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Original poster

To be despairing over 10 year old's screen addiction!!

89 replies

Petitopetito · 09/06/2023 21:06

I am writing this out of absolute despair. My just turned 10 year old is addicted to roblox/youtube/everything. It's really crept up on us more and more but got to the point where he can't even leave the phone to go to the bathroom or to eat. He is so rude and badly behaved if I say we need to turn it off to go somewhere.

I am so ashamed that it's got to this. We have a lovely, comfortable life. DS goes to many after school activities and does fine at school but outside of this he has no interest in doing anything.

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.

Please help.

OP posts:
Jellycats4life · 09/06/2023 21:09

You’re not alone. Wish I had solutions!

redfacebigdisgrace · 09/06/2023 21:10

I would go cold turkey. It will be painful but you need to grit your teeth. Then once he’s used to it you could allow shorter amounts. Set up a screen time app. Do it now as a reset before he actually needs a phone in a few years.

Mull · 09/06/2023 21:10

Does he have his phone in his bedroom or is it in communal areas? I would try to not have it in his room, and certainly it stays downstairs overnight. DS’s first phone was quite old and had to be charged every night so we just always had it downstairs naturally, so no big deal. HTH

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/06/2023 21:11

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Original poster
Petitopetito · 09/06/2023 21:11

@Jellycats4life such a relief I'm not alone. I really need to get it under control before he hits the teen years.

OP posts:
Fuckitydoodah · 09/06/2023 21:14

Ditch the phone. A 10 year old does not need a phone. He can use a tablet/ipad instead, and put some time limits on it so it automatically switches off.

I have a 10 year old who would happily spend all day in front of a screen too, so I do sympathise. DS knows he has to ask to go on it and I am the only one who knows the pass code, so he can't go on it whenever he wants. You need to put some boundaries and controls in place.

LilyBayswater · 09/06/2023 21:14

We were in a similar position. I still allow telly but we hid the laptop.
I hit rock bottom in half term when I realised that they hadn't opened the curtains to a sunny day,

MMorales · 09/06/2023 21:16

What year is he in?
I think kids dont need a phone til they're in high school

GoalShooter · 09/06/2023 21:16

How about: no phone at mealtimes. No phone in bedrooms overnight or for an hour before bedtime. Maybe that would be a good place to start?

DanceMonster · 09/06/2023 21:17

Why does he have a phone?

Whinge · 09/06/2023 21:17

I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama

This just isn't possible. Reducing the amount of screen time is going to result in a massive drama as he won't want to give it up or reduce what he's become used to having. You can't fix this without tantrums or causing some arguments, as he's going to try and stamp his feet, and get what he wants.

My advice is get rid of the phone, and when you consider reintroducing it then do so with new rules in place, such as limited screen time / no phone in his bedroom and make sure there are consequences if he doesn't follow the new rules.

Undisclosedlocation · 09/06/2023 21:18

With respect, you’ve described it as an addiction. You are right to do so.

if this was an addiction to drugs or alcohol would you still just want to cut back a bit with no drama. No, obviously.
this is no different, he needs cold turkey

maybein2022 · 09/06/2023 21:19

My ten year old loves his phone and screen time, gaming etc, we don’t have too many rules but we do have some that I enforce!

First one is no one is allowed phones at mealtimes- no exceptions. Start with this one. He absolutely has to come and sit at the table, phone away until everyone has finished.

Second one is his phone doesn’t come with us on trips out- he is too young! He doesn’t need it, it stays at home!

He does plenty of after school activities so that he doesn’t actually have that long on school days with time to play/watch stuff.

Swifey40 · 09/06/2023 21:20

I have two ds, 11 and 8 and they have a tablet each, BUT they live in my bedroom and they get an hour a day once they log on and it automatically turns itself off after an hour. They usually have a little bit in the morning, but have to read until 7am, so there's no getting up early for it, and then a bit after school.
Be a parent, and parent, you are not his friend, it's your job to be the bad guy sometimes in order to actually be the good guy!
Make sure there are lots of other options; books, paints, airfix modelling, lego, making stuff out of cardboard, going to the park etc

Original poster
Petitopetito · 09/06/2023 21:20

Just to clarify - he has a phone but it's essentially like a smaller tablet - it has no sim card, no phone plan, etc.

OP posts:
TookTheBook · 09/06/2023 21:21

Whose phone is it?

No one I know here has a phone in primary school 😬 a ten year old is only year 5 or 6 in England.

I can't imagine giving a child free reign to a device at that age, sorry.

Adults find them addictive enough. Just take it away until he's older. At the least impose a strict limitation that it is weekends only and a time limit.

Dacadactyl · 09/06/2023 21:21

I would also really limit it. Talk to him and say "this is no good for your developing mind and unfortunately we have been to lax in letting you have all this freedom with technology. Because we love you, we are going to start implementing some rules and from tomorrow, x, y and z will apply."

If he kicks off then give him a warning saying "i understand youre upset and this is partly our fault for letting it get to this stage, BUT if you continue arguing, you will be outright banned from all electronics for a whole day. We are trying to compromise with you, but we don't have to, so bear that in mind."

Whatever you say to him, you MUST follow through with.

Good luck.

Knockmealdowns · 09/06/2023 21:25

I set timers for my kids.. when they pick it up I say “ for how long? Set your timer now please” and we all have 20 mins screen time and then we all put it away.. I let them watch TV though, and they have much more free time on this… but I figure some adult somewhere has looked at content, age ratings etc on cbbc iplayer

RequiresUpdating · 09/06/2023 21:27

We were the same. I left them watching YouTube and told them for every five minutes it was running after I told them to turn it off, there was a week's ban. They got to 17 weeks.... It was peaceful and their behaviour improved. They are also much better about turning it off when asked 😆

After constant arguments and nastiness to each other, repeated warnings, I removed Minecraft in March. Honestly, it took a week of whining but they were like different children. They begged for it at half term (DD now 11) so I let them have an hour a day. The squabbles, the refusal to do anything after their time was up was shocking. The first morning back DD said "oh, I've got homework"...so it's gone again until the summer.

phones are locked into downtime at 7pm - 7 am. They have no games except a maths game on their phones. Allowed contacts at all times me and DH and BIL.
No phones in bedroom after we've eaten. If they want music, they can play it over their speakers.
Of DD doesn't come to the table when asked (within reason, I'll give her a few minutes grace to finish something) she loses the phone for a day.

CalistoNoSolo · 09/06/2023 21:32

He's 10. If you can't enforce rules at this age you're going to be really screwed when he's at secondary. His screen addiction is entirely on you, and your wishy washy approach to weaning him off it is the reason he feels he can have a meltdown if you try and limit his screen time. You need to get a handle on this now while you still can.

Topsy44 · 09/06/2023 21:35

I am watching with interest as I feel my 11 year old has too much screen time. Not an easy thing to admit as a parent!

MangshorJhol · 09/06/2023 21:37

My almost 12 year old has a phone as he walks to school on his own. Strict timers on it. Stays with me at night. It is just for him to let me know he’s reached school and then left school. In school they have to hand their phones in. If he wants to watch something then that’s always on MY computer in a communal space. If he’s addicted to the point where personal hygiene is suffering then I am afraid you do have to go cold turkey.

Most adults are pretty addicted to their smartphones (I am on it mindlessly a lot) so why do we think that kids will be able to control their own impulses vis-a-vis phones?

The way I think about it is this. We get one childhood- as adults like DH and I they will probably spend a considerable amount of their lives in front of screens for work or leisure. So while it’s possible I want their childhood not to be same.

MushroomQueen · 09/06/2023 21:38

My 9 year old is similar- but he doesn't have a phone - has only the computer in the living room so i see and know everything he does and watches mainly roblox, youtubers playing roblox. I force him out and he has specific times he can have if he agrees certain behaviour and goes nicely wherever we are going.

Tofuislovely · 09/06/2023 21:45

If it makes you feel any better, DS, now 22, had similar issues...I felt bad, it was tough, nothing really changed... He's just finished his degree at a red brick uni ( and expects to do well based on results), has been living with his gf for the past nine months and has lots of friends. Please don't worry too much.

Mirabai · 09/06/2023 21:54

With any addiction it doesn’t work to cut down slowly. You have to go cold turkey and you can’t avoid drama. Unless you’re someone who is trauma or confrontation avoidant just address that as part of the process.

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