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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have challenged teenagers at the park?

162 replies

KiteSirfer · 09/06/2023 19:49

I was with my two dc aged 6 and 9 at the playground in the park this evening.

Three young teenage boys were kicking a football. I asked them to stop, or to move into the park rather than nearly hitting young children in the playground. They became quite mouthy, refusing to move. So when their ball almost hit my kids for the second time, I picked it up and put it in the bin, to prevent them keep nearly hitting young kids with it.

All three of them then started arguing with me, calling me crazy, swearing, claiming it was child abuse I'd put their ball in the bin. Of course they easily retrieved the ball from the bin, then kept arguing with me. I was quite calm, kept explaining why their behaviour was dangerous and why Id asked them to stop. They also filmed me without my permission but I didn't say anything 'wrong'. Eventually they calmed down and we parted company.

Aibu to have challenged them? I'm a bit concerned they filmed me in discussion and claimed 'child abuse' for putting their ball in the bin. I should probably have walked away. The level of disrespect they had for adults and other children was quite sad and astonishing, I don't know how teachers deal with this level of disrespect, their language and behaviour was awful.

OP posts:
fyn · 09/06/2023 23:48

I manage about forty playgrounds so am in the business of telling off arsey teenagers, usually in baby playgrounds trying to break the swings. I challenge them every single time. There are places for them, baby and toddler playgrounds aren’t.

LifeIsPainHighness · 09/06/2023 23:49

Playgrounds actually have playground managers?!

fyn · 09/06/2023 23:51

@LifeIsPainHighness they are legally required to have a weekly inspection, so yes! They don’t just look after themselves!

Seddon · 09/06/2023 23:54

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That was my reaction too.

They 'almost' hit the kids with their ball? But didn't. It's not like they're sending toddlers flying, they're probably quite capable of directing the ball to each other and not at the kids the OP decided to plonk on the middle of their game.

JudgeRudy · 09/06/2023 23:57

You'll be on YouTube somewhere....Karen goes wild....or round the playground at least.
You're in a publ8c space so they can do that...but so can you.

TheaBrandt · 10/06/2023 00:00

I remember playing tennis years ago pre kids with a friend and some young teen lads were mucking about and disrupting our game. My friend who was American spoke to them in such a friendly but firm respectful way. They laughed apologised and moved on. Really stuck with me as the way to speak to teens. Yes some are trouble aged looking for trouble but most aren’t. You are the adult here.

BodyKeepingScore · 10/06/2023 00:28

Asking them to please move elsewhere or letting them know they could potentially hit a child with the ball - 100% okay

Taking their ball and putting it in a bin, when they haven't actually hit a child with it - unreasonable and immature

TheOrigRights · 10/06/2023 00:34

Can you clarify what sort of play ground? Enclosed? Part of the main park?
Were they actually kicking the ball within the swings, slides and climbing frames? Maybe using some of the apparatus as goal posts?
Is there a sign anywhere saying footballs are not allowed, or that the play ground is for children of a certain age?

They were absolutely wrong to talk to you in the way they did, but I think you were wrong to put their ball in the bin.

Fisharejumping · 10/06/2023 00:52

You are going to end up in a video called “Karen strikes again.”

CremeEgg1983 · 10/06/2023 00:53

I personally wouldn't have said or done anything as I know many teenagers carry knives these days and it's just not worth the risk.

Timesawastin · 10/06/2023 00:59

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And you sound like a very silly, rude nd ignorant person to everyone else.

IBetGordonRamsayDoesntHaveTheseProblems · 10/06/2023 01:07

Just to be clear, you're upset that children were playing with balls in the playground?

Whatever next Hmm

When your children are teenagers you'll be complaining that they're spending all day on the PlayStation, and you wish they'd go out to play football. When that happens, remember this thread.

pizzaHeart · 10/06/2023 01:16

Ontheperiphery79 · 09/06/2023 22:53

Definitely not unreasonable to politely/diplomatically challenge them, but it was a dick move to put their ball in the bin.

Not entirely sure what you were hoping to achieve by the latter and it's a provocative move that could have gone sideways.

I've always asked older kids (who've been lairy/at risk of splatting younger kids with their balls etc) in a friendly way to mind the little ones. And, that's mainly worked because, I dunno, challenges don't always need to sound otherwise.

If its getting too much, I'll just trot off with DC (who are only 5) because they don't need to hear things kicking off (and I'm someone who, if peed off - especially when it concerns my daughters - can very readily control their tongue)).

Not saying my way is the right way - and, in an ideal world, older children would know how to 'behave' around younger children - but I do what works to try and keep my DC away from antisocial behaviour (including my own).

I agree with your way @Ontheperiphery79 it sounds much more sensible and I bet it’s more productive.

You don’t use open confrontation with group of teens in a park. It never works and it might be dangerous.

SpringViolet · 10/06/2023 01:17

Context is everything really.

Young teens - 13/14? I have a 12 year old who wears age 17 school trousers and men’s tall medium sized clothes. At age 10, he’d have easily been taken for age 14.

Were they already in the park before you were there?

Small park with railings around it or play equipment in the middle of a park not separated off? How close was ‘nearly’ hit your DC. Mine at age 9 and 6 would have either run off with the ball or asked to play with them!

Agree with it’s how you came across. Was it ‘hey stop that, move somewhere else’ or ‘hey lads, I don’t want my kids to get hit by your ball, so would you mind moving a bit further away’?

If you came across as rude, that’s the reaction you get back. The chucking the ball in the bin was very rude.

MakesMeFeelSad · 10/06/2023 01:52

As it says in the op she asked them come off the playground and go into the park with the ball then it's very likely that they they knew they shouldn't have been playing it there. The grass is for playing ball not the playground

And why do people keep going on about the ops children one day being teens? Not all teens are obnoxious twats who play with balls in the playground when they have a whole park area to have a kick about

HappiDaze · 10/06/2023 02:24

Young boys playing football

OP doesn't like this so puts their ball in the bin

Do you realise how utterly insane that sounds

funinthesun19 · 10/06/2023 02:32

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I’m a millennial and I agree with her. Gen Z teenagers really have a thing for filming people. The odd millennial might have got out their digital camera or shitty basic smartphone out and posted a grainy video on maybe YouTube or something. I bet it was very rare.

Nothing like Gen Z who have super clear videos, good internet, apps on their phone which makes uploading videos instant and right now rather waiting until they get home and going on the computer, and they also have plenty of social media and viral trends they like to follow eg “Karen”. Gen Z all over.

Hawkins0001 · 10/06/2023 02:37

KiteSirfer · 09/06/2023 20:07

Thanks. I'm not sure their purpose of filming me?? Maybe it's just something they do nowadays.

Seems sad if teenagers behaviour prevents others using the park/playground on a nice evening.

Possibly you may be part of the infamous K* clips that are on eg tiktoc

Original poster
KiteSirfer · 10/06/2023 05:11

Initially I asked them in a friendly way not to kick the ball in the playground, because it was head height (not across the floor) and there were young children there, so they could injure someone by keep playing, please use the field/Park instead.

Their response to my polite request was to swear and argue (there was a whole park for them to play football in, they didn't need to use the playground for under 12s).

When the ball came flying near my dc head whilst they were playing on the roundabout a second time, I collected the ball and put it in the bin. The purpose of this was to prevent an injury.

Of course they got the ball from the bin and circled me, arguing and claiming 'child abuse' because I'd put their ball in the bin. I explained to them again how if a young child was hit by the ball it could injure them, cause a nose bleed etc. They were full of all kinds of nonsense about being orphans etc.

Makes sense if they filmed to put on ticktock or whatever, they could easily have played in the main park but presumably they were looking from a reaction from me,calling me crazy and swearing etc.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 10/06/2023 06:04

KiteSirfer · 10/06/2023 05:11

Initially I asked them in a friendly way not to kick the ball in the playground, because it was head height (not across the floor) and there were young children there, so they could injure someone by keep playing, please use the field/Park instead.

Their response to my polite request was to swear and argue (there was a whole park for them to play football in, they didn't need to use the playground for under 12s).

When the ball came flying near my dc head whilst they were playing on the roundabout a second time, I collected the ball and put it in the bin. The purpose of this was to prevent an injury.

Of course they got the ball from the bin and circled me, arguing and claiming 'child abuse' because I'd put their ball in the bin. I explained to them again how if a young child was hit by the ball it could injure them, cause a nose bleed etc. They were full of all kinds of nonsense about being orphans etc.

Makes sense if they filmed to put on ticktock or whatever, they could easily have played in the main park but presumably they were looking from a reaction from me,calling me crazy and swearing etc.

Is there an age limit to this area they were in? Are ball games forbidden? If the answer to either of those things is no, then they had every much a right to be there as your children. Children have always managed to navigate other children playing football in the vicinity haven’t they. You had no right to put their ball in a bin and I am not surprised they were antagonised by that.

QuintanaRoo · 10/06/2023 06:25

KiteSirfer · 09/06/2023 20:07

Thanks. I'm not sure their purpose of filming me?? Maybe it's just something they do nowadays.

Seems sad if teenagers behaviour prevents others using the park/playground on a nice evening.

Probably to put you on tiktok sadly.

LuvSmallDogs · 10/06/2023 06:40

Teenagers do hang out in playgrounds round here, but not playing football, just hanging out on the play equipment which they usually vacate or make room on when little ones want a go. They can get a bit sweary when talking to each other in that edgy teen way, but if it's not aggressive swearing doesn't bother me too much.

I once ended up having a long conversation with a lad about his GCSEs and video games while we both used the swings, it was half term and other than DH it was the only "adult" conversation I'd had in days!

AngelasAirpods · 10/06/2023 06:42

Paperlate · 09/06/2023 23:11

Gen Z''er, Boomer , all insults. Just different generations.

Show quote history

Gen Z is not an insult, it’s what you call people of a certain generation. Same as Gen X, millennial etc

Boomer on the other hand is used as an insult. This generation are Baby Boomers, born after the war when there was an increase in the birth rate.

Top tip: get your facts straight before arguing online.

LuvSmallDogs · 10/06/2023 06:44

funinthesun19 · 10/06/2023 02:32

I’m a millennial and I agree with her. Gen Z teenagers really have a thing for filming people. The odd millennial might have got out their digital camera or shitty basic smartphone out and posted a grainy video on maybe YouTube or something. I bet it was very rare.

Nothing like Gen Z who have super clear videos, good internet, apps on their phone which makes uploading videos instant and right now rather waiting until they get home and going on the computer, and they also have plenty of social media and viral trends they like to follow eg “Karen”. Gen Z all over.

Show quote history

As a millennial, do you not remember happy slapping? That was our generation.

Hopelesscynic · 10/06/2023 06:46

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Your language is amazing, bet if you have kids they also speak like you? 🙄

OP, I get it I've seen similar. It's really shocking how mouthy and aggressive they get, not caring about language or manners, not even in front of young kids.
You absolutely did the right thing, well done for standing up to them! And don't worry about their video, if anything like this happens again just take out your own phone and start filming them back (that way they won't catch your face well on their camera and would also get a taste of being filmed themselves).