Hi everyone, long story here. DD is 9 years old and autistic, and so is her best-friend. I've always had a cordial relationship with the mum of the best-friend, though I have found that she can be pushy and persistent when she wants information off me. Anyway, just recently I found that this woman's texting became excessive because she felt that her dd was being bullied by another friend of both of our kids, lets call her child X. This woman kept insisting that my dd playing with child X meant that her child was feeling excluded. And any time she felt left out, she would go home and complain to mum, and this woman would be onto texting me about it. Just for a bit more background, both this woman's daughter and my daughter have had a difficult on again off again friendship with child X. In the past she has been aggressive and has lashed out and hit both of our kids. This woman and I both shared our concerns about our kids friendship with this other child, and how it would be best if our kids didn't play with this other child due to a few incidents of hitting, punching and pushing. The class teacher was involved and confirmed that child x did hit our kids. Fast forward a few months, the school have organised alternative play for this other child so that she doesn't come out onto the yard during some break times. Initially this woman and I shared our concerns about how child X was having a negative effect on our kids, due to her volatile nature at times (the hitting). Initially I did agree with this woman that I didn't want my dd being friends with child X. But I found that in spite of telling my dd not to play with child X, she maintained the friendship, and things actually improved. My dd did not want to admit to me that she'd carried on being friends with child X. I was however getting regular updates from this woman that my dd and child X were good friends and child X was constantly preventing the friendship between her daughter and mine. This woman had a real dislike for child X and was always adamant that her daughter was not to go around this child. Over the last 2 months, she started texting me nearly every other day with complaints about child X separating and getting in the way of her dd's friendship with my dd. She would say stuff like "My dd wanted to play with yours today, but child X took her away. Poor girls for being separated like that" Or "just to let you know my dd has told me that your dd is still playing with child X, today they were partners in Science. I don't know how much you want your dd around child X, but for me and my dd, if we don't like someone that's it, we don't go around them. Its not talking to them one day, and then ignoring them the next." Or "child X is using really sly tactics to keep our kids away from each other. My dd told me when someone asked your dd who is their best friend, child X whispered in your dd's ear pick me, and she picked her. Its this sort of shit that my dd doesn't need from child X." I don't why I put up with these texts for so long, but they were really starting to irritate the life out of me. They were just petty and silly childish things. I told this woman this was normal for kids at their age, but she kept insisting that there was an element of bullying present. This woman was also calling child X "a little shit" and was very insistent that her dd was being left out and excluded because child X was stopping the friendship between my dd and her's. I asked this woman what she wanted me to do about this, and she just kept on and on about how her dd was suffering due to exclusion and bullying from child X. As always there are 2 sides to a story, and when I probed my dd further about this, I was told that not only was child X friendly with my dd, but this woman's dd and child X were also friendly and were playing with each other. When I told this woman, she just denied it all and kept saying "no that's not what I've been told. My dd hates child X and stays away from her, it makes no sense for my dd to go back for more. " In the end I told this woman that I didn't want to get involved in the kids friendship and was going to let my dd make her own decisions about who to be friends with. This woman did not back off, and carried on with the messaging. I got another message saying "I know you said you don't want to get involved, but I'm just letting you know that child X is taking advantage of your dd. And if you say your dd is being diplomatic, child x is using that against her. " These persistent messages were really starting to stress me out, and I was trying my best to keep things polite. I was getting 3 or 4 whatsapp messages in a row, and if I didn't respond, she would send another 2 or 3 more the next day. This woman could see that we were not on the same page, and my approach was different to her's. Her approach is very over involved to the point that she was trying to control her daughter's friendships. As she said herself "if my dd needs me to sort anything on her behalf, I will. She still needs my guidance." She was also saying stuff like "child X is going to stop giving my dd any shit, I'll make sure of it!" When I reiterated to this woman again that I don't want to get involved, she made it out like she was actually trying to help me by warning me about what child X is like. She also said I should be grateful that her dd tells her these things, saying "I doubt you'd know any of this if my dd wasn't telling me. As you told me before, your dd doesn't talk to you much at home." This comment really irritated me, because my dd used to have a speech delay and is still on the quiet side and doesn't talk much at home. But she can speak enough to tell me when something is bothering her. This woman proceeded to tell me that in the beginning I was supportive but now I am the complete opposite because I wasn't stopping my dd from playing with child X. I was also becoming uncomfortable with the few times the woman had referred to child x as "a little shit", I don't why I didn't call her out on this. Anyway after weeks of these persistent texts which were based on her child's version of the story, I told this woman for the third time that I didn't want to get involved and that if she had any concerns, it's best she spoke to the school. I also told her I didn't want her giving me anymore updates about what my dd has been doing at school, and would rather hear this from my dd or the teacher. This woman then said she was done and not going into this anymore, then suddenly decided to cancel a playdate that she herself had initiated and we had planned weeks before for both of our daughters, her reason being that she wasn't feeling well. It almost felt like the playdate was cancelled because she didn't like me standing up for myself. This was just last weekend. Fast forward to yesterday, I spoke to one of the teachers at school drop off who had a very different version of the story to what this woman had been telling me. As it turns out, her dd, mine and child X are all pretty good friends and play together all the time. This whole time for a few months, this woman had been insisting to me that her child had nothing to do with child X, and it was my child and child X who were excluding her's. I couldn't resist the urge to message this woman and tell her the truth of what I'd found out, after all the stress her pushy and persistent texts had caused me, including a few snarky comments about my dd. I told her that she had been insisting this whole time that my daughter's friendship with child X was excluding her dd. I told her that her dd isn't staying away from child X, in fact all 3 of them are quite good friends. I then added "in future it would be a good idea to speak to the school first and get both sides of the story, instead of going to another parent and criticising their child just based on one side of the story." I was so irritated by some of her snarky comments based on what her daughter had been telling her, which wasn't the same as what my daughter had told me, or even what school told me, and I wanted to stand up for myself. Anyway this woman did not acknowledge that she'd upset me, and instead replied with "why are you telling me this? How massively random of you. I haven't got a problem with the kids friendships and that's why I have no need to go to the school for anything. And if I did have concerns, I would go to the school, unless you've slagged me off to the school? If the school have a problem with me, they can tell me, you don't tell me, I am very confused about why you've told me this. I've been telling you for ages that if I do have any concerns, I'd go to the school." She then blocked me.
If you have been patient enough to read my story to the end, I really appreciate it. I feel like my head has been messed with big time, is this gaslighting, changing and twisting facts, mind games? She completely denied that she was the one that had initiated all this moany text messages complaining about the kids friendship issues, and when I told her the other side of the story this is how she twists the whole thing to make it my problem. I feel like my brain has just been spun through the washing machine.