To not like being asked my age

[Shitsandwiches]

....to the point of feeling like knocking a few years off when people ask.

I'm 46 and all of a sudden feel like a protected characteristic. So much so, that when asked, I feel like going all Hollywood and shaving a few years off as if it's something to be ashamed of. One of my friends is gay and he resented having to 'come out' to a heterosexual world and be judged, labelled & categorised. He just is him and I completely relate.

My reasons are:

I'm not in the career I want yet
People I work with are younger than me and further on than me
I'm a single mum and lost my late 20's & 30's in a miserable marriage and feel like I'm at the start of my life again now
I don't have a group of friends the same age - they're either younger or older.
I don't look 46, whatever that is - I could get away with 40 and I'm naturally young at heart.
I care what people think about me too much
I'm a victim of the patriarchy

I've been asked a couple times recently at work and I just bristle and feel defensive and uncomfortable - and I really don't want to feel like that. Just wondering if this is normal to feel like this.....at my age! or AIBU (with myself) and should just not care, be out and proud as it were.

Interestingly I don't care about other peoples ages at all. Maybe I'm just having a moment.

Thanks

High five! 😀

I am much younger than you (32) but I hate it too. I remember starting a new job and immediately being asked it and I was like why is that any of your business?

'How old are you?' is right up there with 'How much do you earn?' and 'When was the last time you had sex?" in the social rudeness faux-pas stakes.

Yes - this is exactly how I feel at work and I have lots of similarities with your experiences x

I don’t like it either because people are always really surprised and think I’m younger and seem to have an over the top reaction, I find the whole thing very embarrassing.

I happily volunteer my age to strangers I'm chatting to at bus stops or in queues.

Right up there! Along with what did your house sell for and who do you vote for :D

Yeah totally - it's embarrassing and awkward. I don't like the spotlight on me ever, and so things like that are very 'centre of attention' that you didn't ask for.

Gosh I find it depressing that someone so ashamed of their age, as if it’s something we have any control over and makes us of less value? It’s like people who are shy about being a grandma, for goodness sake, how many people never even get that joy and privilege.
No I wouldn’t lie about my age and don’t think people do others any favours by perpetuating this discrimination

I'm always interested in how old people are as I often find it really hard to tell - not that I go round asking them! I'm 47 and I can't wait to be 50 - as you get older you become more and more invisible to the sort of people you don't want to attract/get any attention from and I think that's great! Also people often have this idea that 50 is ancient and it's nice to blow that stereotype out the water.

Tell people you're 46 and tell them how great it is! You didn't have the best time in your 20's and 30's and now your 40's are where it's all starting to come together. I say own it, after what all you've been through it's something to be proud of!

I love this.

I never get asked my age. If I was asked, I'd tell them. Maybe my very stern face warns people off

As a PP said, lying about your age in either direction just perpetuates ageism. But you are under no obligation to answer questions just because they’re asked. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell someone to mind their own business if they asked me.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Older people will think you’re young, people your age will think it’s fine, people much younger will still think you’re ancient if you say you’re 40.

Yes this happens to me and I assume most people? People are polite. It’s a social expectation to pretend you think people are younger than they are.

I remain exactly what I am, and look like - a 45 year old woman. Nobody really thinks I’m 30. I’m amazed people think this is serious and take it to mean they look 20 years younger. Nobody does.

I remain exactly what I am, and look like - a 45 year old woman. Nobody really thinks I’m 30. I’m amazed people think this is serious and take it to mean they look 20 years younger. Nobody does
I know I look my age, it’s the weird reaction I don’t like.

The difficulty of ageing is other people’s perception of ageing. If you work in a young industry then most of your colleagues are in their 20’s and 30’s. If you’re in your 40’s or older it can make you feel old and irrelevant and if you haven’t ‘life goals’ then you can also feel like a sad failure. And that’s hard.

There’s also the colleague chatter of where they think they will be by 40. And pretty much everyone wants to be in a senior role, home owner, quite often married with children and if not then living an amazing life full of incredible holidays.

Oops I meant if you haven’t achieved ‘life goals’

What if they just nod and don't say you look younger?

If someone asks your age, then simply ask them why they need to know!

I'm almost 63 and am occasionally asked at work. I bask in their surprised look and add a swift "you're only as old as the man you feel".

I had a very bad experience in hospital a couple of years ago when a very young F2 said, "I'll assume you're retired as you are over 60" and launched into a patronising frailty review, speaking very slowly as though I were totally decrepit.

I can sympathise about age inequality but found it interesting that it arose in an institution that employs a plethora of EDI directors and invests heavily in race and LBGTQI agendas at the expense of women and the significant proportion of the population over 60.

I used to do also ADD a couple of years and people would compliment me ..... then they stopped

I thinks it’s not until the latter half of your 40s that you realise how damaging and insidious ageism is. When it actually starts to happen to you!

Its really engrained - you only have to look on this thread at the member of people taking for granted that it is great to be assumed to be younger than your real age.

I get asked this a lot and hate it.
Almost 38, single, no kids, not in a great paying job.
People always assume I am late teens or early twenties not only because of how young I look but also, i suspect , because I am not at the same place that others of my age are in life.

This with bells on