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Original poster

To be despairing over 10 year old's screen addiction!!

89 replies

Petitopetito · 09/06/2023 21:06

I am writing this out of absolute despair. My just turned 10 year old is addicted to roblox/youtube/everything. It's really crept up on us more and more but got to the point where he can't even leave the phone to go to the bathroom or to eat. He is so rude and badly behaved if I say we need to turn it off to go somewhere.

I am so ashamed that it's got to this. We have a lovely, comfortable life. DS goes to many after school activities and does fine at school but outside of this he has no interest in doing anything.

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.

Please help.

OP posts:
ilovemyspace · 09/06/2023 21:55

He is so rude and badly behaved if I say we need to turn it off to go somewhere.

This is known as 'parenting' - we are meant to be teaching our children. Since when did we expect perfect behaviour from our kids? So, set boundaries and be a parent - it's not nice sometimes, it's nt easy, - but it's about being a parent

NuffSaidSam · 09/06/2023 21:57

You can't wean an addict.

Take the phone away. It's bad for him.

Hbh17 · 09/06/2023 21:58

Get rid of all his gadgets. And nobody should be on phones at mealtimes - that's just good manners & common sense.

YoucancallmeKAREN · 09/06/2023 21:58

You need drastic urgent solutions whether you want them or not. You need to get him off the screen and out of addiction now. Tell him that as of today he will only be allowed it 2 hours a day, reducing by 10 mins every day. That he isn't allowed to have it at the table when eating, it can't go to the loo with him and if he acts up he will be banned from having it the following day. Find him other ways to occupy his time. And limit your own screen time

caringcarer · 09/06/2023 22:00

You probably don't want to hear it but it's your fault. Why was he ever given more than an hour a day on school days or 2 hours a day at weekends? If you just let him go on it whenever he wants it is pretty obvious he is likely to get addicted. In your post you say you don't want to stop him on it. To break the addiction you'll need to remove it altogether until school holidays begin and then limit to 2 hours a day. Try signing him up for Sports clubs, Art or music so he has other interests and makes other friends.

surejan24 · 09/06/2023 22:04

Yeah my ds of the same age is the same. He will come off it if pressed but it often involves a lot of stropping and attitude. He does a lot do other activities and gets plenty of exercise but when he's at home all he wants to do is game or watch YouTube.

When I pull him up on it his reply is "well you're always on your phone" Blush

Climbles · 09/06/2023 22:07

You need to have some hard boundaries. Both of my children are very screen fixated. We have had to stop screen time during the school week. We allow if Friday after school and in the evening on Saturday and Sunday (from 5pm till 8pm). If I didn’t restrict it they would play video games 24/7. For the first couple of weeks it will be hard be he will adjust quickly if you don’t allow changing of the rules.

JamSandle · 09/06/2023 22:08

Can you show him the social media documentary that talks about how dangerous it is? I've forgotten the name of it sorry.

LegendsBeyond · 09/06/2023 22:11

That’s ridiculous, sorry. You’re the parent. You just don’t allow him the phone.

If it’s really that bad, he needs addiction support. See your GP.

cocksstrideintheevening · 09/06/2023 22:14

Take the phone away. It's simple. He doesn't need it.

Coka · 09/06/2023 22:18

Get an app and set a daily limit, much easlier than trying to get him to put it down each time

NoTouch · 09/06/2023 22:18

You might not want to hear the "drastic" solution but that is the only solution.

Take it away and actively explore other interests with him before he is old enough to need a phone for secondary school/socialising/going out with friends etc.

clarysagelavender · 09/06/2023 22:30

I find time limits work. So weekend/holidays they can have them from when they get up to 930/10am, one hour after lunch and then from 5.20pm - 6.15pm ish and then 6.55pm - 8.45pm. No screens at meals (including us).

That's still about 6 hours a day which seems plenty! Obvs if we have plans they will miss some of those times.

HulaHoop2012 · 09/06/2023 22:31

I think you need to be brave and take it away and deal with the fall out.

I found that my kids would do homework then go on the iPad then argue about sitting to eat dinner because of the iPad. Everything was ‘in a minute’.

We went cold turkey Monday to Friday, it was hell but they got over it and went to find other things to do, played with long forgotten toys. Although I will say you’ll need plenty of activities to guide them towards.

At the weekend they get a set amount of time then it goes away. We have the limit set which you can find in settings on the iPad.

I do allow them the iPad to watch drawing tutorials during the week that both my kids have got into but it has to be done in the kitchen at the table with volume so I can hear… they both give the iPad back when done.

Pyaar · 09/06/2023 22:45

My 9 yr old son was obsessed with YouTube and roblox as well and i was sick of his attitude when it was time to switch off, and after playing he was so aggressive and argumentative.

I cut right back and really laid the law down by physically removing the tablet and sticking to my guns.

He adjusted extremely quickly and didn't nag for it or anything. I now allow it for an hourish a day but he knows I'm in charge.

The other posters are right that you need to step up as a parent and deal with this. There is a simple solution. Good luck!

RhosynBach · 09/06/2023 22:46

My ten year old would be on his iPad and phone all day if he could. I think many would be. His iPad and phone (it’s my old phone for when he is out with mates and only has a few apps) are linked to my phone and I have set up daily limits for both and also downtime so he can’t access anything after 8pm. I find it has helped a lot

overitunderit · 09/06/2023 22:50

I don't have a ten year old but I do have toddlers and I think the parenting mantra needs to be the same here: it's ok for them to be angry or pissed off about a boundary you put in place but it doesn't mean you change the boundary. In fact it's important to have boundaries whether or not they like it.

So it goes like this: "I'm noticing you're not having healthy boundaries with your phone right now so I'm taking it away whilst we work out what to do. I'm sure this feels hard for you and I understand that but I'm not going to change my mind." And follow through.

Pyaar · 09/06/2023 22:50

And with regards to clubs outside of school could you try and give him some options and say pick one and tell him he's going to try it out for 6 months. Some kids need a lot of cajoling but will ultimately enjoy it so i dont think its a bad thing to take charge with this as well.

Hsirorbish · 09/06/2023 23:19

FFS use parental controls and discuss it with them. Then reduce the time week by week.

Followill · 09/06/2023 23:23

TookTheBook · 09/06/2023 21:21

Whose phone is it?

No one I know here has a phone in primary school 😬 a ten year old is only year 5 or 6 in England.

I can't imagine giving a child free reign to a device at that age, sorry.

Adults find them addictive enough. Just take it away until he's older. At the least impose a strict limitation that it is weekends only and a time limit.

Really?!

DS1 was one of the last in his class to get one. He is 10 and in Y5.

DS2 is 8YO and in year 3. Some of his class mates already have phones.

Sheselectric77 · 09/06/2023 23:44

Op just say no. He needs to ask when he is allowed to go on it and you state clearly that he has x amount of time. Take it away when time is up and ignore him kicking off. He will eventually get used to it.

My eldest is the same age. She has to ask if she can use our laptop. She then knows she gets a short amount of time then will either come off after a quick game or will come off when asked without issue. It’s never been a big thing and both dc mainly do other things and screens are an occasion thing. They have never been a daily activity and dc don’t really seem to think about it a lot. I’m not a perfect parent by any stretch but I’m shocked at how many people are struggling with this issue. It’s hard to imagine how people got to this point in the first place, why were everyone allowed free reign of screens to the point they become aggressive or argumentative when told no.

Only a handful of eldests class mates have phones and I certainly don’t know anyone younger with one. Why are we as a society allowing this to happen to our dc. 10 years olds addicted to screens ! It’s so sad.

NeverendingCircus · 09/06/2023 23:54

Talk to him about screen addiction. Explain how it causes anger and anxiety and delayed social skills. If he displays irritation etc explain this is a symptom of screen addiction and just proves how much he needs to ease off it.

It's great that he does things outside school. Can you build on those. If he does football, can you get some goal posts for the garden or take inflatable ones to the park and invite couple of his friends over to do scroing nd saving practise. Or if he does scouts, can you ask him to help you with garden bonfires or with sawing logs etc.

Can you create a couple of projects to get him involved in, eg updating his bedroom or building a shed - something where he'd get real satisfaction from having created something.

How about setting up a weekly family games night and playing board games. Or asking him to help cook a couple of times a week. Get him to choose the recipe and prepare it with you or dP as his 'assistant'.

Would he be up for a fitness challenge? When I was training for a 10k years ago, DS used to cycle beside me. And we used to go out and climb local hills after dinner to train to climb Ben Nevis.

Bit by bit, doing things with him, you'll get him engaged in the world beyond the screen.

minipie · 09/06/2023 23:56

My 10 yo doesn’t have a phone but she has a tablet. We use the screen time settings. No screen except between 5.30 to 7.30pm. It shuts off automatically at 7.30. Weekdays, nothing is allowed until homework and clubs are finished (which means it’s often nothing or maybe 10min only). We’ve also set a time limits on certain apps - only 20 min a day of X or Y game allowed.

NeverendingCircus · 09/06/2023 23:56

It’s hard to imagine how people got to this point in the first place, why were everyone allowed free reign of screens to the point they become aggressive or argumentative when told no.
@Sheselectric77 I think it got a lot worse during the pandemic. Schooling was online and parents had to work from home - the easiest way to ensure DC don't play up or interrupt work meetings is to let them onto screens.

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