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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend BU to ask me to pick her up from the airport at 2am ?

614 replies

Eggsandpickles · 15/06/2023 08:12

She clearly wants to save money by not getting a taxi. There are no buses to our village at that time. A taxi would probably cost her around £85.
Thoughts ?

OP posts:
CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 21:50

DetectiveDouche · 16/06/2023 21:36

@CrazyArmadilloLady I think some of us would yes, because those are the types of relationships some of us have with certain friends. It’s the type of thing you might ask of a family member.. and some of us are lucky enough to have friends who are like mfamily.. or closer.

Still doesn’t mean I’d always say yes.. I just would’ve be offended to be asked

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I have friends I’ve known a life time (and many substantially shorter) who are like family to me - and that’s why I wouldn’t ask such a ridiculous ‘favour’ of them, because I wouldn’t want to take advantage of their good nature and generosity.

We’re all there for each other in good times and bad. But would never ask such an unreasonable favour of each other. Beyond rude to ask - putting people in the position of having to say no, and then feeling like a bad friend.

Forking out for a taxi is a small price to pay to let friends have their sleep.

DetectiveDouche · 16/06/2023 21:57

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 21:50

I have friends I’ve known a life time (and many substantially shorter) who are like family to me - and that’s why I wouldn’t ask such a ridiculous ‘favour’ of them, because I wouldn’t want to take advantage of their good nature and generosity.

We’re all there for each other in good times and bad. But would never ask such an unreasonable favour of each other. Beyond rude to ask - putting people in the position of having to say no, and then feeling like a bad friend.

Forking out for a taxi is a small price to pay to let friends have their sleep.

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@CrazyArmadilloLady I can see your point of view. I just know that I’ve done similar for a particular friend and she for me. I certainly wasn’t offended.. I could do it so I did..and she wasn’t offended either that I know of… but then we’ve also both said when we couldn’t do something to help. There’s just no offence taken. I suppose it depends greatly on the relationship.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 22:16

I would probably do it for a good friend, if they asked - but I would never dream of asking this of a friend or family, and that’s where I’m coming from.

I’d be mortified to ask this - I think it’s such a cheeky request, and beyond rude to inconvenience a good friend (or family member) so much - or or put them in the position of having to say no, and then almost certainly feeling bad.

Whether they agree or don’t agree to do it, me asking would put them in a negative position.

I just can’t get into the mind-space of anyone who think it’s OK to ask.

And everyone keeps coming back and saying, ‘I’d do it, if asked’.

Yes, so would I! But that’s not the issue. The issue is the asking.

I would just never in a million years want to put someone important to me out in such a way - especially when there are easy alternatives, that maybe just involve me putting my hand in my pocket.

TenoringBehind · 16/06/2023 22:33

I won’t even do this for dh, only my children. Taxi or airport parking. The price is something they should factor in when booking a holiday.

Mammajay · 16/06/2023 22:55

Two and a half hour drive for you..no way. I'd say sorry but I would be awake all night to do an airport pick up like that and would feel too tired to feel safe .

Caelan2018 · 16/06/2023 23:06

I would do it for close friend or family but that’s it

ThanksAntsThants23 · 16/06/2023 23:16

I think this is quite an unreasonable request tbh. I certainly wouldn’t ask or expect anyone to do this for me and if a friend asked me just because they wanted to save the taxi fare I would be a little surprised! If there was another reason, like they’d had to make an emergency trip for sick family member etc I would offer the lift or agree to do it if asked, but not just because they’ve been on holiday and haven’t planned the return journey well!

Tessabelle74 · 16/06/2023 23:24

Cornflakesaredabomb · 16/06/2023 21:01

She’s entirely unreasonable to ask. It’s cheeky as hell.

OP has admitted she’s a people pleaser and tbh I suspect the friend knows this and is chancing her luck.

It’s massively disrespectful to ask someone you aren’t (very) closely related to to have a minimum 3 hour round trip in the middle of the night purely to save yourself either cash or hassle.

Id be distancing myself from the friendship tbh. Offering the petrol and car park as if that wouldn’t be an absolute given!

If she can afford two people on holiday she can afford the £85 can let’s face it. By the time she’s paid the petrol, car park (especially if delayed) and a sizeable thank you gift for OP she won’t be far off the £85 cab fair anyway.

Genuinely shocked at how much of a CF some people are.

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You must spend a lot of time binning friends then. I wouldn't be upset if a friend asked me this, for some friends I may even do it but you do you 🤷

Tessabelle74 · 16/06/2023 23:26

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 20:58

You would ask someone to do this, would you?

It’s massively unreasonable to ask.

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It would depend on who I was asking, indeed who was asking me. If you're not grown up enough to say no to people that ask questions you feel are unreasonable, practice saying no in front of the mirror

chubbychopsticks · 16/06/2023 23:54

I would be picking up friend at whatever time of day it was

bakebeans · 17/06/2023 00:08

Not sure why this is a vote. For some friends I have some I haven't. Up to you

CrazyArmadilloLady · 17/06/2023 00:54

Tessabelle74 · 16/06/2023 23:24

You must spend a lot of time binning friends then. I wouldn't be upset if a friend asked me this, for some friends I may even do it but you do you 🤷

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No need to practice (I mean 🙄), as my friends aren’t CFs who would even ask.

Nor are they cheapskates in the name of putting their friends out - it wouldn’t occur to any of us to do anything other than get a taxi.

OhMerseyMe · 17/06/2023 03:01

She probably is trying to save money, but I would be concerned taking a taxi with just me and my daughter at that time of night.

lemonchiffonpie · 17/06/2023 03:31

I would be more concerned with travelling in a car driven by a sleep-deprived and non-professional driver at that time of night.

NatashaDancing · 17/06/2023 05:55

lemonchiffonpie · 17/06/2023 03:31

I would be more concerned with travelling in a car driven by a sleep-deprived and non-professional driver at that time of night.

Same here. I'm just astonished at the number of posters who think the friend is being reasonable. She's just a cheapskate.

Misty84 · 17/06/2023 06:35

Absolutely no, I would not do this! I don’t think she should’ve asked you and put you in an awkward position. I would say I’m sorry, that’s just too late for me to do 3 hours of driving.

Charley50 · 17/06/2023 06:48

I'd never ask a friend to do this, and they wouldn't ask me. Especially at a time when you'd basically lose a nights sleep. Hope you said no, OP.

SofaLola33 · 17/06/2023 06:59

Maybe she has overestimated your friendship… Because it’s not unreasonable to ask a friend and it’s not unreasonable for you to say no!

Sounds like you are creating unnecessary conflict, as you have every right to say no!

SofaLola33 · 17/06/2023 07:01

Misty84 · 17/06/2023 06:35

Absolutely no, I would not do this! I don’t think she should’ve asked you and put you in an awkward position. I would say I’m sorry, that’s just too late for me to do 3 hours of driving.

Why is it putting her in an awkward position? All she has to do is say no! Any of my friends asked me this I’d say yes/no depending on the impact, I wouldn’t run to Mumsnet making out the friend was awful for asking a question that I can simply say no too!

JudgeRinderonTinder · 17/06/2023 07:03

My God, there are some tight sods on here! There’s nothing wrong with saying no to anyone asking you for a favour if you don’t feel like it or can’t, but the way a lot of people are so aghast at the idea of someone they are supposed to consider a friend asking for a lift which, while admittedly might be an inconvenient time, is presumably a one off, is shocking. Call yourselves friends? 🤣

I read a few threads on here about friendships and always end up concluding that true friendship is very hard to find. Nobody is ever willing to inconvenience themselves even slightly to help someone out, even once in a blue moon? Jesus. What are friends for? Let’s hope those people never need help from their friends in their lives.

Lacucuracha · 17/06/2023 07:08

JudgeRinderonTinder · 17/06/2023 07:03

My God, there are some tight sods on here! There’s nothing wrong with saying no to anyone asking you for a favour if you don’t feel like it or can’t, but the way a lot of people are so aghast at the idea of someone they are supposed to consider a friend asking for a lift which, while admittedly might be an inconvenient time, is presumably a one off, is shocking. Call yourselves friends? 🤣

I read a few threads on here about friendships and always end up concluding that true friendship is very hard to find. Nobody is ever willing to inconvenience themselves even slightly to help someone out, even once in a blue moon? Jesus. What are friends for? Let’s hope those people never need help from their friends in their lives.

How is it tight not to want to be awake most of the night to save someone £20-30? Sleep is important. If OP has work the next day, then that’s the day lost to poor sleep too. I’m a zombie when I’ve had little sleep.

Lacucuracha · 17/06/2023 07:10

seafish · 16/06/2023 20:43

i see your point of view but i think it depends of the level of friendship.

went on abroad around the covid time, didn't really want to get into a taxi. A friend dropped us off to the airport at 2am but then we've done the same for them too.

we only asked once but done it for them 3 times. Neither parties are upset if you say no.

This has to be the worst excuse on here.

You dragged your poor friend to the airport at 2am because you ‘didn’t really want to get into a taxi’, and yet you were going to the airport which had people in as well as a confined airplane.

Some truly selfish people on here.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 17/06/2023 07:12

Lacucuracha · 17/06/2023 07:08

How is it tight not to want to be awake most of the night to save someone £20-30? Sleep is important. If OP has work the next day, then that’s the day lost to poor sleep too. I’m a zombie when I’ve had little sleep.

Show quote history

If OP has to work she simply says no, she doesn’t have to run to mumsnet declaring her friend as rude for asking! Some PP’s are acting like it’s the most outrageous thing they’ve ever heard. It’s ridiculous.

Marshmonster · 17/06/2023 07:37

Yes it is unreasonable.

The question of would she do it for you is already answered because you wouldn't ask. You would know it was unreasonable. A cab is a part of the holiday cost and she should have factored it in at the time.

I got stuck years ago with a friend who said she suddenly realized after booking her flights that she would be a woman alone (petite, blonde) arriving in the small hours and no one would know if she made it home. She felt so vulnerable. She asked my wonderful, caring, protector of a husband if he would collect her. Bingo, manipulated into a free lift at 3am.

canigetitmyself · 17/06/2023 07:49

We recently asked a taxi for a quote to drive us to the airport . Similar time

£150 for 20 miles It's a lot.

Cheaper to park for a week

Why doesn't your friend take her own car and park at airport?