Friend’s 40th dinner!!

[GCalltheway]

Long standing friendship has run into difficulties the last few years, we both have other friendship circles, but we always used to make time for each other.
It came to a head a few times when she didn’t invite me to special occasions she was having but invited other mutual friends, and rather than ghost her I was honest, I felt the friendship had cooled and if she wanted it to continue she would have to make an effort. I had still continued to include her but I was tired of it being one sided.

Nothing changed and I stopped inviting her to stuff and moved on, she would get annoyed if not invited. We have barely spoken since Xmas apart from the odd text.

Fast forward friend is 40 having a dinner in London early Aug and has invited me. I have tried to organise a coffee with her to talk things through, but she is always too busy apparently.
I have no idea what to do. It’s a special birthday and maybe she is trying to mend broken fences but then why not meet up? Or has she invited me out of obligation? What do you make of it? Would you go? Or not?

Can you elaborate?

I don’t think she wants to renew d

In your first post, you talk about a friendship that has gone awry.

In follow-up posts, it feels like your "friend" is a bully who has the potential to make your life miserable.

This doesn't feel like it has anything to do with where you live and everything to do with your relationship to your "friend".

Sorry accidentally posted too soon.
I don’t think she wants to renew deep friendship and be back into your life. Otherwise she would agree to meet. People like her are usually sure in themselves so she wouldn’t be worried about how to handle a coffee meet up. She invited you to look good. There will be people whom she wants to impress with her kindness and fairness. That’s all.
Unfortunately you won’t be able to control her narrative about you whatever you are doing: going or not going. You would send her flowers and a gift but she wouldn’t tell about it but she would tell others how upset she was about you not coming clearly out of the spite.
You would go and then her narrative would be about you not inviting her for something or you being not polite enough or staying at the party not long enough.
It’s difficult to advise without knowing all politics around the situation as clearly there is a lot. You mentioned children maybe she invited you as she wanted easier relationship between your DC and hers. After the invite would you feel obliged to invite her to your events, her DC to your DC events ? Would you be able to escape from the party early? Do you think she is trying to put a wedge between you and some of your friends who are not invited? What would you do if she’d say in front of others that all was nice and rosy between you two from now on? It’s all questions you need to consider and probably a lot more.
Some posters said I would go nice and breezy and then f* it all. But they are clearly people who can pull this kind of attitude through. I don’t think you would but I might be mistaken.
You need a good detailed plan which you can pull through. So if you are going to decline : book something and go away and tell everyone first that yes, unfortunately you are going away. And don’t tell anyone that it’s your excuse.
And you need a plan how to explain your invite for coffee: you wanted to say that you can’t come in person or you wanted to give her a present and a card in person or you just being bored.
You don’t need to make this explanations to her, first to others or maybe no one but you have to have them handy just in case. Forgive me but you are clearly over thinker. As a fellow over thinker I know that the only way out is over planning.
We can’t tell you what to do as we are not you and we don’t know everything. I was in a tiny bit similar situation recently and I went to the event. I was a perfect guest and then I went home and cried and cried and cried to relieve myself of the stress but on paper it looked fine. The politics of the situation demanded this approach so I did, but it’s one off and no one expected anything for me again. Yes life is too short to do this and that but on the long run it’s one off and now it’s made my life easier.

It’s all those things. I trusted her, I shouldn’t have done. I have since distanced myself but we live close to each other, share the same friends. schools, church etc.