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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my husband not to drink and drive at all

109 replies

Howgoesthework · 14/06/2023 15:22

Having had experience of a serious car crash, and with family members with alcohol use disorder, I know I have an issue with alcohol and driving. My husband thinks it’s ok to have a pint (only one) and then with drive our kids in the car. I told him I don’t want him to do this; no alcohol at all when he’s driving, especially with our children in the car, but really all the time, for everyone on the road. I know when he’s had a drink because he slurs. I believe this means the alcohol is affecting him, and therefore he shouldn’t drive. He denies slurring and insists he’s safe after one drink. Even if he is, surely he should respect my feelings here?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Howgoesthework · 14/06/2023 16:46

Freefall212 · 14/06/2023 16:36

Here is a chart that helps predict BAC

It has a formula that includes weight, number of drinks, and time elapsed.

https://www.utc.edu/enrollment-management-and-student-affairs/center-for-wellbeing/alcohol-and-other-drug-education/blood-alcohol-content

Thanks, that's helpful.

OP posts:
CalamityCara · 14/06/2023 16:48

I'd be concerned he is slurring his words after just one pint!

TBF, I can’t even have half a glass of wine without slurring, it just seems to make my mouth go funny, I’ve known other people drink several units and not have their so each affected at all.

CalamityCara · 14/06/2023 16:49

#speach affect at all

LlynTegid · 14/06/2023 16:50

Ask is not the word I'd use. Probably insist.

Survey99 · 14/06/2023 16:50

BarryK3nt · 14/06/2023 15:37

It’s fine to have one drink then drive, that’s why there’s a limit which is based on evidence.

The UK (excluding Scotland) is the only country in Europe with such a high limits, even commercial drivers can drink without breaking the law. It hasnt changed since set in the 1960s.

It is long overdue being revised with current evidence.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 14/06/2023 16:52

YANBU

he can have an alcohol free beer if he’s that bothered.

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/06/2023 16:54

YANBU. I don't have a car but on the rare occasions I drive I do not drink at all.

Yesterday I met Mr Monkey off the train after work and as it was a nice evening we stopped for a quick drink at a pub (don't worry we were walking home!). He has a pint and I had one 175ml glass of wine. Making dinner 20 mins later I could definitely notice my reactions were a bit slower and sloppier.

saraclara · 14/06/2023 16:54

ButterCrackers · 14/06/2023 16:17

No alcohol for 24hrs and then a breath test to check on the blood level should be the rule.

So basically no driver can ever have so much as a glass of wine with their dinner if they're driving to work the next day? You're being ridiculous.

ColdHandsHotHead · 14/06/2023 16:55

PToosher · 14/06/2023 16:03

Personally I don't drink at all when I drive.

But if my wife did this to me, reported me to the Police for doing something that's not illegal, I'd be finished with her.

Show quote history

If you were over the limit, as seems likely in this case, she'd be finished with you.

LanaL · 14/06/2023 16:56

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all. There is a limit , so obviously for some people it is ok but it’s so important to remember how alcohol affects people differently and how we change. I can drink rum or beer and barely feel affected after a good few drinks , but give me a glass of red wine and I’ll be drunk after a glass ! I used to barely be able to sniff Prosecco without feeling tipsy yet lately I can do a bottle and feel normal! I’m going off topic but what I mean by that is , our tolerance changes ..one day he could be fine after a pint , but another time not . If it’s causing you anxiety then he shouldn’t be doing it . How would he feel if he was in an accident after a pint , after you had spoke to him about it?!

People do have mixed views about this , i know of people who will have 2/3 drinks then drive and think nothing of it. Me , personally , I wouldn’t get in my car after 1 drink. I have had a rum and coke , or a cider , before and realised I needed something from the shop so I have walked. Recently, I had a glass of Prosecco whilst my husband was doing the front garden and the car was parked on the road … he then asked me to park it back on the drive , so literally just reversing and driving on and I refused due to having had a drink!

SleeplessinScarbourough · 14/06/2023 16:58

YANBU new campaign is “have none for the road”
I’m the designated driver and the amount of pressure to just have one - even from people I’ll be giving a lift to later on!!

ButterCrackers · 14/06/2023 16:59

saraclara · 14/06/2023 16:54

So basically no driver can ever have so much as a glass of wine with their dinner if they're driving to work the next day? You're being ridiculous.

Show quote history

That’s right. If you can’t manage the possibility not being able to have your glass of wine before driving or riding a motor bike, do get a medical checkup for alcohol dependence.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 14/06/2023 16:59

gogohmm · 14/06/2023 16:38

I've never heard of anyone slurring after one pint of normal strength beer. Are you sure he's only having one?

I'm not tolerant of drink driving but one pint isn't enough to make a difference according to experts hence the limit - and for people who live rurally you simply would never be able to have a drink with a meal (we have no taxis). Fortunately I can walk to the pub but it's not possible for many

one pint isn't enough to make a difference

That is untrue. Have a look at the link I posted earlier that summarises much of the research.

I live rurally. Either one of us doesn't drink or we get a taxi. I know taxis are not feasible for everyone. One of the party not drinking is a perfectly reasonable alternative.

drpet49 · 14/06/2023 17:00

CurlewKate · 14/06/2023 16:06

If he slurs, he's having more than a pint.

This.

BonnieBobbin · 14/06/2023 17:00

Can you learn to drive? It sounds as though your DH is going to ignore your request so the only way you can be sure your DCs aren't being driven by someone who has had alcohol is if you drive them. YANBU neither myself or DH drink anything if we have to drive.

TrashyPanda · 14/06/2023 17:00

Totally right

england has one of the highest permitted alcohol levels in the world

Nobody needs to drink and drive

TenoringBehind · 14/06/2023 17:02

He’s either having more than one pint or his body has a very low tolerance of alcohol. Either way he shouldn’t be driving.

Curseofthenation · 14/06/2023 17:03

I might have one drink when I get to a venue if I'm out for a meal without my DC and still drive. I'm always there for at least 2.5 hours though, have a soft drink after and obviously have a full stomach. I don't slur my words even straight after one drink though and I am far from a heavy drinker. I drink maybe two drinks a week (when I'm not pregnant as I currently am!)

pizzaHeart · 14/06/2023 17:08

HeadNorth · 14/06/2023 15:47

YANBU - we have a lower limit in Scotland, which basically means no one risks having a drink if they are going to drive, it is effectively zero alcohol if you plan to drive. I think this is the best approach - saves confusion, saves lives.

I absolutely agree and it’s a very clear approach which indeed saves any confusion.
people do react differently on alcohol depending on their size, age, health , attitude, type of drink.
And if someone can’t go without a drink it means they have drink problem.

wildfirewonder · 14/06/2023 17:11

In our house we don't drink at all if driving.

saraclara · 14/06/2023 17:13

ButterCrackers · 14/06/2023 16:59

That’s right. If you can’t manage the possibility not being able to have your glass of wine before driving or riding a motor bike, do get a medical checkup for alcohol dependence.

Show quote history

One glass of wine consumed by 9pm, and you're sober by a quarter past midnight, according to this calculator.

https://www.confused.com/car-insurance/morning-after-calculator

Not just legally allowed to drive, but with the alcohol having left your system. Add that's for a relatively small woman.

Personally I wouldn't drive until the morning, but your 24 hours is a massive overreaction.

To ask my husband not to drink and drive at all
To ask my husband not to drink and drive at all
Hoppinggreen · 14/06/2023 17:18

Howgoesthework · 14/06/2023 16:26

It's probably not so much that most people would notice anything amiss, but I guess after years together you notice small changes in your partner's behaviour. It's not like he's unable to talk, just that he speaks less clearly, so maybe slurring is an exaggeration.

Show quote history

I definitely know if DH has had even 1 pint. He may be legally able to drive (no idea unless he uses a breathalyser each time) but if he wants a drink I drive or vice versus. I am sure I feel differently after just 1 small glass of wine so why take the risk?
Its completely unnecessary

mellicauli · 14/06/2023 17:20

Compromise? Pint of shandy with a bag of crisps..

SchoolShenanigans · 14/06/2023 17:21

If your husband is slurring then yes, I totally agree he shouldn't be driving!

My husband can have one or two pints and not feel it, so it doesn't bother me as I know he's still 100% in control. Albeit I realise there'd be an issue if we were stopped for any reason.