To be despairing over 10 year old's screen addiction!!

[Petitopetito]

I am writing this out of absolute despair. My just turned 10 year old is addicted to roblox/youtube/everything. It's really crept up on us more and more but got to the point where he can't even leave the phone to go to the bathroom or to eat. He is so rude and badly behaved if I say we need to turn it off to go somewhere.

I am so ashamed that it's got to this. We have a lovely, comfortable life. DS goes to many after school activities and does fine at school but outside of this he has no interest in doing anything.

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.

Please help.

Get rid if it. It doesn't matter whether it has no sim card and is more like a tablet, he doesn't need it he is 10. He has demonstrated that he is not mature enough.

Get rid, I'd consider getting an extremely basic non smart phone when he starts secondary. If you must give him something more you need stringent rules/limits on it.

Ps you really can’t just take a screen away and suggest board games and expect it not to be a bloodbath but my DC do actually play and enjoy board games, chess, reading, listening to music, writing stories, painting etc now that we are in a clear routine with screens having minimal use

This so funny important

Sorry didn’t mean funny ! Meant true - face the demon down go cold turkey

Just cutting down simply won’t work. I’d also go completely cold turkey, and make sure the free time is filled up with stuff to keep you all distracted and busy. You can’t offer him activities 24/7 but I’m sure you can think of options, whether he chooses to take part or not, and get out the house on weekends. Eventually, and probably quite quickly, he’ll figure out how to fill his time. You can reintroduce set limits later, but I’d certainly be giving it a few weeks if not months, and keep strict about the time you allow.

Can you control it from your phone? Dd10 has an iPad and I can set parental controls from my iPhone and limit screen time, block apps, set limits for certain apps etc. it also allows me to set downtime so she can’t use it without me knowing overnight.

I would look into this first and see if there’s an app/control you can use. Then when he’s calm, away from the device I’d talk to him about how much screen time he thinks is reasonable per day and explain you will be setting limits. Like you say, far easier now than in another few years.

We have 90 minutes per day including a 10 minute limit on YouTube. Safari is turned off. We’ve had a few different limits, have settled on this and it’s a good balance for us. He’ll get used to the change in time and you’ll be pleased you did it.

I am in same situation w my 9 year old and Im reluctant to put him in any clubs ect due to his behaviour getting worse after this addiction, it's no one else's job but mine so I feel terrible taking him somewhere if he's not going to Behave

I’m going through the same! But no outside activities. He has no interest in anything else.

Take it off him and say he can have it back when his attitude improves. My kids (4&7) watch too much tv but it goes off for a week if their behaviour is poor.

I also have a daily list for each of them that they have to complete before they can watch tv (make bed, wash their breakfast bowl, practise spellings, read, tidy bedroom etc. I involved the kids when making the list so it has 5 things I want done (mostly household or school stuff) and 5 things of their choosing (mostly toy or hobby-related).

There is no gentle reduction with this. You need to get rid of it. Once he's got used to being without it, you can gradually reintroduce it with very tight restrictions. I'd use parental controls to set timers and block addictive sites/apps like youtube.

They can't develop interest in aything else if they have a screen addiction. The screen is too rewarding, the gratification too instant. It takes a long time to learn how to develop other interests. If you want them to have an interest in aything else, you ahve to take away the screens.

I have a younger child than your's, but she would watch TV all day every day if she had her own way. There are afternoons where she whines and whines about wanting to watch TV and in those situations I try and stop what I'm doing and give her say 15 minutes of totally undivided attention and get down some toys or activities that we've not played with for a while, or draw some things for her to colour in, or I just get a book out and start reading aloud even if she's not really listening at first and, whilst there is usually initial resistance to this, she then does get engaged with the activity and is happy to amuse herself then. Or we have a snack and go for a walk or into the garden. Have to get through that angry boredom barrier and just sit with the discomfort for a while, and help them find something else to do, until she finds something that catches her interest.

Its hard work and sometimes I just think "switching the TV on would be so much easier than this right now" but I do think that putting the hard work in and being firm that we're doing something else at the moment pays rewards in the long run. Often her most loved inventive games have been born out of having to find something else to do other than watching the TV.

Why has he got a phone?

You're teaching him that he can control you by making a bit of "drama". Change the dynamic before he's a teen. Seriously. You are setting yourself up for bigger problems than this.

Decide how many hours / minutes / whatever per day he can have the device, and when time's up, take it away. And STICK TO IT. If he behaves he gets it back at the time you've decided, if he makes any fuss he loses it until the same time the next day. You won't get "drama" for more than a week as long as you are absolutely, 100% consistent and never, ever let on that any fussing is getting to you.