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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend BU to ask me to pick her up from the airport at 2am ?

614 replies

Eggsandpickles · 15/06/2023 08:12

She clearly wants to save money by not getting a taxi. There are no buses to our village at that time. A taxi would probably cost her around £85.
Thoughts ?

OP posts:
Freefall212 · 16/06/2023 05:43

Depending on where the flight is coming from, if it lands at 2:00 she might not be out with luggage / customs / late arrivals for awhile. I would likely tell her assuming she just wanted a cheaper flight that I would come and pick her up at 5:30am. That way, I still get a night of sleep with just an earlier morning and she still gets a ride but might have a couple boring hours at an airport.

Imisssleep2 · 16/06/2023 07:04

It's fine to ask but should not make you feel bad if you can't/don't want to, after all moist people are asleep then so would mean a very disturbed night's sleep. I think it's unreasonable to ask and not offer to pay you something though. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to do that without at least paying petrol money.

Doris86 · 16/06/2023 07:05

Twiglets1 · 15/06/2023 08:15

I wouldn’t expect it of anyone, would get a cab.
So she is being unreasonable in my opinion.

She isn’t expecting it, she is just asking the question. The OP is free to say either yes or no.

NetZeroZealot · 16/06/2023 07:10

I wouldn't ask anyone to do that for me at that time of night, other than DH.
She should get a taxi.

Twiglets1 · 16/06/2023 07:10

Doris86 · 16/06/2023 07:05

She isn’t expecting it, she is just asking the question. The OP is free to say either yes or no.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t even ask a friend as it puts them in a awkward situation

CharlieRight · 16/06/2023 07:24

The fact that she asked suggests that she doesn't think its unreasonable and would probably pick you up if asked.

So maybe you have got quite a good friend there and you should nurture that.

Beautiful3 · 16/06/2023 07:31

So you'd have to leave home at half 12 at night, and get back around 3 30-4.30 am depending on plane delays. That's a massive ask of anyone. It's going to mess up your sleep, and you'll be wiped out for the day. Think a taxi would be a much better idea. Just say, sorry I don't think I could physically stay awake and drive at that time.

Therealjudgejudy · 16/06/2023 07:55

She is very unreasonable to ask this of you.

Tell her you have plans the night before so will not be able to collect her.

AmenAmin · 16/06/2023 07:59

Just say you struggle with night driving, you are worried it’s not safe with tiredness and the combination of dark. You wouldn’t feel safe

PostOpOp · 16/06/2023 08:05

She got a cheap flight if that's the time it arrives. And now wants you to be awake all night?

How much is she really going to save paying you vs £85 for a taxi? £40? Even £60? I don't drive so I'm not sure, but no way in hell would I ask anybody to collect me at that time. And I don't think that reimbursing you the petrol and parking is enough! She's not doing you a favour for paying that!! Would she stay awake all night bar a couple of hours to save you £40-£60?!

Does she drive? Because if so she's also saving on airport parking fees, which is fine, but she wants you to be majorly inconvenienced to save that! And what for? Petrol money and an hours drive listening to how great/awful her holiday was? Hmmm.

Of course it's awkward. So it would be a shame if you agreed but then got diarrhoea and had to cancel. But I think you'd spend between now and then stressing and feeling bad. Better to just pretend you thought she was joking when she asked and then say, "Oh, you were serious?! [raised eyebrows/shocked face] Goodness, no I can't function without sleep!"

IndigoLaFaye · 16/06/2023 08:07

I’m a people pleaser but with my close friends I find it a lot easier to say no. Just talk to her calmly and say that it’s too much at that time in the morning. A true friend will understand. If she kicks off then a) she isn’t a true friend and b) she’s being unreasonable because it wasn’t an ask it was an expectation.

she’s not being unreasonable to ask, you’re not unreasonable to say no, but as soon as there is any saltiness about the No it’s a problem. It sounds like you aren’t that confident in the strength of your friendship.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 08:07

Doris86 · 16/06/2023 07:05

She isn’t expecting it, she is just asking the question. The OP is free to say either yes or no.

Show quote history

Would you ask someone to do this?

Would you?

AmIbeingTreasonable · 16/06/2023 08:09

She is unreasonable to book her flight for that time and then ask for a lift. Doesn't matter how much the taxi will cost, if she wanted to try for a lift she should have booked for a reasonable time.

Spacemoon · 16/06/2023 08:12

I find this whole thread a bit ridiculous to be honest - both the initial question and most of the responses! How is this even an issue? She has simply asked a favour, so you either agree, or you say no. Its not that hard. If you say no, you don't need a million excuses, just a no is enough. She isn't being a 'cheeky mare' or anything of the sort though for asking as some replies would have you believe. Friends ask friends favours all the time and as long as she doesn't throw her dummy out the pram if you said no, there's no issue at all. She isn't unreasonable for asking and you're not unreasonable if you say no. I actually think the fact you've created this to be an issue is more unreasonable tbh.

I personally wouldn't ask, but if I did ask, I would hope the person would just say no and that'd be that if they didn't want to, instead of creating a whole mumsnet post about how I'm being unreasonable for asking a simple question.

Kiwano · 16/06/2023 08:13

ZedMammy · 15/06/2023 21:16

I’d hope my friends could ask me for a lift from the moon if that’s what they needed. Isn’t that what friendship is about? Helping each other out? You don’t have to say yes but imagine not being able to ask your pal that!

I cannot imagine asking my friends to do something so obviously unreasonable. There's helping each other out, and there's totally taking the piss.

Daffodilwoman · 16/06/2023 08:13

I would not expect anyone other than dh to do this.
I don’t live close to an airport so it would. W a hard no from me.
Also people like this don’t often reciprocate.
She needs to get a taxi.

billy1966 · 16/06/2023 08:14

CharlieRight · 16/06/2023 07:24

The fact that she asked suggests that she doesn't think its unreasonable and would probably pick you up if asked.

So maybe you have got quite a good friend there and you should nurture that.

Or

That she is a tight CF who chose a cheap flight and knows the OP is a people pleasing mug and has decided to chance her arm.

CF's wouldn't dream of returning the favour and run a mile when asked for a favour, thats why they target people pleasers that are mugs.

A real friend wouldn't dream of asking this of another.

I wouldn't ask my husband even though I know he would do it for sure.

Because I really care about him, I wouldn't want his night disturbed and to put his safety at risk by asking him to drive in the middle of the night unnecessarily.

If the OP does this she is waving a flag to just how big a mug she is and she will most definitely be asked again.

Confusion101 · 16/06/2023 08:16

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 02:17

All the people saying they’d do it, if asked…

OK fine - but would you ask someone to give you a three-hour round journey lift in the early hours of the morning? Because that’s the topic being discussed.

Seriously, would you?

If your answer is ‘yes’, you’re a CF.

Yes I would! I'd do it if asked. I'd offer to do it if not asked. I'd ask if I was in that position. I'd also have no problem if the person I asked couldn't do it and replied with a polite no.

Honestly I think ye are all rotten friends to have such strong reactions to being asked something like this! It's fairly standard around here, I've done this for loads of people and have loads of people I would potentially ask in the same situation. Don't understand why everyone has to say no in such bitchy ways. Thankful for my friends after reading this really shitty thread!

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 08:19

Confusion101 · 16/06/2023 08:16

Yes I would! I'd do it if asked. I'd offer to do it if not asked. I'd ask if I was in that position. I'd also have no problem if the person I asked couldn't do it and replied with a polite no.

Honestly I think ye are all rotten friends to have such strong reactions to being asked something like this! It's fairly standard around here, I've done this for loads of people and have loads of people I would potentially ask in the same situation. Don't understand why everyone has to say no in such bitchy ways. Thankful for my friends after reading this really shitty thread!

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You’re a CF then, to put them out so spectacularly.

I wouldn’t even want DH to do this for me. I’d rather he stayed in bed and got some sleep. He’d want the same for me.

It’s total CF behaviour to ask someone to do this for you.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 08:21

And I say this as someone who has a village of people around me - we all do each other favours, are there for each other thorough the hard times, as well as the good.

We do not take the piss out of each other’s good nature and generosity.

Confusion101 · 16/06/2023 08:24

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 08:19

You’re a CF then, to put them out so spectacularly.

I wouldn’t even want DH to do this for me. I’d rather he stayed in bed and got some sleep. He’d want the same for me.

It’s total CF behaviour to ask someone to do this for you.

Show quote history

No. Its really not! It's CF behaviour to demand someone to do this for you, to get thick if they don't, to fall out with them over it. It is absolutely 100% acceptable to ask a friend to do this.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 08:24

No - it’s not.

Confusion101 · 16/06/2023 08:26

CrazyArmadilloLady · 16/06/2023 08:24

No - it’s not.

OK then..... Well we can go back and forth all day and night on this, even past 2am if we want.... I do not agree with you at all!

Redebs · 16/06/2023 08:42

If it was an emergency, I'd think it reasonable, but she's booked this as a matter of choice, so I'd say no.

It's going to mean a whole night without sleep for you, realistically. It's ridiculously selfish of her.

She needs to get a taxi. That's what they are for.

Mirabai · 16/06/2023 08:48

People who can’t drive and book flights arriving during the night usually factor the taxi into the cost of the holiday.

Unreasonable request that puts OP on difficult position. The answer is still no.