To ask my husband not to drink and drive at all

[Howgoesthework]

Having had experience of a serious car crash, and with family members with alcohol use disorder, I know I have an issue with alcohol and driving. My husband thinks it’s ok to have a pint (only one) and then with drive our kids in the car. I told him I don’t want him to do this; no alcohol at all when he’s driving, especially with our children in the car, but really all the time, for everyone on the road. I know when he’s had a drink because he slurs. I believe this means the alcohol is affecting him, and therefore he shouldn’t drive. He denies slurring and insists he’s safe after one drink. Even if he is, surely he should respect my feelings here?

The research would disagree with you.

It’s fine to have one drink then drive, that’s why there’s a limit which is based on evidence.

No. The evidence is that driving performance deteriorates with a blood alcohol level above 20 mg/100 mL, not the UK limit of 80 mg/100 mL. It is not fine to drive after one drink. If you're driving you shouldn't drink at all. There can't be a zero limit because (a) the limit can only ever be the lowest your test can detect and (b) you may have alcohol in your breath from mouthwash and in your blood from partially fermented fruit, etc. But people shouldn't assume that any level of alcohol consumption is safe for driving.

Moskowitz H & Robinson CD (1988). Effects of Low Doses of Alcohol on Driving-Related Skills: a Review of the Evidence. US Department of Transportation. https://rosap.ntl.bts.gov/view/dot/1461/dot_1461_DS1.pdf

Zador PL, Krawchuk SA & Voas RB (2000). Alcohol-related relative risk of driver fatalities and driver involvement in fatal crashes in relation to driver age and gender: an update using 1996 data. Journal of Studies on Alcohol 61, 387-395. https://doi.org/10.15288/jsa.2000.61.387

Blandino A, et al. (2022). Driving under the influence of drugs: correlation between blood psychoactive drug concentrations and cognitive impairment. A narrative review taking into account forensic issues. Forensic Science International: Synergy 4, 100224. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fsisyn.2022.100224

Better to be “massively overreacting” than looking up a calculator and putting in that one drink but forgetting the others or not admitting them. I don’t drink alcohol at all so I never have to think is it safe for me to use this heavy machine going at mph. There are so many easy solutions to going out and drinking and not driving - nominating a friend in the group to not be drinking so that they can be the groups driver, a taxi, a taxi type service, public transport, walking or mobility aid.

My husband doesn't drink and whilst I only occasionally have the odd drink and usually with a meal; his rule is I don't drive within a few hours of it. It's fine with me and I think it's much safer to drink OR drive but not both! Absolutely not with children in the car.

I don't drink at all when I'm driving. I know even half a pint makes me feel on the way to being merry so it must affect my other faculties.

I will get in a car with a driver who regularly drives after one though. Maybe I'm kidding myself but they don't seem as affected when they do it regularly.

It infuriates me when people say you can have one!!
if I choose none, I choose none!
just fuck off.

(sorry, vented a bit there)

And she wouldn't be losing much though really. If you drink and drive, you deserve to be locked up.

Ops husband is SLURRING after 1 drink, clearly indicating he is affected by it and should not be driving

I can and do drive. We live rurally and sometimes one child needs to be in one place and one in another, so he has to drive one or two of them. I think he may well ignore it, and I tbh hold the drinking culture in this country to blame in no small part. I stopped drinking at all as I couldn't sleep after even one, and I notice people are desperate to make me drink, or look at me very funny when I say I'm not drinking and quiz me as to why. I think I might have to just say he can't drink at all, and if he really feels he must for whatever reason, I'll have to drop them off and pick them up, however inconvenient. Thank you for your reply :)

If he's slurring after one pint I suspect he'a drinking secretly as well, and it's an even bigger problem.

I’d agree with you - but if he’s within the law the decision rests with him.

One pint is two drinks.. so whether he’d be under the limit will depend on his frame and how he processes alcohol.

If he is really slurring his words after a pint that isn’t normal. Could he be drinking more? If that’s unlikely then he should talk to the doc.

The op already admitted she was exaggerating that so …

report him to police while he's driving drunk.

I think he should respect your feelings on this matter. I just looked at the stats and drink driving offenders are predominantly men. I think this is linked to a feeling they are good drivers and the normal rules don’t apply to them. On a positive note the number of people killed in drink drive accidents has dropped massively over the past decades. I expect this is linked with car safety features and improvements in emergency health care, but it is good news.

I don’t drink anything if I’m driving. I would not like to have an element of doubt about my reactions in an accident. I can have a glass of wine when I get home.

Would people really report their own husband to the police and risk possibly ruining his career etc over 1 pint? That's a bit ott tbh. Do you even like your husband's if you would do that?!

I agree Op.

I sometimes have one drink at the beginning of an event say a dinner starting at 7.30 and then drive at say midnight
I am comfortable with that

Zero alcohol beer is freely available, your husband is a disgrace to drink even half a pint with kids in the car afterwards. Put your foot down, or you drive when he drinks.

And this is the common sense approach. If I’m going somewhere for a few hours then I’ll have a pint when I get there. Once 3-4 hours have passed there may be a trace left over but in all likelihood the whole 2-3 units will have been processed by my liver.

No, DiscoBeat, I didn't 'admit' I was exaggerating. I said that it was noticeable to me, perhaps not to everyone, so if for example you chatted with him, not knowing him, you might not notice, but it certainly is true.

If we are out with our children we make a point to decide who is driving and that person does not drink at all. For safety and setting a good example. Even without the kids, my husband either drinks or drives, never both. I will occasionally have a small glass of wine at the beginning of a function and drive home 2-3 hours later after eating and drinking water. The limit in Australia is 0.05 and the police set up mobile random breath testing stations so you are very likely to get caught if you’re over.

I think the normalising of large measures is problematic in the UK. So many people talking about a pint as being 1 drink. For the purpose of blood alcohol measurement a pint is 2 standard drinks, not 1.

Eek. Thank you all who have taken the time to reply; I have read all the responses and generally am grateful for your thoughtful replies. However, the thread is starting to run a bit wild for me, so I will check back in later but not likely to engage too much once the Mumsnet Monster has taken over iykwim ;)

Yes agree re drink sizes here in the UK.

Thankyou for correcting me, it's been a while since I was in Germany!

Do you have comprehension problems?

As I said, if my wife reported me to the Police for doing something that isn't illegal, I'd be finished with her.

If I had even a small glass of wine I would feel it and therefore not feel safe to drive