To not like being asked my age

[Shitsandwiches]

....to the point of feeling like knocking a few years off when people ask.

I'm 46 and all of a sudden feel like a protected characteristic. So much so, that when asked, I feel like going all Hollywood and shaving a few years off as if it's something to be ashamed of. One of my friends is gay and he resented having to 'come out' to a heterosexual world and be judged, labelled & categorised. He just is him and I completely relate.

My reasons are:

I'm not in the career I want yet
People I work with are younger than me and further on than me
I'm a single mum and lost my late 20's & 30's in a miserable marriage and feel like I'm at the start of my life again now
I don't have a group of friends the same age - they're either younger or older.
I don't look 46, whatever that is - I could get away with 40 and I'm naturally young at heart.
I care what people think about me too much
I'm a victim of the patriarchy

I've been asked a couple times recently at work and I just bristle and feel defensive and uncomfortable - and I really don't want to feel like that. Just wondering if this is normal to feel like this.....at my age! or AIBU (with myself) and should just not care, be out and proud as it were.

Interestingly I don't care about other peoples ages at all. Maybe I'm just having a moment.

Thanks

Smile and say, in a jokey way either ' you know, a lady never reveals her age' or '21 forever' or something along those lines. Or if you don't need to be polite ' It's considered rude to ask a person their age.'

What's wrong with being 46? Once you get to 50 you really won't give a wotsit. I just tell people that I'm an old bag 😂

I don’t think asking a woman’s age is rude any more. It’s a bit precious, all the ‘a lady never tells’ stuff, isn’t it?

I think you need to work on your self esteem. Everybody ages if they’re lucky.

“Why do you ask” then a head tilt

@ththimblgattle167
Exactly this! When I got to 50, people were like " ooh you're in your 50s now!" like I was on my way to an old people's home. Reaching 50 didn't bother me- I'm nearly 55 now, and I've lost people the same age as me who I was at school with.
My MIL was only 53 when she died 22 years ago,she had so much to be here for.

It’s general chit chat I doubt they are that interested or invested in you to really care

being arsey or refusing to answer would create more interest than if you just told them

How often does it actually happen? I think the last time I was asked I couldn't remember how old I was and had to do the maths.

Why is it rude to ask someones age?! I have never understood this. It is simply a fact, one you can do literally nothing about.

I'm 38, but cannot imagine my answer will be any different when I'm 48 or 58. Aging is a privilege not everyone gets.

haha

It's happened a few times recently - being asked directly a couple of times and then ending up in a conversation about birth years at work - well, I was pulled into it by being asked directly

I should have just said I can't remember how old I am - or trotted out that line about tongues and teeth 😂

Nice!

Getting older is a gift and a privilege. The alternative is much worse.

And remember the greatest (arguably) Investor of all time Warren Buffet is still running is mammoth investment firm (Berkshire Hathaway) aged 92 with his partner, the equally incredible Charlie Munger aged 98. Look them up, age means nothing to them.

I think age in careers is changing. It’s becoming the normal to work longer and not just retire age 60. The government needs us to work longer too. They can’t afford all us old folk at home not contributing to the economy.

Don’t worry OP about your age. You are a youngster! Good luck in your career. Wishing you much success.

Yes - labelling you!

I'm really sorry about your MIL. I lost my mum last year, she was only 69 and had so much more to do 😞

I feel totally ridiculous now. I am BVV silly and U.

Amazing, thank you @Frozzie1

I'm looking them up now!

Just forget how old you are? Why do you care it means so very little.

I am 53 but it is a long time since anybody asked me my age, it generally isn’t the done thing. I do sometimes let people know my age though, for example in my new job I have referenced missing my 50th birthday celebrations because the pandemic started. My mother really ingrained in me that my age is nothing that I should ever feel like I need to hide, it is simply my history.

Probably because of your personal baggage- we are all different
I like being asked and I’m proud of mine. I often ask others so I can see if we share common cultural references or experiences such as meno

Yes definitely - I've got baggage! I love talking to people and finding common ground - I need to find friends my own age. I think I'm peri-meno too, that's probably adding to this a bit.

You're right

Like you have some kind of neuromuscular disorder?

😂 a cervical disc just gave way

In my out of work life I have no problem saying my age. I'm going a bit grey and proud of it. My best friend did not live to have this privilege.

However, I understand what you mean about work. When I went back to work (after being a mum and self-employed) I struggled to get job. I genuinely had 3 potential employers say that I was the best candidate but their team was mostly male and young. If I was a young woman or older man I could have been considered. One of the employers even finished off the phone call saying that she was a champion of women in that sector so if there was anything else she could do for me...

I'm now in a pretty low level role in a different sector - would not have been my choice. My two same grade colleagues are younger men (28 - 32ish) one of whom thinks I'm an old grandma who knows nothing about technology or even spreadsheets (if only he knew). The people above me are mostly women but younger than me and somewhat patronising to me. The only women of my age are in Admin roles.
So I'm not comfortable stating my age there - it seems to count against me, and if I'm honest, I'm embarrassed to be doing a job that is the equivalent grade to what I was doing half a lifetime ago and extraordinarily less salary than that time too. My riposte would be that one should never ask a lady her age.

Just because they ask you don't have to tell them. I'm 51 and even doctors said I'd never get here, my Dad didn't. That gives you an added appreciation of every day.
Do what you feel is best for you but don't be offended by their lack of manners in asking.

Oh good I’m the same OP! I’m 49 and my children are only 7,6 and 4 so people assume I’m younger than I am anyway. I don’t look my age and I don’ think I behave my age. I HATE being asked my age and refuse to say and judge fudge around it. I don’t understand why people need to know, I don’t care how old other people are and would never ask someone else their age.

Your crumbling spine will certainly be a clue to your age.

More seriously, just tell people your age. Any of these strange responses or seeming outraged is much more ageing than your actual age.

I just say i’ve chosen to remain at 27 for the rest of my life.

I wouldn’t dream of asking someones age but it seems that it is no longer considered rude to ask personal questions