/2023 19:09

I've spent my whole life managing to get myself to and from places without having to rely on others, it's very freeing

starfishmummy · 16/06/2023 19:13

Eggsandpickles · 15/06/2023 08:34

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER she ie going on holiday for leisure. She can afford a taxi but doesn't want to pay for one. It's a Sunday morning pick up 2am. In fact, the flight lands at 2am so maybe 3am by the time they clear security & get bags etc

I wondered if the 2am was plane arrival time and it would stretch to later with baggage retrieval etc, and longer if delayed.

You are not being unreasonable to say no. Won't there be coffee shops open so she could wait and drink coffee until there is a bus?

Valeriekat · 16/06/2023 19:25

I only give lifts to people that I really really love and sometimes they love me enough to say they will get a taxi or public transport.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 16/06/2023 19:26

Depends how good a friend she is.
I once had a friend get out of bed and come with me for a 45min drive across london at 3am to collect my teenage daughter who was so drunk she couldn’t walk!!!
And my friend had to go to work the next day. But she did it for me, and I’d do it for her. Just depends on the strength and dynamic of the friendship.

MrsO3 · 16/06/2023 19:26

I don't think she's BU to ask, I think she's BU if she expects you to do it for free.
Will she pay you? Personally if I was her and would have been paying £85 for a taxi I'd rather ask a friend and give them £40/50 than pay someone I don't know. I wouldn't expect them to do it for free, not when they're using thier fuel and taking into consideration the time that she wants you to get her.

PeachyPeachTrees · 16/06/2023 19:37

She will have saved on air fare because of unpopular arrival time and has to suck up the cost of a taxi. I think is unreasonable to ask such a favour as it means you will have no sleep and would be driving while very tired. I would say no.

RecklessGoddess · 16/06/2023 19:38

Not unreasonable if she is just asking if you would, but if she is "expecting" you to do it, then she is definitely unreasonable. I personally, would not have a problem doing it for a good friend!

Jeannie88 · 16/06/2023 19:41

Depends on situation. If I was single, not working the next day and she does the same for me then yes. X

5128gap · 16/06/2023 19:43

I wouldn't want to do it, wouldn't want to be asked, and wouldn't ask.
It's the sort of large favour that you should only ever subtly hint about..
"The taxi is £85, but i cant really ask anyone to pick me up at that time..." and if an offer is forthcoming you can accept ("Oh i couldn't let you...Are you sure?") fake reluctantly.😁

Passenger42 · 16/06/2023 20:10

I have been in this situation as a single parent but I didn’t expect any lifts from family or friends. I paid to have parking with a hotel room on return as part of the deal. It worked out very reasonable. Or if friend doesn’t drive they book a travel lodge room and wait for the 6am national express bus. I think you need to say no as they knew the flight times were no good for transport links when they booked.

fatchilli123 · 16/06/2023 20:13

How do you know she knew when booking . I know a lot of folks who have had flight plans changed coming home from places till last minute

munner · 16/06/2023 20:14

Tell her it is unreasonable and get a taxi.

EbonyRaven · 16/06/2023 20:39

I would not expect ANYbody to do this for me. I would never ask. Nor would I do it for anyone else. Even with my own DC, I would have paid the £40 or £50 for a taxi fare rather than venture out at midnight to 1am for an airport pickup at 2am-3am. Not a chance. It's a big ask and it's a cheek.

BIL and SIL said they will take me and DH to the airport when we go to Italy later this year, no matter what time our flight is. (They are 15-16 miles south of us, and the airport is 30 miles north of us...) But we won't be taking them up on the offer, as we feel it's too much. PLUS it sets a precedent. If they take us, there will be an expectation that we will take them when THEY want to go/want an airport pick up. Wink

That will be a 32 mile round trip just to get them from their house back to ours, and then another 60 mile round trip to take them to the airport and back. Plus, they ALWAYS get flights around 6am to 6.30am, so need to be at the airport at 4.30am to 5am.... so we will be leaving the bloody house at 2.30am to 3am. Fuck that!

seafish · 16/06/2023 20:43

i see your point of view but i think it depends of the level of friendship.

went on abroad around the covid time, didn't really want to get into a taxi. A friend dropped us off to the airport at 2am but then we've done the same for them too.

we only asked once but done it for them 3 times. Neither parties are upset if you say no.

EbonyRaven · 16/06/2023 20:49

seafish · 16/06/2023 20:43

i see your point of view but i think it depends of the level of friendship.

went on abroad around the covid time, didn't really want to get into a taxi. A friend dropped us off to the airport at 2am but then we've done the same for them too.

we only asked once but done it for them 3 times. Neither parties are upset if you say no.

You went abroad during covid? Confused

Tessabelle74 · 16/06/2023 20:55

If course she's not unreasonable to ask, you don't have to say yes

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 20:58

Tessabelle74 · 16/06/2023 20:55

If course she's not unreasonable to ask, you don't have to say yes

You would ask someone to do this, would you?

It’s massively unreasonable to ask.

Cornflakesaredabomb · 16/06/2023 21:01

Tessabelle74 · 16/06/2023 20:55

If course she's not unreasonable to ask, you don't have to say yes

She’s entirely unreasonable to ask. It’s cheeky as hell.

OP has admitted she’s a people pleaser and tbh I suspect the friend knows this and is chancing her luck.

It’s massively disrespectful to ask someone you aren’t (very) closely related to to have a minimum 3 hour round trip in the middle of the night purely to save yourself either cash or hassle.

Id be distancing myself from the friendship tbh. Offering the petrol and car park as if that wouldn’t be an absolute given!

If she can afford two people on holiday she can afford the £85 can let’s face it. By the time she’s paid the petrol, car park (especially if delayed) and a sizeable thank you gift for OP she won’t be far off the £85 cab fair anyway.

Genuinely shocked at how much of a CF some people are.

DetectiveDouche · 16/06/2023 21:33

Blimey. Well… clearly YOU think she is to be asking it here.. and that’s all that matters.

It depends on the friendship. My best friend and I would do this for each other but that’s us. Friendships and people differ.

Also, one could say, she’s not really being unreasonable to ask.. nor would you be being unreasonable to say no, if you don’t want to arrange to do this for her

DetectiveDouche · 16/06/2023 21:36

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 20:58

You would ask someone to do this, would you?

It’s massively unreasonable to ask.

Show quote history

@CrazyArmadilloLady I think some of us would yes, because those are the types of relationships some of us have with certain friends. It’s the type of thing you might ask of a family member.. and some of us are lucky enough to have friends who are like mfamily.. or closer.

Still doesn’t mean I’d always say yes.. I just would’ve be offended to be asked

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