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Original poster

To be despairing over 10 year old's screen addiction!!

89 replies

Petitopetito · 09/06/2023 21:06

I am writing this out of absolute despair. My just turned 10 year old is addicted to roblox/youtube/everything. It's really crept up on us more and more but got to the point where he can't even leave the phone to go to the bathroom or to eat. He is so rude and badly behaved if I say we need to turn it off to go somewhere.

I am so ashamed that it's got to this. We have a lovely, comfortable life. DS goes to many after school activities and does fine at school but outside of this he has no interest in doing anything.

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.

Please help.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/06/2023 00:01

We don't have time limits but we do have some rules:-

  1. No devices after bedtime - read in bed, draw, write, whatever. But devices stay downstairs
  2. No whingeing or you lose it. When I say "off now it's mealtime / off now let's play a board game / off now we are headed out" it goes off an away immediately or you lose it for 3 days
  3. No devices at mealtimes, apart from if we as a family watch something with (say) a pizza or whatever
  4. No devices on school mornings until you are washed, teeth, hair, uniform and shoes done.

If they whine, it's gone. So they don't whine. Thankfully.

wildfirewonder · 10/06/2023 00:04

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.

Dream on.

Sheselectric77 · 10/06/2023 00:08

@@NeverendingCircus i get that but the pandemic was 2 years ago. Lots of people worked with dc at home it was hard work but even then I struggle to see how it’s become so bad. I worked both at home and out in the community during the pandemic and I spent time in lots of families homes. I didn’t witness dc on screens all day everyday even then. Maybe I’m just not seeing it but I meet lots of families day in day out and I work with dc, I don’t think its that’s normal for this age group. I see lots of screen use but not to the extent it’s portrayed on here.

WouldYouLikeACrabPuff · 10/06/2023 00:31

I empathise with you. My son knows there are certain things he has to do, no questions asked, i.e homework, bath, dinner with us etc. He still moans and whinges, but, tough tits really 😂

I don't want to be arguing or nagging you for mundane things that everyone has to do. He's ten aswell. The first time he refused to wake up for school because he was tired from being on his Xbox, the Xbox went. And it was harder for us than him (he has asd and loves watching drawing videos on YouTube, and doesn't sleep well anyway).

That's the only time we've had to come down hard, it was awful at the time, but he's never done it again. He doesn't have a phone yet, I'll get him one for high school, and he doesn't have a tablet either. We always said no consoles aswell, because my sil told us her 15 yo at the time was never off it and she never saw him.

My sons best friend got a new Xbox for his birthday and my son has played at his house on it before. He's so sweet, he knew my son didn't have one, so him and his mum walked over and have him the old console with a tv! I couldn't bloody say that I never wanted him to have one as it's so kind and my son was there!

good luck x

pinkginfizz9 · 10/06/2023 00:54

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.
You clearly do not understand addiction.Reducing his hit won't mJe him less addicted, it will just increase the time he spends whining

justprance · 10/06/2023 00:58

Sheselectric77 · 09/06/2023 23:44

Op just say no. He needs to ask when he is allowed to go on it and you state clearly that he has x amount of time. Take it away when time is up and ignore him kicking off. He will eventually get used to it.

My eldest is the same age. She has to ask if she can use our laptop. She then knows she gets a short amount of time then will either come off after a quick game or will come off when asked without issue. It’s never been a big thing and both dc mainly do other things and screens are an occasion thing. They have never been a daily activity and dc don’t really seem to think about it a lot. I’m not a perfect parent by any stretch but I’m shocked at how many people are struggling with this issue. It’s hard to imagine how people got to this point in the first place, why were everyone allowed free reign of screens to the point they become aggressive or argumentative when told no.

Only a handful of eldests class mates have phones and I certainly don’t know anyone younger with one. Why are we as a society allowing this to happen to our dc. 10 years olds addicted to screens ! It’s so sad.

This. Take the screens away. You have to step up and stick to it. There will be a lot of resistance, for several weeks, but you have to stand firm.

My kids get 30 mins each on a Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. It is not carried over. We don't have tv on during the week. We often watch a film on Saturday night.

You are the adult. Take charge of the situation. Plan days out. Walks. Trips to the library. Go fishing. ANYTHING. Let him be bored. He will complain, but he can find something to do. If not, you find him something to do.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 10/06/2023 02:24

Exactly the same here. Miraculously managed to get her off Roblox but she's just replaced it with YouTube. Although her behaviour has improved since coming off Roblox

AlfietheSchnauzer · 10/06/2023 02:26

@sparepantsandtoothbrush try being one

Absolutely no need for that last sentence. Kicking op when she's down already

user1473878824 · 10/06/2023 02:56

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama

Why not? That clearly isn’t working for you. Have a week of tantrum and then it isn’t an issue. Why are you so desperate for him to still get a little bit of his addiction? It’s going to be a massive drama because you’ve let it be a massive drama.

We didn’t restrict phone use enough and it resulted in big strops when we tried to. Now that isn’t and issue because there’s phone time and then there isn’t. You’ve made a rod for your own back and you need to snap it not bend it slowly.

Opaque11 · 10/06/2023 06:54

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/06/2023 00:01

We don't have time limits but we do have some rules:-

  1. No devices after bedtime - read in bed, draw, write, whatever. But devices stay downstairs
  2. No whingeing or you lose it. When I say "off now it's mealtime / off now let's play a board game / off now we are headed out" it goes off an away immediately or you lose it for 3 days
  3. No devices at mealtimes, apart from if we as a family watch something with (say) a pizza or whatever
  4. No devices on school mornings until you are washed, teeth, hair, uniform and shoes done.

If they whine, it's gone. So they don't whine. Thankfully.

Omg we use the EXACT same rules/style . I can't believe it lol. Exact same.one moan /whinge and it's gone for a few days. Dc know well enough now to never moan.

mauveiscurious · 10/06/2023 12:22

Ours did summer holiday camps to get them outside and away from screens

JupiterFortified · 10/06/2023 12:26

CalistoNoSolo · 09/06/2023 21:32

He's 10. If you can't enforce rules at this age you're going to be really screwed when he's at secondary. His screen addiction is entirely on you, and your wishy washy approach to weaning him off it is the reason he feels he can have a meltdown if you try and limit his screen time. You need to get a handle on this now while you still can.

Hit the nail on the head. Parent your child and take the tablet away. It’s literally as simple as that. He’s 10.

NoTouch · 10/06/2023 13:40

I find time limits work. So weekend/holidays they can have them from when they get up to 930/10am, one hour after lunch and then from 5.20pm - 6.15pm ish and then 6.55pm - 8.45pm.

I assume 6:15 - 6:55 is your 40 mins to engage with child 🤣

I am so thankful screens were not around when ds was that age and we actually talked and did things together throughout the whole day - even in the mornings before 10am, or he would be out playing and engaging with friends! No wonder kids are barely able to communicate and are anxious nowadays if the norm is to be on screens 6 hours a day.

YappyCamper · 10/06/2023 13:59

caringcarer · 09/06/2023 22:00

You probably don't want to hear it but it's your fault. Why was he ever given more than an hour a day on school days or 2 hours a day at weekends? If you just let him go on it whenever he wants it is pretty obvious he is likely to get addicted. In your post you say you don't want to stop him on it. To break the addiction you'll need to remove it altogether until school holidays begin and then limit to 2 hours a day. Try signing him up for Sports clubs, Art or music so he has other interests and makes other friends.

Harsh but all true.

This is in your control OP. It's worth the cold turkey phase.

Snowpaw · 10/06/2023 14:09

I'd put as much effort as I could into finding something else that grabs his attention - something he can really get stuck into. A Lego project or something where he is using his hands. Clay modelling, painting models, craft packs etc. Some kind of new book series and a "den" with fairy lights he can read them in, or whatever you think he might like. Even a pet he can take responsibility for helping to care for. Learning to cook etc.

It takes effort by everyone in the family to choose to do meaningful activity rather than defaulting to screens. Screens are the passive, line of least resistance, easy activity. Real life takes conscious effort from you all.

DanceMonster · 10/06/2023 15:03

6 hours a day is far too much for a 10 year old to be staring at a screen.

NewmummyJ · 10/06/2023 15:11

Cold turkey. He's only 10, it will only get considerably worse in adolescence, when you will have less control. Screens are highly addictive and as a parent you have responsibility to remove them before this gets a lot worse. It will be hell but in the long run you are doing yourself, your family and your son a massive favour. Short term pain for long term gain.

troppibambini6 · 10/06/2023 15:42

We banned all screens apart from the tv (no YouTube allowed in it) in the week.
They know now not to even ask. They are allowed on at the weekend but that's it and then for a set amount of time.

NumberTheory · 10/06/2023 15:55

What are you hoping to achieve, OP?

if you want him doing other things than YouTube/video games, then you need to start organizing other things for him to do. Spend time playing board games with him, take him out to watch football, get him helping you fixing the car, or something.

if you’re happy with the activities he does but just want him to stop bloody moaning when you ask him to put it down, then the ideas around removing it if he moans will be more effective.

ginsparkles · 10/06/2023 15:56

We have had similar issues with DD (11) so we have a few rules in place.

She can't go on it in the morning unless she's dressed, bag packed and ready to leave for school.

It is not allowed at meal times. That's family time, time to talk.

Day trips with the family, it's allowed in the car and for photos but that's it.

She has 3 nights a week and at least one day at the weekend doing an activity outside the house, so that gives us a natural break from the phone.

Once homework kicks in, she will have to complete homework before the phone can be used for anything more than messaging me, or checking the school app.

Phone stays downstairs at bedtime.

rightioly · 10/06/2023 15:58

Tell him if he wants to get anywhere in life he needs to live it off screen.

deathbyhayfever · 10/06/2023 16:06

He is so rude and badly behaved

just remove the phone/tablet.

When he starts behaving appropriately, allow 1 or 2 hours at the weekend and be strict about it. He's 10. You really are the one in charge. Summer holiday is coming soon, you will have a nightmare if you don't do something now when he's still busy with school etc.

loftconversi0n · 10/06/2023 16:26

We have no screens from Monday - Friday. Seems to work well. Ours also was getting addicted but doesn't have a phone

Singleandproud · 10/06/2023 16:36

Summer is the perfect time to have a screen detox for the whole family.

Have some fun family projects planned the first few days will be tricky for everyone but after that you'll find other things to do. If you have the space in your garden dig a pond, this will take a while, then fill it, this is great on a hot day as someone needs to get in and make sure the liners flat, plant up around the edges and pretty much as soon as the water is in wildlife will start arrive.
DS could be taught to safely use tools and make bird boxes etc.

schooloflostsocks · 10/06/2023 17:12

Screens are incredibly addictive. It’s not your fault it has ended up like this as they don’t come with health warnings but you do need to put limits at this stage. My DC are similar age and we do no screens in the week, some at the weekend but both Saturday and Sunday they have at least 6 hours of music, dance lessons sports training etc so fair enough for them to chill out after those. Phones will be for secondary and will have camera and photo messaging disabled, no apps no browser, App Store locked down. I’ve already set this up for DC1 and it’s useful for things like calling me for a lift but rarely used otherwise. They find other things to do. It needs to be very clear and consistent rules though otherwise you will get ongoing whinging.