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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy a card but no present for MIL for mother's day?

37 replies

deaconblue · 21/02/2008 13:26

I have always bought nice gifts for my mum and MIL for mother's day but MIL never says thank you, the gifts I've got in the past have never been mentioned and Dh never used to get her anything before we met. This year he thinks I shouldn't bother and we should just send a card. I just feel a bit guilty choosing lovely stuff for my mum and deliberately not getting MIL anything.

OP posts:
idlingabout · 21/02/2008 13:34

She is not your mother therefore you are under no obligation to get her anything. It is up to your dh to get her something and if he doesn't then the problem is between him and her. Do not feel guilty.

RubySlippers · 21/02/2008 13:35

a card is fine

that is what both my MILS will be getting

mumdebump · 21/02/2008 13:37

Don't feel guilty. Don't buy her anything if she is that ungrateful. She's your DH's mother and if he doesn't want to get her anything, why should you.

nailpolish · 21/02/2008 13:39

why does it matter ot you? shes not your mother. its up to dh.

Original poster
deaconblue · 21/02/2008 13:39

have chosen a nice card as if it were up to dh I don't think she'd even get a card. She's probably spent the last 5 years wondering why she's been getting pretty little girly gifts tbh

OP posts:
nailpolish · 21/02/2008 13:40

i dont understand why you should buy her a card. shes not your mother. tell dh to do it, and if he doenst then thats up to him.

Original poster
deaconblue · 21/02/2008 13:43

you are right nailpolish. I guess I feel guilty that we see my family much more than his and neither her son nor daughter make any fuss over her like me and my sister do with our mum. but it's their relationship and she's never grateful anyway so I suppose I should butt out and let him get on with it.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 21/02/2008 13:46

yes!

i remember dh started asking me to buy birthdya and xams prsents for his family - one xmas i bought his dad a cheapo mingin shirt - dh now does his own fmilys shopping. ihave enough to do!

YvonneS · 21/02/2008 14:27

i agree whole heartedly with nailpolish.
when i moved in with now dh, mil started telling me when family bdays were etc. as if now my responsibility soon put her straight - i do mine he does his

thefortbuilder · 21/02/2008 14:42

i do all the birthdays christmases etc for both mine and dh's family - he's so disorganised he'd forget them all (in fact one year i think he and bil forgot their dad's birthday).

my PILs live in NZ so MIl gets a lovely delivered bunch of flowers but we always leave it too late to send car, but she is always in raptures over the flowers.

nailpolish · 21/02/2008 14:48

i bet he wouldnt forget them if he KNEW you werent going to do it.

RosaIsRed · 21/02/2008 15:55

My mum blames my SIL if my brother forgets to get her a present. It is the wife's job apparently . I told her quite firmly that I do not take responsibility for cards and presents for DH's family and she pursed her lips.

BeauLocks · 21/02/2008 15:57

They'd remember if they had to! If they can't be arsed to remember their own family's birthdays etc then I don't see why you should. And I would never ever send my mil a mothers day card, even if she was nice.

jumpingbeans · 21/02/2008 16:00

If my ds could not be bothered to get me anything for mothers day, it's him I would be pissed at not my dil.

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 16:00

My MIL is going to be in Tenerife for mother's day. She will get a card when she comes home & we will call her for the kids to speak to her. Dh will probably say "What will I say to her?" Um... how about happy mother's day mam....

dippydeedoo · 21/02/2008 16:11

i dont think a small bunch of pretty daffs would hurt shes the mother of your husband and its not that she doesnt say thanks -you will know you did the right thing.

nailpolish · 21/02/2008 16:17

diippy - but surely its the sons job to buy the mother the friggin daffs????????????

its HIS mother after all

CaptainUnderpants · 21/02/2008 16:25

I usually end up buying the cards for bothe Mums on Mothers Day but I would never arrange flowers etc for MIL that is down to DH.

This year I feel is going to be slighly differnt , I lost my Mum last summer and I dont really want to be trawling around looking for a Mothers Day card for someone elses Mother , even though MIL is very nice ( she has her moments though ! ).

Dont feel guilty about not getting a present for your MIL , not your problem stcik with getting something nice for YOUR Mum.

I'm afraid my DH this year will have to get off his arse and find own card !

dippydeedoo · 21/02/2008 17:33

nailpolish ....maybe im too easygoing...either way buying mothers day cards for either of our mums is sadly no longer neccesary
i always bought for his mum because she was HIS mum.....iykwim?...having said that it didnt make her like me lol

MadamePlatypus · 21/02/2008 17:50

Some people don't 'do' mother's day.

My parents (perhaps because they have Spring birthdays) don't want Mother's or Father's day presents. I have given them presents in the past but they honestly think its commercialised and don't want anything.

DH (who also has a Spring birthday) doesn't do Father's day either.

My opinion is that Valentine's day and Mother's day really help to brighten up that post Christmas/not yet Spring period, and I welcome any excuse for breakfast in bed.

However, there is no need for you to give a present or a card to your MIL - she did not bring you up.

Original poster
deaconblue · 22/02/2008 11:56

good, we have concensus then, I shall get him to write the card I've bought, post it (he does work away so I don't mind doing things like that to help) and feel blissfully happy with the lolvey stash of goodies I've bought for my mum.

OP posts:
GryffinGirl · 22/02/2008 12:04

on the first mother's day I was with DH he forgot to buy MIL a card. She blamed me for "forgetting" because as we were now married, so she informed me "we're family and cards should be your job" WTF!? I didn't forget, but DH buys his own cards and presents and usually remembers himself.

nappyaddict · 22/02/2008 12:10

Slightly off topic here but do any of you buy presents or cards for your mum/mil off your children for mother's day?

idlingabout · 22/02/2008 13:33

Absolutely not. I get irritated that my sister has started doing this sort of thing but then that's up to her I suppose. It is called 'Mothers' Day' not Grandmothers' Day. The mothers should be bought for/celebrated by their own offspring and no-one else. (Obviously I could see an exception for this if people are brought up by their grandparents or in foster care)

figleaf · 22/02/2008 13:37

I send cards to my Mum and MIL. I dont really mind as I feel I adopted them when I married DH. I somtimes do gifts, somtimes not. I think couples will do Mothers day in different ways.