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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend BU to ask me to pick her up from the airport at 2am ?

614 replies

Eggsandpickles · 15/06/2023 08:12

She clearly wants to save money by not getting a taxi. There are no buses to our village at that time. A taxi would probably cost her around £85.
Thoughts ?

OP posts:
lemonchiffonpie · 16/06/2023 08:50

Eggsandpickles · 15/06/2023 12:10

THIS.
I feel like saying no is alike to saying something along the lines of ''sorry, I cannot be arsed, even though I am perfectly able to come and get you I just don't want to be awake all night while I clock watch to wait for the time to come around to come and get you. You can fork out for a taxi instead'' i.e. stuff you.

The airport is around 1hr 15 minutes each way, so around a 3 hours round-trip. Friend would give me petrol & parking money, she has already said so.

Friend is going on holiday with her daughter. My daughter is not going with them. My friend is not coming to stay with me.

Show quote history

I would phrase it as a safety issue, if you can't bear to say no, not at 2am sorry. She is expecting you to stay up all night and drive. There must be a way to phrase this that is clear and simple. Because she is expecting you to lose a night of sleep, effectively, and drive without sleep, and surely X hours of your time and your safety is worth more than the money she hopes to save on a cab?

NashvilleQueen · 16/06/2023 08:50

I would offer this to a couple of my friends who I know would do the same.

lemonchiffonpie · 16/06/2023 08:51

Confusion101 · 16/06/2023 08:24

No. Its really not! It's CF behaviour to demand someone to do this for you, to get thick if they don't, to fall out with them over it. It is absolutely 100% acceptable to ask a friend to do this.

Show quote history

It is CF behaviour, because she knows the OP has trouble saying no/is a soft touch.

WisherWood · 16/06/2023 08:51

Wow, what a bunch of Scrooges most of you are on here. I can't believe some of you wouldn't even do a pickup for your spouses or children that late at night.

Thing is it's not late at night so much as right in the middle of the night. We're much more likely to be involved in all kinds of accidents at that time, because our circadian rhythms are low https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26181466/.

So no, I wouldn't pick anyone up at that time, unless I thought they were at some physical risk greater than the risk I would put myself and others at by driving. I would however tell them I'd pick them up at 7am, if they were happy to hang out at the airport. Or later, if they wanted to get a hotel room at the airport. It's not about being a scrooge, it's doing what's safest.

Personally I wouldn't mind being asked, but that's because I don't mind saying 'no, I'm not doing that. Here is an option I am willing to do'.

Chronobiologic perspectives of black time--Accident risk is greatest at night: An opinion paper - PubMed

Simon Folkard in 1997 introduced the phrase black time to draw attention to the fact that the risk of driving accidents (DA) is greater during the night than day in usually diurnally active persons. The 24 h temporal pattern in DA entails circadian rhy...

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26181466

Cas112 · 16/06/2023 09:30

She's not unreasonable to ask, I've asked friends to do this and friends have asked me. Are these not the type of favours friends do for each other?

I don't think you should be annoyed she's asking, that in itself is strange. If you can't do it just tell her than and she will probably get a taxi but absolutely no harm in her asking

EggInANest · 16/06/2023 09:38

Stay up all night and do 2.5 hours driving for a non emergency?

No way!

Tell her you are visiting a relative or have early work start / big presentation or something. Or say “sorry, don’t feel comfortable or safe driving 2.5 hours at night in no sleep”.

dontgobaconmyheart · 16/06/2023 09:53

I'd do it and imagine said friends would do it in reverse but it's irrelevant really isn't it.

You don't want to do it OP, therefore surely all that needs to be done is to just say sorry but you don't want t/won't be able to pick her up at that time of night. i'm not sure there's any benefit into making into some big thing and taking offence - all she's done is ask.

Lacucuracha · 16/06/2023 09:54

Confusion101 · 16/06/2023 08:16

Yes I would! I'd do it if asked. I'd offer to do it if not asked. I'd ask if I was in that position. I'd also have no problem if the person I asked couldn't do it and replied with a polite no.

Honestly I think ye are all rotten friends to have such strong reactions to being asked something like this! It's fairly standard around here, I've done this for loads of people and have loads of people I would potentially ask in the same situation. Don't understand why everyone has to say no in such bitchy ways. Thankful for my friends after reading this really shitty thread!

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Who has been bitchy to you, Confusion101?

Crazycrazylady · 16/06/2023 09:55

I'd decline saying that as you have something important on the following day that you want to enjoy which you wouldn't if you were up all night with he evening before .

Confusion101 · 16/06/2023 10:13

@Lacucuracha Some of the suggested replies OP should send to her friend are bitchy. Just say no if she doesn't want to do it, no need to be a bitch about it. A simple question, a simple response, and move on.

Lacucuracha · 16/06/2023 10:20

I don’t think saying things like ‘I wouldn’t even pick up my own family at that time!’ Is bitchy. Which ones did you find bitchy?

ChristmasCwtch · 16/06/2023 10:21

I can’t imagine ever asking this of a friend or family member!! I think it’s rude she asked.

It’s a long journey and an entirely unsociable time. An emergency, yes, but not just because she wants to save some money.

The only people I’d pick up at this time of night is my DC… maybe DH 😆

Appleofmyeye2023 · 16/06/2023 10:28

It’s over an hours drive. Plus time to paper up etc. by the times he leaves a plane could be announced as delayed - it does happen🤷🏼‍♀️. She drives, gets there, finds it’s been delayed, racks up huge costs at short stay car park , chronically sleep deprived, then has an over an hour dive back
nope wouldn’t do that for a spouse. I travelled a lot with work- never asked my spouse to do this because it’s bloody unsafe - I’d not want to be driven by him with him having to stay up for 4-5 hours in middle of night and then drive. I would also not park my own car and drive myself home - again at that hour after a flight it is bloody unsafe
she gets a taxi like anyone else who has con hers for their safety
she should have planned this in and accounted for costs when organising holiday
I’d be questioning my friendship:either she’s very very stupid, or selfish

Appleofmyeye2023 · 16/06/2023 10:28

Park up not paper up 🤷🏼‍♀️

MsRosley · 16/06/2023 10:35

She should never have asked you. This would be a huge red flag for me in a friendship.

sudo · 16/06/2023 10:37

I wouldn't do it and would expect anyone to pick me up at that time or the morning

You don't want to be missing a nights sleep as it will take you a couple of days to fully catch up.

I'd tell her that, unless it's an emergency, I don't like driving so far in the middle of the night on my own in case I broke down.

HerbsandSpices · 16/06/2023 11:57

I'd only do it in the most dire or sensitive of circumstances.

I picked up my mother and drove her to the airport at 4.30am once. It took me three days to recover. I won't be doing that for her or anyone again. I don't handle it well these days, not like when I was younger and could without even being tired the next day.

JenJuni · 16/06/2023 12:16

I think it is a bit much. I wouldn’t hold the fact she asked against her, I’d just very gently say sorry I can’t help. Maybe she could get a deal on an airport hotel for less than that?

Islandgirl68 · 16/06/2023 12:21

No that is an unreasonable request from your friend. Not at that time in the morning/night and not a round trip that could take 3 hours. You would have no sleep. I would feel awful for a few days if i got little or no sleep. Also what happens if flight is delayed. Your friend is being very unreasonable to expect a lift.

maranella · 16/06/2023 14:18

"Aw sorry cheeky friend, I wouldn't feel safe driving at that time of night. I'd be worried I'd fall asleep at the wheel and kill us all. I'm sure you'll find a taxi driver who's used to 3am pick-ups though."

Caroparo52 · 16/06/2023 14:22

YANBU to say "no sorry. But here's a very reliable taxi firm. Or here's a great car parking service at the airport"

LadyMuckingabout · 16/06/2023 14:59

Dh is the biggest people pleaser soft touch ever. The amount of favours he’s done for CFs who regularly sniff him out Angry

But I just asked him what he would do in this situation and even he said he’d say sorry, I’m having a beer the night before/going somewhere the next morning, but I can recommend (eg) Purple Parking.

CharlieRight · 16/06/2023 15:39

billy1966 · 16/06/2023 08:14

Or

That she is a tight CF who chose a cheap flight and knows the OP is a people pleasing mug and has decided to chance her arm.

CF's wouldn't dream of returning the favour and run a mile when asked for a favour, thats why they target people pleasers that are mugs.

A real friend wouldn't dream of asking this of another.

I wouldn't ask my husband even though I know he would do it for sure.

Because I really care about him, I wouldn't want his night disturbed and to put his safety at risk by asking him to drive in the middle of the night unnecessarily.

If the OP does this she is waving a flag to just how big a mug she is and she will most definitely be asked again.

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Perhaps. I was just offering a different interpretation. Only the OP can tell us if there is a pattern of behavior one way or the other.
But it’s usually a mistake to judge someone‘s motives according to your own standards and experiences.

Mikki77 · 16/06/2023 17:52

Hi there, I'm also a people pleaser!
However I would say something along the lines of "I am going to have to say no because I just dont trust myself driving at that time in the morning/ we have an early start that day and I just cant quite do it...."

Hidinginplainsightnow · 16/06/2023 18:09

That’s a big ask. Maybe say that you can pick her up at 8am or whenever works with you getting a decent nights sleep?

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