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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kill this spider

109 replies

Balloonhearts · 11/06/2023 21:25

Nc as I have shown everyone I know this photo in an attempt to get someone to evict it.

It's living right under my kitchen window and I cannot cope with the idea that it may come into the house. No one will get close enough to move it as its massive (large snail included for scale) so I'm at the stage of considering asking my dad to come round with some fly spray and kill it.

Does anyone know what kind of spider it is, even?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/06/2023 22:54

Panteranoir · 11/06/2023 22:32

I'm terrified of spiders OP. Really hate them and last weekend there was one on the outside of my front door frame that looked like the Daddy. It was the Tyson Fury of spiders. Humongous. Huge. Pretty sure I heard it say 'alright love' in a voice reminiscent of Ray Winston as I carefully sidled past.

I did leave it alone but live in constant fear it will come in through the air brick or possibly even just unlock the front door. We've had whoppers already this year at home and work. Including one that popped up next to my head from behind the back of the sofa. It was an excellent opportunity to see a fat menopausal lady vault off the sofa in a nanosecond.

You do what's right for you.

Besides the people screeching 'leave the spider alllllooooooone' are probably the same ones saying all dogs are hateful and I doubt they're all vegan. They'll also tell you spiders won't hurt you, when in fact some can bite and the eight legged bastards don't give a shiny shit if they cause you to have a fatal heart attack. And they tell you that outside ones don't come inside. They do. I've caught a fucking massive one strolling in through my bedroom window once. I once had a running battle with a giant one trying to run under the big roller shutter door at work. The only thing I had to hand was a shovel. I ran about like a banshee banging the shovel on the concrete floor to try and frighten it back out. It worked, but it was a close run thing. It really wanted in.

Spider bites

This is a link to a daily record article with an expert explaining that they can bite and they they do come in.

Mumsnet is absolutely holier than thou when it comes mental health, anxiety, PTSD, OCD etc but people who suffer with very real, very debilitating phobias are treated with disdain and mocked by people with no empathy. I totally understand how horrid it must be for you to have that spider so close. I have a physical reaction to them. My entire arms and legs immediately turn to goosebumps when I see one.

If you need to, get your Dad to come and squash the bugger. If you feel guilty maybe don't eat meat for a fortnight or something?

The biggest ones are more likely to sound like the Seawitch in The Little Mermaid than Ray Winstone. Because they're female.

SirenSays · 11/06/2023 22:57

Mirandawrongs · 11/06/2023 21:35

There’s a rhyme in my house:

if you want to live and thrive,
let a spider run alive.

My grandma used to say this. I haven't thought about that in years, talk about a blast from the past.

I wouldn't kill it but id get someone to relocate it further away, much further.

Hibye23289 · 11/06/2023 22:58

@Balloonhearts 🤣🤣🤣 chuck a pack of trebor mints at it, how funny.

I haaaate spiders, had to see someone to try and get over the phobia.

Watchinghurling · 11/06/2023 23:01

Leave it be. It's harmless.

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/06/2023 23:07

The only reason you're scared of the spider is that when you were small your mum, or your grandma saw a spider and was scared. You witnessed that and your young mind thought "blimey - mum/gran is scared and they are always right so I need to be scared of them too" Part evolutionary, part instinct. But you're an adult now and know better. It can't hurt you, it protects you from insects that can and will hurt you so leave it be.

Gracewithoutend · 11/06/2023 23:13

Leave it alone. It's not harming you. If it wanted to come in, it would already be in. If you can't stand it round the window, get someone to put it at the bottom of your garden.
Spiders are our friends. They eat the bugs round the house, keeping it nice and clear.

ThursdayFreedom · 11/06/2023 23:32

@Balloonhearts

looking at this logically, WHY are you terrified of this spider? Even if it's big for a spider (and frankly I wouldn't say it is) what's it going to actually DO if it comes inside?

it's not going to beat you to death
it's not going to eat you
it's not going to rob you
it's not going to graffiti your walls

what are you terrified of it actually doing?

you are millions of times its size/weight.

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 11/06/2023 23:42

You'd hate my kitchen. I have a false widow that has taken up permanent residence in the corner of the window, it's been there for 2 seasons now. Even survived the winter, I detest the thing, but because it eats flies I'm not gonna kill it. Last summer I had 5 at one time including one that laid some eggs (which I destroyed once the mother fucked off). I also have one above my front door.
I can deal with a house spider, they are longer in body. Garden and false widows give me the heebie jeebies due to their fat round abdomen(s?) <Shudder>

Maddy70 · 11/06/2023 23:51

I have no idea why anyone would want to kill anything tbh

truthhurts23 · 11/06/2023 23:58

I’m terrified of spiders but even I couldn’t kill something that’s outside, leave it alone

PoxyAndIKnowIt · 12/06/2023 00:05

Urgh, no wonder I'm a misanthrope: "Don't like this thing... must kill it...grunt" 😓
Give me a houseful of spiders over mindless destroyers of harmless creatures any day.

Spiders are amazing and fascinating. I remember one setting up web outside the plastic window of our continental tent in France. It caught several flies and a wasp. It started to rain, so Spinderella went round quickly chomping on her catches, then hurriedly undid and took in her web! It reminded me of taking the washing in a hurry in the rain. I had no idea they did this!

ObviouslyNameChanged99 · 12/06/2023 00:18

Stop being such a pansy!

The vast majority of spiders in the UK don't bite. They eat annoying flies and are part of the eco system.

You're only scared of it because someone has taught you, inadvertently, to be scared of it!

Don't be so pathetic! (No offence to those who genuinely have arachnophobia, but I don't think OP does, because if s/he did, they wouldn't be able to post/take a photo).

Boomboom22 · 12/06/2023 00:24

Actually it's normal to be scared of spiders and snakes. They are the few phobias that do likely have an evolutionary basis as people that didn't like them survived, most globally are poisonous so our genes don't care that uk spiders are mostly harmless.
Social learning from role models or conditioning from experience comes into play with most other phobias and might heighten natural instinctive fear.
So in conclusion op, it is the spider lovers who are weird not you 🤣

PoxyAndIKnowIt · 12/06/2023 01:30

@Boomboom22 it's not the fear that's the problem; it's the desire to kill that's so awful and inhumane.

Despite our genes, the vast majority of people in this country know that a spider here is pretty much harmless, so killing is a huge overreaction.

DiscoBeat · 12/06/2023 02:12

It looks very well set up there. I don't think it wants to come in.

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/06/2023 03:41

Panteranoir · 11/06/2023 22:32

I'm terrified of spiders OP. Really hate them and last weekend there was one on the outside of my front door frame that looked like the Daddy. It was the Tyson Fury of spiders. Humongous. Huge. Pretty sure I heard it say 'alright love' in a voice reminiscent of Ray Winston as I carefully sidled past.

I did leave it alone but live in constant fear it will come in through the air brick or possibly even just unlock the front door. We've had whoppers already this year at home and work. Including one that popped up next to my head from behind the back of the sofa. It was an excellent opportunity to see a fat menopausal lady vault off the sofa in a nanosecond.

You do what's right for you.

Besides the people screeching 'leave the spider alllllooooooone' are probably the same ones saying all dogs are hateful and I doubt they're all vegan. They'll also tell you spiders won't hurt you, when in fact some can bite and the eight legged bastards don't give a shiny shit if they cause you to have a fatal heart attack. And they tell you that outside ones don't come inside. They do. I've caught a fucking massive one strolling in through my bedroom window once. I once had a running battle with a giant one trying to run under the big roller shutter door at work. The only thing I had to hand was a shovel. I ran about like a banshee banging the shovel on the concrete floor to try and frighten it back out. It worked, but it was a close run thing. It really wanted in.

Spider bites

This is a link to a daily record article with an expert explaining that they can bite and they they do come in.

Mumsnet is absolutely holier than thou when it comes mental health, anxiety, PTSD, OCD etc but people who suffer with very real, very debilitating phobias are treated with disdain and mocked by people with no empathy. I totally understand how horrid it must be for you to have that spider so close. I have a physical reaction to them. My entire arms and legs immediately turn to goosebumps when I see one.

If you need to, get your Dad to come and squash the bugger. If you feel guilty maybe don't eat meat for a fortnight or something?

Ah..

Best thing you can do for your fear of spiders is stop reading bullshit, clean your house to remove webs and leave spiders alone.

In autumn, shake out clothing left on floor/backs of chairs for a while, ditto shoes. Leave a strip of loo roll or a towel over the side of the bath for spiders to get out so you don't have to deal with them (they did not come up the plug hole btw and so will not go down there. They slid in looking for water and are trapped.)

If you have an insect bite of any kind - 1 it is near impossible to determine what bit you unless you see it happen, 2 - even spider experts can't tell you so no, your Auntie Betty or your GP cannot tell you, 3 - keep it clean and seek medical advice if it looks infected.

You are far more likely to be bitten or stung by wasps, bees, fleas, bed bugs, ants, mosquitos, horseflies... than you are by a spider (and if we had no spiders, you'd be a LOT more likely to be bitten or stung by all of those!).

WildFlowerBees · 12/06/2023 07:05

We have a false widow living in our parcel bin, I've named her and when I collect my post she scuttles off into the corner and I say good morning! Just collecting my post have a lovely day! I don't like spiders they look alien but I could never kill one.

Get a spider hoover, and relocate it. We pick them up with that it's gentle and I give them a 'my house is not a nightclub' chat when evicting them. Even one of my cats is terrified of the big ones. 🙄

Please don't kill it, they're so good for our eco system. It's not going to come in an ransack your home.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 15/06/2023 10:01

Lady Voldemort and I have come to a respectful arrangement where she stays the fuck out of my house, I don't kill her and once a month I knock loudly on the cover, wait 30 seconds before removing it and she takes herself off out of sight while I read the meter. Everybody wins.

OP posts:
PriOn1 · 15/06/2023 10:36

Well that’s a lovely update. I wish you both well.

SinnerBoy · 15/06/2023 10:46

Female house spiders can live for as long as ten years. I'm glad you haven't killed her.

NeedANewPhone1 · 15/06/2023 10:54

I love your update ❤️ I happily co-exist with house spiders but it must be hard if you're terrified of them.

I can't believe nobody would come and move her for you though!

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 15/06/2023 11:14

Lady Voldemort! I love it. She's a big old thing isn't she.

orangegato · 15/06/2023 11:17

Kill it asap, fuck that.

WickedSerious · 15/06/2023 11:19

I'd let it be.

Mind,if it's outside next doors' cat would eat it.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 15/06/2023 11:19

My colleague lives nearby and will come move her when he gets a chance but until then she can stay as long as she stays on her home patch. She breaks the contract she will be evicted immediately.

OP posts: