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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick and have 18m old alone for the weekend.

93 replies

NatMoz · 09/06/2023 10:47

I'm really ill, struggling to get out of bed ill.

My husband is going to his dad's stag do this weekend, he is also provided all camping equipment for his brother (tent, sleeping bag etc) as he lives abroad. He has suggested to not go but it would mean letting people down and i would feel very guilty about this. It is 3 hours away. My parents have no plans this weekend and they always told me that they would help in emergencies.

My mum has this story about how she was very ill and had to look after 2 children as my grandma (dad's mum) refused to help and how awful it was being sick and in that position.

I spoke to my parents and they are refusing to help me this weekend to look after my daughter as they don't want to get sick (ok fair enough) but i reminded my mum about her tale and she said 'well that was 2 children and you have a husband' (my mum has been married to my dad nearly 40 years so she was not husbandless either!).

Not sure how rational people in AIBU are but give me your thoughts.

I don't think i will get help this weekend and my mum practically laughed at me.

OP posts:

Newname2323 · 09/06/2023 11:54

I had covid whilst looking after 3 alone 1 also had a covid. I've never felt so shocking in my life, id go from shivering to dripping in sweat, dizziness, a migraine that I could feel behind my eyes. Just had to get on with it, was an awful 4 days and I felt so guilty for sticking them in-front of the tv, but what can you do. If you have had help offered from DH I'd take it, but if you're refusing I don't think you can make it DMs duty. Just do the bare minimum is my advice

Sapphire387 · 09/06/2023 12:05

I think your husband should stay home if you're that bad, but also have to say that I would want to help my daughter. My parents have helped me in such situations- I would usually try and just go to bed and keep away from infecting them while they watched DC in another room. I do think it's a bit mean of them to say they will help and then not help - your mum clearly struggled when in that situation herself.

violinviolet · 09/06/2023 12:07

I'm so sorry you are unwell. We have all been there and I wouldn't want my parents to get unwell and to be honest I'd be the same in their situation.

RabbitsRock · 09/06/2023 12:07

What’s wrong OP?

violinviolet · 09/06/2023 12:10

Your husband should stay at home and make other arrangements mine would and has done as I have too when he's been unwell

Tigofigo · 09/06/2023 12:11

We've all been there, it sucks.

Ask your parents to deliver activities / shop as a compromise?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 09/06/2023 12:13

I don’t think you can expect anyone to help out when it’s a sick bug. It’s part and parcel of being a parent.

DH needs to be the one to help if anything, as PP have said

Daffodil92 · 09/06/2023 12:15

The replies here are really sad.
Your husband has offered to stay home, which shows he’s not a selfish prick and is willing to give up the trip. However, it’s his dad’s stag and a one off-would be such a shame for him to miss out!
Yes OP, I’m sure you could manage on your own, but if I were your mum I wouldn’t want you to. I hope I never make my daughters feel like your mum’s made you feel. Also, she will be old one day and might need your help. Just my opinion. Hope you feel better soon x

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 09/06/2023 12:17

I really don't blame your parents.
If you are too ill to cope then your dh really needs to stay home.
The other option is that he prepares lots of food and drinks for you and your toddler, he makes sure you are stocked up on nappies and toys etc and sets up the sofa for you.

Hazelnuttella · 09/06/2023 12:18

These response are really harsh.
I’d be quite upset with your mum. I know mine would be there in a flash if I needed her.

TimesRwo · 09/06/2023 12:18

I’ve been there, feeling ridiculously unwell and DH away whilst I’m alone all weekend with an 18 month old.

My mum insisting on coming to stay to help but I refused because I didn’t want her to catch whatever I had, so I understand your parent’s’ reluctance.

It’s tough, but you’re just going to have to power through.

kingtamponthefurred · 09/06/2023 12:20

Why do your husband's plans trump your mother's desire to stay well? If you cannot cope, he is the obvious person to look after what I assume are his children.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/06/2023 12:21

YANBU for needing help, but should definitely be your husband who stays home and not your Mum to come and risk getting ill.

Your husband can surely just lend his brother the kit.

Or if he’s really desperate to go, he can explain the situation and perhaps someone from his family who’s not going on the stag can take your child FOR HIM.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/06/2023 12:22

As a parent, it should be the norm that obviously any plans to be away depend on the other parent being well.

Obviously not to be cancelled due to a cold, but if the other parent is properly ill.

Daffodil92 · 09/06/2023 12:24

Hazelnuttella · 09/06/2023 12:18

These response are really harsh.
I’d be quite upset with your mum. I know mine would be there in a flash if I needed her.

I agree. I think most people who I know would too-I suppose all families are different.

NotTodaySatanIHavePMS · 09/06/2023 12:24

I think the key question here is whether, if he was as ill as you are, you would leave him home alone with the baby in order to go on a hen weekend?

The second question is: are you so ill that you're not really safe to look after a child?

I'm happy for all the hard nuts on here who can glory in their war stories of having powered through weekends of solo parenting with their bum on the loo, head in the sink and baby on their knee.

But I really hope for their sake that they were only in that position as an extreme last resort and not because the people around them who were supposed to love and support them just callously fucked off and left them to it.

Member869894 · 09/06/2023 12:25

Not aor of sympathy here to be honest. I brought up 3 dcs as a single mum. At least your husband can take over care when he gets back so the end will be in sight

QuiltedHippo · 09/06/2023 12:25

Oh you poor thing, this is such a hideous part of parenting.

We never ask parents to help with sick kids as it feels so unfair to inflict illness on them, but if your LO is OK would they not take her for a pram walk and to the playground or something. It'll be nice weather and they'd be in the fresh air. Even a couple of hours would help you.

Fun trip like stag dos are few and far between for us during the baby and toddler years so I'd be doing everything to let DH go as its his brothers

Remaker · 09/06/2023 12:25

If it’s D&V I’m sorry but I don’t love anyone enough to expose myself to that unnecessarily. Of course if it’s my kids I look after them.

Even if a different kind of illness I can understand your mum wanting to avoid it. My mum was sick for weeks and almost ended up in hospital after my brother asked her to help out when they had influenza. I was really angry with him.

I’ve cancelled w/e plans when DH was too sick to care for kids. I think your husband needs to step up.

SophieinParis · 09/06/2023 12:28

ive had x4 18month olds and at that age they won’t sit on the sofa and watch tv for more than about a minute! Nor will they play on the floor whilst you lay on the sofa. They toddle around incessantly for the most part. They like the playground and the garden and throwing stuff. They like putting all their toys in a random food cupboard. They like balancing on the edge of the sofa.
I think your DH needs to stay at home.

Bullshot · 09/06/2023 12:30

You might be feeling much better by tomorrow? Try and take it easy today so at least you are rested

I wouldn’t and didn’t expect my DM to come and look after my DC when I was ill ( single parent).

explain to DC that you feel unwell and that you need to snuggle on sofa with books/ telly. No harm in trying to help her understand that adults are not super humans

Jeds55 · 09/06/2023 12:31

I have an 18 month old so I sympathise- screens amuse her for about 5 mins.
She'll play with a bowl of water with toys in it for a while- put a couple of towels down to hopefully limit the mess.
It depends how rough you feel though - at this age they get everywhere and are so busy. Husband may have to forgo the stag do.

LadyJ2023 · 09/06/2023 12:45

I'm so sorry your feeling bad but you have to plough on its what we do. I've just spent the last 2 weeks with twin 1 year olds and my 2 yr old all sick night and day and then I was ill half of that also. There currently now on antibiotics as all 3 got diagnosed with a chest infection 2 days ago and I'm on antibiotics for an ear and chest so ye it's fun feel like crawling under a hedge but we just chugging along right now

NotTodaySatanIHavePMS · 09/06/2023 12:53

LadyJ2023 · 09/06/2023 12:45

Why have you had to do all that on your own? Why has nobody helped you?

Daffodil92 · 09/06/2023 13:00

LadyJ2023 · 09/06/2023 12:45

but it’s not a race to the bottom? It’s shit you’ve had to deal with this but doesn’t mean the OPs parents shouldn’t offer to help. If I were your mum I’d have been there in a heartbeat looking after you all 💐

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