To not like being asked my age

[Shitsandwiches]

....to the point of feeling like knocking a few years off when people ask.

I'm 46 and all of a sudden feel like a protected characteristic. So much so, that when asked, I feel like going all Hollywood and shaving a few years off as if it's something to be ashamed of. One of my friends is gay and he resented having to 'come out' to a heterosexual world and be judged, labelled & categorised. He just is him and I completely relate.

My reasons are:

I'm not in the career I want yet
People I work with are younger than me and further on than me
I'm a single mum and lost my late 20's & 30's in a miserable marriage and feel like I'm at the start of my life again now
I don't have a group of friends the same age - they're either younger or older.
I don't look 46, whatever that is - I could get away with 40 and I'm naturally young at heart.
I care what people think about me too much
I'm a victim of the patriarchy

I've been asked a couple times recently at work and I just bristle and feel defensive and uncomfortable - and I really don't want to feel like that. Just wondering if this is normal to feel like this.....at my age! or AIBU (with myself) and should just not care, be out and proud as it were.

Interestingly I don't care about other peoples ages at all. Maybe I'm just having a moment.

Thanks

I always tell people that I’m older than I am so that they tell me I look amazing for my age. It’s a great confidence booster 😂

😂love it

Honestly. It's only a number. Be glad you have reached it, many don't get the chance to

I just raise an eyebrow quizzically and reply that it's considered rude to ask a lady her age. No one has ever questioned that.

That is so true - I have a lot to be grateful for and I'm being silly!

I will try that!!

I am in the very mature band (make of that what you will). and have mentioned my age to a few and for different reasons. Shocked looks and comments are sometimes the reaction which is nice but sometimes no reaction which is fair play. I've never been asked outright but my answer would be "old enough to wish I was younger"

I answeras it's a fact it does not help anyone me pretending I am something I am not and it won't change anything, I am the age I am

You are definitely NBU for feeling a bit uneasy about getting older and how older women are categorised and perceived in society.
I am 38, almost 39!! I certainly don't feel it, and my 30's have been up and down in terms of 'life achievements'. Like you I feel a bit left behind my peers, and don't like to compare.
I'm hoping my 40's will be better, and I have lots of plans - it ain't over yet!! But I'm starting to realise why my mother used to always say she was 'Over 21' when asked her age 😁

However you are definitely BU for comparing it to someone 'coming out' at work or whatever, it really isn't the same thing at all.

I’ve just turned 50 and was dreading it for ages. But it’s just a number, it’s fine, honestly! Better than the alternative?….

haha so true! I'm 'over 21'

I wasn't comparing it to coming out really - we were having a conversation and I was thinking, I totally empathise, I don't want to be categorised either.

I think it's a bit gauche to think that being 46 is the same as having to come out as gay... everyone ages not everyone faces persecution for their sexuality.

I never understand why some people are so precious about how old they are. It is always women and I always find it so pathetic.

Wise up. I had two very good friends die at 36 and 38. It’s actually quite offensive to read someone complain about being 46 🙄

Imo it’s just a number, I’m 44 can’t actually believe I’m this age I don’t feel it in my head but my body absolutely does feel about 55 I have dodgy knees so trying to lose weight and am very sore. Just say none of your business op if you don’t want to say, it makes no difference to anything. My eldest son is 22 and I mentioned it to someone recently and they said I didn’t look old enough, I feel it but did laugh 😂 they were likely being kind 😂

I am really sorry about your friends and I didn't mean to offend anyone.

I see how it sounds, but I honestly wasn't comparing myself to coming out as gay - we were having a conversation about societies labels and i've been thinking about it a lot recently.

haha! I don't know what age I feel in my head - 26 probably.

"Over 21"
"Isn't it rude to ask a lady her age?"
"Old enough to know better"
"The same age as my tongue and a little older than my teeth"
"How curious, why do you ask?"

It's not an unreasonable feeling to personal question. I generally don't discuss anything like that, mainly because it rarely comes up and I don't see much benefit in discussing what precise age or anything people are.

Most of this seems to be your self perception though rather than anything to do with others. There is no universal place someone who is 46 should be. Having friends of a wide range of ages doesn't change the age one is and the age people look is pretty subjective. Shaving off those years doesn't change anything, and the whole 'young at heart' and 'oh I look younger' is just dodging the truth - you look and feel 46 because that's the age you are and that's your experience of those. I've found it better to be grounded in my age that deny it.

Yeah I totally agree, thank you - it's a self-perception thing I've got going on here. I feel like I haven't fully grown up as it were - or I'm now free to start finding myself but all of sudden feel conscious that I've been left behind by my peers as a PP said.

Hopefully this is just a passing episode of self-consciousness.

It used to be considered as rude to ask an adult their age, and I wish it still was!

"The same age as my tongue and a little older than my teeth"

I'm just imagining saying that to someone casually with a straight face 😀

I really don’t care.

I know - some people can be quite direct these days - not that I'm being asked it everyday, but when I have been, I can see the asker feels entitled to know...