Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

I'd tell your husband he needs to find a new support human. This is an incredibly problematic situation being modelled.

A few years down the line the partners of your DS's will be moaning on here about the man babies they have and how they can't do anything for themselves.

Our job as parents is to bring up independent adults, time to put your foot down OP.

Women and girls are not support humans.

Your husband and sons (especially your eldest) need to get involved in the cooking! Your sons can learn while you supervise for safety reasons obviously. And your husband can start to cook some of his own meals if he insists on not eating british foods atall. Whether you have a daughter or not is completely irrelevant and your sons needs to see that they don't get away with not contributing just because they are Boys! This way of thinking needs to stop.

I can’t really get past the confusion I’m feeling on how you have time to do all this. Just a practical logistical point.

Anyway, even though your situation is obviously ridiculous and you should tell them to make their own food, maybe some of the following would help:

• bulk make milkshake at the start of the week, I’m sure he can pour it himself.
• omlettes can be made, frozen and reheated in the microwave, saves you washing a pan every morning.
• have a jug of water in the fridge then son can help himself
• have a giant Tupperware of chopped fruit and salad, they can help themselves.

Or alternatively tell them to piss off!

It is extremely hot weather and will carry on being that for some time.

So one way forward is up the grazing foods.

So, big three tier basket of fruit. Always available. Bread/wraps and snacks that even a ten year old can put together. Crackers, naan bread? Cheeses?

I'm a single mum and budgeting and cooking can be exhausting it is true. I've learned though - I need to make the most of healthy and easy ways.

I think in your position I would probably make a different dhal every day (which lots of people do across the world) leave it in the fridge plus pre cooked rice which can be heated up - and yoghurt available and say if anyone wants a hot meal that is what is available.

And on the quiet I would definitely take yourself out for lunch/dinner once a week to get a break from cooking.

As for the making drinks for other people. No one does it for me - and so going out is the only way I can get a break from it. Take a newspaper if you feel odd going on your own.

Dietary requirements are one thing. being awkward and exploitative is quite another!

Is this a joke? They can have all that food and drink if they want but it's not your job to prepare it. This is 1920s housewife stuff

I hope to goodness you have a dishwasher

The idea that a 'cooked meal' is somehow more caloric than a cold one is incorrect.
Many cultures such as all of Asia generally eat almost exclusively hot food.
Sandwiches, a packet of crisps and a piece of fruit probably had more calories than a homemade cooked meal.

No, he job isn't to provide 3 nutritious meals a day for the family. She has a grown man of a husband to split the chores with.

Well, time for them to learn how to cook!

My DD is hungry straight from school so she has a snack and then we eat at 6pm. It’s a 2 option meal… Eat it / Don’t eat it. If your DH wants curry and kid won’t eat that then he can make it otherwise everyone eats together at 6pm and it’s something everyone CAN eat. My DD is 12 and spicy is a no-no but she’d have no say at all about whether food had been frozen for my convenience! She also makes her own drinks and dessert.

Stop being a martyr!

Not my point. You know what I mean and what that term generally means.

I’m embarrassed for you OP. Your husband has been raised that way presumably. Your eldest has been raised by YOU. Why have you let this happen?

Or she could stop being his servant.

I'm not sure what you mean either. I eat 3 hot meals a day and my diet is very healthy and my health is excellent.

There’s this thing called feminism which says actually you really don’t have to live like this unless you genuinely want to (which it doesn’t sound like you do).

The next generation of women are not going to put up with this nonsense from your son.

Stop pandering to him now. Tell him he needs to fetch his own water and cook his own omelette and generally grow up to be a self sufficient and respectful person.

Otherwise every woman he dates is going to immediately throw him back. And he'll be crying to you wondering why he can't keep a girlfriend.

If this is real, it's outrageous and you need to get some self respect, not a batch cooking plan. My lord.

Anyway - there's nothing wrong with a sandwich for lunch, it's a staple for thousands. It can be filling and nutritious but - here's the point - saving you woman hours.
You'll be very clear by now what people think though, and it's not about the food.

I agree the hot meals are not the issue, the issue is the demand that you cook them all. If they want to make themselves pasta or something they should crack on, or make a sandwich.

Just don't do it anymore. Have a sit down and tell them you can't manage with all these requests. Lay out what you are happy to prepare, and they can either take it or leave it.

This OP really made me smile. I would love for a grown man and some entitled 10 year old to try and tell me what they will and won't accept for food in a house where I'm in sole charge of cooking . You sound like the perfect family for Wife Swap op. Can you imagine your husband and children ending up with a wife who never cooks and only dishes up takeaway/convenience food. So funny.

Ok.
What I mean is this: she is expected to cook three meals a day. Time consuming and giving her stress. My point is that for health the man and the boy don't need this. They can have three healthy meals which are filling but don't need to all be cooked.
Brilliant for you if that's what you do, but this woman is struggling.

Thing is I chose to work as I wanted my own financial independence.
There's no expectation for me to work so I've always felt if I choose to work that can't impact my ability to do housework.

What about him choosing to work? Does that impact his ability to do housework?

You seem so far in the internalised misogyny, you can't see it.

Oh my good god. At what point do the words “make it yourself dear” get said?

Yes I appreciate cultural differences, but if it’s not working for you and you’re exhausted then something has to change. I am willing to bet that not all Pakistani families involve this level of drudgery. Don’t be made to feel guilty for working- I bet your wages improve all of your lives, and if you want to work you absolutely should be able to.

And you are doing your son no favours either, I am sure no self-respecting gen x/z would do this for their partners. He needs to get some independence, unless you want him living with you for the rest of your life.

If you like your partner (I’m assuming you like your son) you need a very frank discussion about this, followed by clear boundaries which you then have to stick to. If he won’t adapt then I’d start thinking about a plan to leave.

In intercultural marriages, there has to be some compromise and respect of both cultures. You are already making him only curries for dinner, so you have already compromised. I think it's only fair if breakfast and lunch don't have to strictly fall into this one cultural category. He might hate English food but he married an Englishwoman so he'll just need to adapt, like you have.

Why should she make her husband a sandwich? He works from home. The kitchen is a few metres from his desk!! She is not his servant!!