To not like being asked my age

[Shitsandwiches]

....to the point of feeling like knocking a few years off when people ask.

I'm 46 and all of a sudden feel like a protected characteristic. So much so, that when asked, I feel like going all Hollywood and shaving a few years off as if it's something to be ashamed of. One of my friends is gay and he resented having to 'come out' to a heterosexual world and be judged, labelled & categorised. He just is him and I completely relate.

My reasons are:

I'm not in the career I want yet
People I work with are younger than me and further on than me
I'm a single mum and lost my late 20's & 30's in a miserable marriage and feel like I'm at the start of my life again now
I don't have a group of friends the same age - they're either younger or older.
I don't look 46, whatever that is - I could get away with 40 and I'm naturally young at heart.
I care what people think about me too much
I'm a victim of the patriarchy

I've been asked a couple times recently at work and I just bristle and feel defensive and uncomfortable - and I really don't want to feel like that. Just wondering if this is normal to feel like this.....at my age! or AIBU (with myself) and should just not care, be out and proud as it were.

Interestingly I don't care about other peoples ages at all. Maybe I'm just having a moment.

Thanks

I am so doing this from now on!! Although I am loving getting older as I find I care less what people think, am only saying yes to things I fancy doing and am increasingly comfortable with how I look (and have accepted the things about my appearance I can’t change).

I always say as old as my tongue and older than my teeth.
Or
As old as you want me to be.
Or
Put it this way, I'll not see the right side of fifty again.
Then I tell them my actual age, because I don't mind people knowing it.

Kitcaterpillar · Today 11:10

Like you have some kind of neuromuscular disorder?

feel free to substitute a raised eyebrow 🤨

Certainly not to older women at least as they often aren't really worthy of consideration apparently

Mum had to give her date of birth to at a council office and said 'Seventh of June 1954'. The girl said '54 or 64'? Mum said 'I was either a young-looking 45 or a raddled 35 year old'.

It’s not happened yet! (I’m very crafty & make sure I add on a good few years. It’s a skill 😂).

Baffled at all these conversations going on where people ask other people’s ages a lot. I can’t think when this has ever happened to me apart from at a medical appointment or something.

I don't care if people ask. And I'll tell them.

Adding years on, knocking them off, telling people it's ride to ask a lady her age are all playing into the exact thing the OP is talking about.

If someone wants to judge me on the basis of the year I was born in and the fact I'm not dead yet, let them 🤷🏻‍♀️

But sometimes letting them judge you means you dont get the job/promotion etc.

I jokingly did that in Lidls when purchasing some face cream. A customer asked me if it worked. I joked "Yes, I'm 75"....clearly l'm not, but the young 'girl' (25?) actually believed me. I wasn't sure how to feel. I'm 50

I don’t understand all these coy or arch phrases if you’re asked your age. Why not just say your age? And for those saying it might prejudice your chances of a job-surely you wouldn’t lie about your age on a job application? For shortlisting, it’s normal not to disclose the age anyway. And if you were offered the job, what happens when you present your ID and it clearly shows you’ve lied?

It is! I don’t know who all these people are who are asking.

Nobody will believe this but my hairdresser asked how old I was and I said 26 as didn't want the embarrassment of her knowing my real age. Glad I did as she replied with 'I would never have put you at 26, I thought 20 or 21.'
I am actually almost 38.

I remember Joan Collins saying she always added 10 years to her age so people would respond with how wonderful she looked.

Growing old is a privilege denied to many. I’m more than happy to embrace my years.

Ah, these silver-tongued hairdressers!

Because of the deep and engrained negative attitudes society has towards older women.

Plenty of threads here on Mumsnet if you don't believe me. Ageism is rife.

I think it's better to say early on. Nothing worse than horrified reactions when people find out how ancient you are.

I had a friend who was really cagey about her age and mixed with a group of mainly younger people. Mostly early 20s and she was 30. There were others in the group aged 30s and 40s so not like she was the only older person. She also looked quite young for her age. It resulted in quite a bit of speculation. A few years later her age became known and there was general shock at how old she was which would never had happened if she'd just been open in the first place.

I really don't see the point of hiding your age. It is not just a number, it's a huge part of who you are at that point in time.

Oh dear @JudgeRudy…. that clearly backfired! 😳 Next time, say you’re 95? 😂

My Nan, when asked by a young and impertinent me (and it is a bit rude to ask) would say, "I'm as old as my nose, and a little bit older than my teeth". Would that work for you?!

But realistically you can only lie about your age about 5 years either way (and even then it may be a stretch). Is the difference between 40 and 45 such a big deal? A 45 year old won't pass for 35.

This has really made me laugh and given me lots of food for thought, thank you everyone.

I just feel like it hit me all of a sudden, I didn't bat an eyelid about turning 40 or any other age, just these recent conversations I've been in, being asked, feeling judged but also being aware I have baggage + own mortality etc.

As a PP said, it's not until you start reaching later 40s that you realise ageism now applies to you. It's the ageism I don't like rather than the age.

If someone older asks me then I would just tell them. If a younger person asks then I just tell them that it's rude to ask

I believe it.

My partner and I went out with my son for his 24th birthday. Two women assumed I was his 30 year old girlfriend.

I was 2 months off my 48th birthday at the time.

My partner was more concerned about who they thought he was 🤣🤣

When I met his mum and adult children (20s), they expressed concern that I was a bit young for him because they thought I was in my 30s.

I don't think I look particularly young. I probably dress quite 'youthfully', which I think people go on.

There are so many women on here who post about people thinking they're younger than they are. I can believe it. I think it's more that we are really bad at judging people's ages!

Where I used to work we used to bring in cake to share on our birthdays and people started to say their age when sending round an email to say there was cake in the kitchen... I sent one saying "Having reached the age of one hundred and thirty eight / there is cake in the kitchen to celebrate". I still got people asking my real age and sadly no one said I looked good for 138