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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When someone steals food…

118 replies

Millymollymaisy · 09/06/2023 17:37

Just still thinking of my visit this morning to a well known coffee shop in the town, where I noticed one of the workers blocking the door and having quite a stand off with what appeared to be a homeless man.

The situation was becoming quite hostile with the worker demanding he empty the bag ( that’s when I noticed he has a shopping bag in his hand ) myself and the rest of the shop continued to watch the exchange when it became apparent he had walked in and stole some type of sanwhich roll. Just one roll.

My gut instinct was to jump up and offer to buy this man the food, but I had forgot my purse at home ( coffee date had paid ) so I looked around and noticed while everyone was happy to watch nobody had had the same thought as me .

I am not saying stealing is okay I just feel if someone needs to walk in and steal one piece of food there is a high chance they are hungry and cannot afford to eat. The whole way this man was dealt with over a sandwhich just makes me feel when did we forget about humanity? About trying to understand someone’s actions even if we don’t agree .

It just made me feel sad. I can pretty much be sure he was a homeless man by his appearance/ dress and so on but even if he had a home he was hungry.

when did we get okay with being okay with degrading and humiliating a person in a lesser fortunate situation than us ? I just wished I could have got up and paid for the food.

OP posts:
Thesunnymood · 09/06/2023 19:05

BounceyB · 09/06/2023 19:05

I agree theft is morally corrupt but isn't it equally corrupt that large organisations are continuing to take large pay cheques when the rest of the country is struggling to make ends meet?

These issues were dealt with really well by Victor Hugo when he wrote Les Miserables.

Show quote history

It's the government who people ahould blame. Not businesses

TallerThanAverage · 09/06/2023 19:15

It isn’t one roll though, it’s a roll every day, sometimes more than once and he won’t be the only one either.

Revoltingrhyme · 09/06/2023 19:17

Mumsnet posters strike again. ‘Stealing bad. A single sandwich roll to survive? No. Back to the streets poor man!’

these are MC educated and cultured women yet don’t understand the lives of the poorest people in their own country and how desperate people have to be to steal FOOD.

JusthereforXmas · 09/06/2023 19:19

I was homeless for 3 years... theres no such thing as 'looking homeless', myself and the other homeless people I have known over the years look like everyone else and blend in perfectly.

There is a reason we blend in, because its DANGEROUS to stand out... we dont have safe spaces to retreat to so we live 'invisibly' to not attract negative attention (no one wants to be followed, beaten or raped which is the risk you face sleeping rough... its why homeless people who freeze to death are often stumbled upon in the strangest 'out of sight' places).

What people SEE as 'homeless' people are BEGGERS and its all a show... they are completely different and I have never met one that was actually homeless. They usually have their hand out for every last bit of help and are weasally at working the system unlike us homeless.

I was homeless due to age (at 16-17 you can't get help from benefits and they dont care about 'care' after 16 they just dump you in dangerous halfway houses where its safe on the streets) and a lack of understand of how to apply for help.

Believe it or not they can make a FORTUNE begging, I have never met a 'poor' beggar (they spend the money feeding addictions but often make more than having a job).

JayWayney · 09/06/2023 19:22

LakeTiticaca · 09/06/2023 19:05

Most major towns have charitable organisations which help the homeless. The homeless in these towns will know
exactly where they are.
I see them on a regular basis queuing at the door of the charity waiting for a bag of food. Then 10 minutes later sat on the benches opposite smoking weed/drinking wine from the bottle. OP if you are so concerned about this poor chap you could always invite him into your home for a shower and a hot meal.
Erm no I thought not......

Most places do, but these organisations aren't open all the time. I work in a small town for an organisation where people often come in asking for food bank vouchers and advice on food sourcing. We know where to send them, but it's not an everyday service. We frequently have regular contact with these people and know what sort of situation they are in. We can give a person a cup of tea but that's all we can do and really, dealing with homelessness and hunger is not our remit. However, if we have biscuits or crisps in, we share what we have.

InSpainTheRain · 09/06/2023 19:26

My DS works in a large busy bakers. They have people trying to steal everyday. Sometimes one thing, sometimes an armful of stuff. What do you suggest they do? Let the ones off the hook that "look like they need it"? There are a lot of chances, a lot of money that want to save their food money for lottery tickets or drugs. When confronted they can be nasty, I so worry about this. I don't feel I should have to worry about someone getting punched working in a bakery but unfortunately that's the case.

Jibo · 09/06/2023 19:27

Not sure someone who "forgets their purse at home" when meeting a friend/date at a cafe is in much of a position to be judging anyone. YABU.

Doingmybest12 · 09/06/2023 19:32

How do you know no one else had the same thought as you and left their purse at home ?
Why didn't you ask your coffee date to lend you the money?
Why was other people's watching different from your watching?
What about the member of staff and how they felt/risk to them?
YABU

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/06/2023 19:33

Well what’s the worse thing that can happen to him He gets put in Prison? At least there he’ll get 3 I wouldn’t go as far as to say square meals but meals not the less per day and a bed to sleep in.

Doingmybest12 · 09/06/2023 19:35

Why didn't you go over and tell the worker /manager to be more compassionate ? Or make a complaint about what you saw?

DoingSomethingUnholy · 09/06/2023 19:42

Hmm it's a cafe and someone's livelihood, I sympathise with people being so desperately hungry that they steal, but it's still theft. Foodbanks, homeless shelters and some churches offer help for people who are too poor to afford to feed themselves, allowing someone to steal is not the answer here.

Livelovebehappy · 09/06/2023 19:44

Where do you draw the line? There are shoplifters in supermarkets who say they are desperate, but none of us can judge if the person is telling the truth. If the coffee shop owner just allowed that person to take the sandwich with no consequences, what message is that sending out to other onlookers? Some of whom could be children. Stealing is never okay. And who knows what the shop owners situation is? Maybe that was the fifth person that day trying to steal something. Maybe the shop owner is struggling to keep their business afloat.

Mygazpachoistoocold · 09/06/2023 19:49

You saw a snapshot in time and made some assumptions. Unless you know both sides of the story you don't know what actually happened.

Many coffee shops allow you to pay it forward. If you're genuinely bothered by what you saw why not pay it forward.

Redebs · 09/06/2023 19:55

Several takeaways I know give food to hungry people. It's a normal part of their business. A pupil I used to teach would regularly get a kebab from his local takeaway when his mum was in the pub.

Also, Morrisons give a meal at their cafe to anyone who asks for 'Henry'.

It's different when businesses choose to give food to people, rather than have it stolen, but I guess if you're hungry, the distinction isn't so important.

Original poster
Millymollymaisy · 09/06/2023 20:46

Yeah. The area he took the sandwich from had a whole array of products / drinks/ more expensive items. He took one thing and that was something to eat.

It is a sad time we live in. I guess I’m a person that always thinks about the story behind someone’s actions. Nobody would choose to be in this man’s situation. I often wonder what happened to them and that’s where my compassion comes in.

Theft is wrong . But context is everything .

OP posts:
Maireas · 09/06/2023 20:48

Well, @Millymollymaisy you could have done something, couldn't you?
I've no idea why anyone would leave the house without their purse, but couldn't you have borrowed from your friend to pay for food for this person?.

Paperlate · 09/06/2023 20:53

Millymollymaisy · 09/06/2023 20:46

Yeah. The area he took the sandwich from had a whole array of products / drinks/ more expensive items. He took one thing and that was something to eat.

It is a sad time we live in. I guess I’m a person that always thinks about the story behind someone’s actions. Nobody would choose to be in this man’s situation. I often wonder what happened to them and that’s where my compassion comes in.

Theft is wrong . But context is everything .

You were so compassionate you didn't borrow a tenner from your coffee date to pay for his sandwich.

You thought you would virtue signal on MN instead

TheWayTheLightFalls · 09/06/2023 21:00

I agree with the PP above - a lot of this kind of behaviour is linked to begging and usually addiction rather than someone very hungry who just needs a meal for themselves/their families. I run a food bank in a very rough corner of London and at this point I think I've seen it all. Plenty of people who shove a hot meal/sandwich/fruit back at you and say "What am I supposed to do with this?" and then carry on up the road asking for "just 50p so I can get some breakfast".

I don't make a value judgment about the people we serve but turning down food to ask for money "for food" is about my limit unfortunately.

Modernmuse · 09/06/2023 21:13

He could be a regular offender, the staff are probably tired of him, you only witnessed a snapshot, they are probably stuck with him day in and day out. I work in a store and this is a common problem. They rely on sympathy of customers like you and often play up to the crowd, they know exactly what they are doing.

LaPerduta · 09/06/2023 22:51

It is a sad time we live in. I guess I’m a person that always thinks about the story behind someone’s actions. Nobody would choose to be in this man’s situation. I often wonder what happened to them and that’s where my compassion comes in.

I'm sure you have both warmed this man's heart and sated his hunger by starting a thread on Mumsnet to show how compassionate you are.

Oh, wait...

user1473878824 · 09/06/2023 22:55

Millymollymaisy · 09/06/2023 20:46

Yeah. The area he took the sandwich from had a whole array of products / drinks/ more expensive items. He took one thing and that was something to eat.

It is a sad time we live in. I guess I’m a person that always thinks about the story behind someone’s actions. Nobody would choose to be in this man’s situation. I often wonder what happened to them and that’s where my compassion comes in.

Theft is wrong . But context is everything .

OP this is the most Mary Sue first and second post ever.

LaPerduta · 09/06/2023 23:03

NeedANewPhone1 · 09/06/2023 18:54

I'm really sorry (really) but Muphry? 😁😁😁

Show quote history

Yes! Google it.

MaudGonneOutForChips · 09/06/2023 23:16

Yes, nobody but you felt the remotest compassion for this man. You were able to see into the hearts of everyone else, and no one but you thought about the backstory, or homelessness, or poverty. It must be terrible not having had your purse so you could leap up and make a melodramatic gesture to demonstrate compassionate behaviour to the stone-hearted.

JustGeorgie · 09/06/2023 23:17

Millymollymaisy · 09/06/2023 20:46

Yeah. The area he took the sandwich from had a whole array of products / drinks/ more expensive items. He took one thing and that was something to eat.

It is a sad time we live in. I guess I’m a person that always thinks about the story behind someone’s actions. Nobody would choose to be in this man’s situation. I often wonder what happened to them and that’s where my compassion comes in.

Theft is wrong . But context is everything .

No theft is illegal.... not merely 'wrong'

And a bit of a sad story for 'context' doesn't make it right/acceptable either

user1473878824 · 09/06/2023 23:46

@MaudGonneOutForChips Honestly I can’t even work out how she feels about this other than she is the best.