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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick and have 18m old alone for the weekend.

93 replies

NatMoz · 09/06/2023 10:47

I'm really ill, struggling to get out of bed ill.

My husband is going to his dad's stag do this weekend, he is also provided all camping equipment for his brother (tent, sleeping bag etc) as he lives abroad. He has suggested to not go but it would mean letting people down and i would feel very guilty about this. It is 3 hours away. My parents have no plans this weekend and they always told me that they would help in emergencies.

My mum has this story about how she was very ill and had to look after 2 children as my grandma (dad's mum) refused to help and how awful it was being sick and in that position.

I spoke to my parents and they are refusing to help me this weekend to look after my daughter as they don't want to get sick (ok fair enough) but i reminded my mum about her tale and she said 'well that was 2 children and you have a husband' (my mum has been married to my dad nearly 40 years so she was not husbandless either!).

Not sure how rational people in AIBU are but give me your thoughts.

I don't think i will get help this weekend and my mum practically laughed at me.

OP posts:

Whatisithatido · 09/06/2023 10:49

I've been in this position- you just have to suck it up. At 18 months you can lay on the sofa and your child can play on the floor- plenty of screen time- a nice long nap then it's nearly bed time. Go to bed when they go to bed. And repeat for the rest of the weekend.

Whatisithatido · 09/06/2023 10:50

I've had to vote YABU sorry! If you've got a sick bug I'd understand why your parents don't want it too.

rubyslippers · 09/06/2023 10:53

It’s crap and we’ve all been there
it seems a shame that your parents can’t / won’t help but if it is something that’s possibly contagious like d&v etc I don’t entirely blame them either
Loads of telly, lay in bed or on the couch with your toddler
toast and easy meals
wish you better

NotSorry · 09/06/2023 10:53

Your mum is obviously one of those people who asks “is there anything I can do?” And then is most put out when you try to take her up on it.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/06/2023 10:53

I wouldn't want my mum to get sick tbh, especially if my husband offered to stay home.
I think you should just have a calm weekend and get your husband to prep some meals/snacks for you both or the baby and a few favourite cartoons or quieter activities set up before he goes.

NotSorry · 09/06/2023 10:54

OP hasn’t said it’s a sick bug

Crazycrazylady · 09/06/2023 10:57

Honestly I understand people not wanting to rush over if it's a contagious bug ( more especially if they're older) I know it's hard but I'd take the advice of a precious poster ans decamp to sofa for the weekend and live on tea and toast. One weekend of screen time won't do your toddler any harm

Circe7 · 09/06/2023 10:57

It’s awful being sick and looking after a toddler. I’m a single parent and have had to do it a lot and they have been some of the worst times but you get through it because you have to. My parents would come and help but I really try to avoid asking them as they are a bit older and get ill easily. Dose yourself up and do the minimum needed to get by and hope you feel better soon.

mayorofcasterbridge · 09/06/2023 10:59

We’ve all had to do it!!

Clymene · 09/06/2023 10:59

It's only Friday morning, hopefully you'll feel a bit better tomorrow. What's wrong with you?

Just lie on the sofa and watch telly. You can do it - thousands of single parents manage.

bloodywhitecat · 09/06/2023 10:59

That sounds really tough OP and I get the guilt of your DH missing the event but if you really can't cope then you have no other option but for him to stay home. I have family I would never rely on either so I wouldn't even bother asking them these days, no matter how ill or desperate I was.

AuntieJune · 09/06/2023 11:00

Would your parents be prepared to drive the camping stuff to stag do, this releasing your dh to stay home?

Or could dh go only briefly to stag do? Tbh if it's a sick bug he's fairly likely to come down with it while camping (which is hell) and/or spread it to the stags, which is not great! Particularly is the wedding is soon enough that a bug could ruin it...

Could you reschedule the stag? Camp closer to home?

If you really can't get out of bed, I don't think you can look after an 18mo for a whole weekend. If no alternative, telly it is!

MrsLully · 09/06/2023 11:00

It's a crappy situation but sadly it's likely to happen many more times in the future. Next time it won't be a stag do, he'll just be at work, or your parents might be busy, it doesn't really matter.

I do remember feeling really sorry for myself the first time I was poorly and having to take care of my little one. After a few years, another child, and countless viruses and bugs and the three of us being ill nonstop for weeks after my eldest started nursery, now is just part of motherhood. It comes with the job so sadly you just have to muddle through as best as you can. Feel free to vent of course 🤣

fyn · 09/06/2023 11:02

When I was sick and my husband was deployed I pulled a mattress into my daughters baby proofed room. Set up the iPad with Disney movies and toys and just lay there.

ChillysWaterBottle · 09/06/2023 11:03

It's crap OP and I always feel sorry for people with parents like this. I hope you feel better soon and I agree that TV time limits should go out the window this weekend x

amylou8 · 09/06/2023 11:04

We've all been there. Park him in front of the TV, feed him processed crap and ignore the housework.

Original poster

NatMoz · 09/06/2023 11:05

It probably doesn't help that she refuses to watch tv😂.

OP posts:

AuntieJune · 09/06/2023 11:09

NatMoz · 09/06/2023 11:05

It probably doesn't help that she refuses to watch tv😂.

Can you do super rapid Amazon delivery of sticker books or similar? I keep some stashed away for emergencies!

I see why you're annoyed with your mum but it's a big ask for someone to willingly risk a sickness bug, especially if they're a bit older.

We got really used to this in covid times, working out risk of passing something on to GP and what's a worthwhile risk or not.

Has your DC had the bug yet? Have a bit of a plan if they do - clean bedding and pj's at the ready, know what you'd use for a sick bucket etc. It's grim but won't last forever.

I really wouldn't want to be your dh risking being 3 hours from home, spewing in a tent with a load of drunk guys though!

GreenEyeGopher · 09/06/2023 11:10

I mean it depends how unwell you are and with what.

When I’ve been really unwell with a high fever and completely delirious I wouldn’t have been safe to look after a child - I remember once being so delirious I thought our cat was the devil and started screaming and throwing things at her.

18 months is a tough age because screens don’t necessarily entertain for that long and it’s peak age for causing carnage. I’d be scared to doze off when I was in some charge of an 18month old, even if you could lock yourselves in a baby proofed room.

LovelyJublee · 09/06/2023 11:16

There's a horrible virus thing going around, and I've recently had it myself, my children are older but if they were little, dh probably would insisted he not go away. He worked away when dd was a baby and there's been times he's cut his working week shirt because she or I were very poorly and he felt shit not being nearby, he was self employed and could do that though.

It's crap your parents won't help but if it's anything like that's going round some people I know where it's a week or two of being quite unwell and then a few more weeks of general feeling shitty, I wouldn't feel ok having my Mum be around and catch it. She would check in on me regularly and arrange shopping or to drop off anything I needed but I'd feel more guilty making her sick with something that could have her in bed for as long as I've know people be with this flu like thing.

I know you'd said you'd feel guilty if you accepted dh offer but reverse and say it was you going on a passes weekend away, would you be able to go off and have fun knowing your dh can barely get out of bed? It would be shit if he missed it but sometimes it's one of those things and if you few like you aren't well enough to safely care for a small child then as shit as it is, I'd accept his offer of not going or have a plan where he can home early if need be.

I hope you feel better soon.

wingingit1987 · 09/06/2023 11:20

Is it contagious? If so, I can understand them not wanting to come over.
if you are at deaths door then it really falls on your husband to look after the kids, even if it means letting people down.
it’s really rubbish being ill with kids- mum of 5 here and I’ve been in the situation many times. Once while husband was working away and I was heavily pregnant with no.4.

hope you feel better soon.

Cosycover · 09/06/2023 11:26

If you are really that ill then your husband should stay home. He can give the camping equipment to someone else to take along.

It's shit but unfortunately these things happen.

Blossomtoes · 09/06/2023 11:29

Cosycover · 09/06/2023 11:26

If you are really that ill then your husband should stay home. He can give the camping equipment to someone else to take along.

It's shit but unfortunately these things happen.

This. Your bloke stays at home.

Codlingmoths · 09/06/2023 11:37

I am so over all the people who say oh it’s just being a mum. It’s being a single mum yes. I’ve done this but I have a husband who was frankly a bit of an asshole about this and would leave me to parent a baby when sick. I ended up telling him it was a deal breaker for our marriage whcih for some reason was a shock to him?? I mean why would anyone stay with a man who won’t look after his own children when you’re sick,much less you?? So that got through to him finally and he changed.

but if you can’t look after dc safely, he has to stay. There isn’t much other option apart from endangering your toddler
is there? I bet your mum doesn’t tell that story again!! But if she does I’d be totally pissed off in your shoes. ‘Yes mum I know it was shit it was only a few weeks ago for me! Honestly you have told this story so often I really thought you would help me when I was in this position, instead you were all but you have a husband, it’s news to me you were a single mum.’

Lidlpopdrinker · 09/06/2023 11:42

She’s right, you do have a husband. Either insist he stays home or you just deal with it alone. How do you think single parents manage?

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