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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick and have 18m old alone for the weekend.

93 replies

NatMoz · 09/06/2023 10:47

I'm really ill, struggling to get out of bed ill.

My husband is going to his dad's stag do this weekend, he is also provided all camping equipment for his brother (tent, sleeping bag etc) as he lives abroad. He has suggested to not go but it would mean letting people down and i would feel very guilty about this. It is 3 hours away. My parents have no plans this weekend and they always told me that they would help in emergencies.

My mum has this story about how she was very ill and had to look after 2 children as my grandma (dad's mum) refused to help and how awful it was being sick and in that position.

I spoke to my parents and they are refusing to help me this weekend to look after my daughter as they don't want to get sick (ok fair enough) but i reminded my mum about her tale and she said 'well that was 2 children and you have a husband' (my mum has been married to my dad nearly 40 years so she was not husbandless either!).

Not sure how rational people in AIBU are but give me your thoughts.

I don't think i will get help this weekend and my mum practically laughed at me.

OP posts:
HoneybeesAndBluebells · 09/06/2023 13:07

I would help even with a sick bug but perhaps while wearing a face cover to limit exposure.
We are lucky to have grandparents on both sides who offered to take our ds overnight once when we were both struck down with norovirus at the same time. It was awful but we were literally incapable of looking after him and barely could look after ourselves.
Granted thats a rare scenario and usually it's just a horrible cold..recently I had to sit my ds in front of the TV all day (while he moaned and begged me to play with him) because I was ill with tonsilitis.
Could you pay for a childminder to take them (assuming they are not unwell)?

GreenEyeGopher · 09/06/2023 14:01

explain to DC that you feel unwell and that you need to snuggle on sofa with books/ telly. No harm in trying to help her understand that adults are not super humans

Hahaha, you have parented an 18mo before, right?

shimmeringspice · 09/06/2023 14:09

LadyJ2023 · 09/06/2023 12:45

I'm so sorry your feeling bad but you have to plough on its what we do. I've just spent the last 2 weeks with twin 1 year olds and my 2 yr old all sick night and day and then I was ill half of that also. There currently now on antibiotics as all 3 got diagnosed with a chest infection 2 days ago and I'm on antibiotics for an ear and chest so ye it's fun feel like crawling under a hedge but we just chugging along right now

Medal? Trophy? Standing ovation?

OP, your parents are being a bit shitty in this situation. Hope you get well soon.

Gettingbysomehow · 09/06/2023 14:13

It depends what's wrong with you really. If you have a cold then its not too bad, if it was actual flu or covid or an attack of gallstones then not so much.
I was a single mum and remember having pneumonia and nobody in the world to help me out. It was dire. I thought I'd have to have him put in care for a few weeks, luckily it didn't come to that but it was very frightening.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/06/2023 14:28

I think if you can post on here, then you'll survive without your mums help.

IfYouDontAsk · 09/06/2023 14:37

Ah poor you, it’s really crap being ill when you have to look after young kids. If your parents won’t actually help with your daughter would they drop round some ready meals and fruit? Plus a sticker book or two for your daughter if money isn’t too tight?

do you have any outdoor space? If you can give her a tub of water and a paintbrush she’ll probably have lots of fun ‘painting’ with some water.

REALLY tough but just do whatever you can to get by this weekend. I remember having really bad morning sickness and giving my one year old a bag of flour that I just let him open in the garden and throw around everywhere 😳 it made a total mess but did occupy him for a good long while.

Gh12345 · 09/06/2023 14:40

I had covid quite bad seemed to have every symptom on the books and my husband went on a stag do. Leaving me home with 2 under 2. My parents didn’t want to catch covid so I was housebound and my kids had it too. It was easily the hardest days of my life that weekend. So I feel your pain OP!

Slitheringheights · 09/06/2023 14:54

My children are a lot older, still primary school. I was sick on Wednesday, couldn’t even get out of bed, it was horrible. Was sick of work Wednesday and Thursday. I didn’t even have the energy to take the kids to school for one day. Luckily they can look after themselves just about. I didn’t want to bother anyone or pass it on. Hopefully you can lie on the couch for the day, while your child plays nearby. Suppose it’s all part of parenthood.

parrotonthesofa · 09/06/2023 15:02

Surprised by these responses. I know my mum would have come to help me in a flash, sickness bug or not and I'd do the same for my daughter.
I'm sorry you're ill OP. When is your husband due to leave? You might feel better soon? Sickness bugs can get better reasonably quickly.

Willyoujustbequiet · 09/06/2023 15:16

I hope you feel better soon

You have the luxury of a partner. He can decide to not go. Otherwise I'm afraid you suck it up - single mums have to year in year out

Mariposista · 09/06/2023 15:18

parrotonthesofa · 09/06/2023 15:02

Surprised by these responses. I know my mum would have come to help me in a flash, sickness bug or not and I'd do the same for my daughter.
I'm sorry you're ill OP. When is your husband due to leave? You might feel better soon? Sickness bugs can get better reasonably quickly.

Totally agree with this. Very precious. My gran always cared for me when sick. My mum and PIL are the same. They would never leave us stranded because of themselves.

GreenEyeGopher · 09/06/2023 15:45

Honestly this is depends so much on the circumstances. If you parents are 80 and clinically vulnerable then fair enough. If they’re 50 and in rude health then it’s a bit mean spirited of them not offer your to look after your toddler for a bit whilst you’re really poorly.

If you’re drifting in an out of a delirious state then you’re not safe to look after your child. If you’ve just got a bad cold then you can power through.

SophieinParis · 09/06/2023 20:47

GreenEyeGopher · 09/06/2023 14:01

explain to DC that you feel unwell and that you need to snuggle on sofa with books/ telly. No harm in trying to help her understand that adults are not super humans

Hahaha, you have parented an 18mo before, right?

I know! 😂 If I said that to my 18month old he’d probably bop me in the eye and blow a raspberry before chucking his cup at me. The he might say “look dog”

Floralnomad · 09/06/2023 20:52

YABU, expecting help from your parents when you have a fully functioning partner who is off on a jolly .

carly2803 · 09/06/2023 22:17

single parent here; worst time I was sick with smallest being 3, i was vommiting and had diarrhoea at the same time with a little human shouting" mummy i need drink".

i felt sick, dizzy and could not even keep water down.

You just manage because you have too.. BUT you have a husband. He should be staying home really before you ask your mum to help.

Slob on the sofa, throw stickers and biscuits at little one, just survive if you need to

ilovemyspace · 09/06/2023 22:25

''@NatMoz He has suggested to not go but it would mean letting people down

but why would you not let him stay?? We've all had to 'power through' when there's no alternative - you have an alternative and you're prioritising other people over yourself and your children,
That's fair enough if you want to be a martyr, but don't blame your mum for not prioritising your needs when you refuse your husband's offer

PurposefulBear · 09/06/2023 22:29

This is simple.

YANBU for asking.

They Are NBU for saying no.

They are BVVVU for making you feel shit about it. I mean…. Who died that?

PurposefulBear · 09/06/2023 22:29

Does not died.

Youdoyoubabe · 09/06/2023 22:33

Just stick Peppa Pig on repeat and lie on the floor with the kid.Horrid, but you won’t feel any worse than you do already.

PetitPorpoise · 09/06/2023 22:35

I feel for you OP. I'd like to think that I wouldn't leave my daughter in that position.

Thankfully my kids love TV so I could cope through embracing that. All the annoying shite I normally avoid : Cocomelon etc. Both of mine loved Thomas The Tank movies at that age and they're not too offensive to adult sensibilities either. Maybe you can find something that she will like.

Good luck OP.

Irked · 09/06/2023 22:45

I don't think it is fair to ask your parents to risk getting I'll too. As a previous poster said, thousands of single parents do this regularly and don't have much choice other than to get on with it.

Can you sit in the garden and give your little one some chalks to play with or put a big bucket of water and a little watering can out and get her to water the flowers.

unicornjewels · 09/06/2023 22:47

I feel for you. You don't get sick days as a parent 😩
Would your parents consider taking your DC for a walk in the buggy for an hour just to give you an hour to sleep?
My DF has done this for me when I've had covid etc. I just have DC ready in the buggy and hand them over outside the front door. No one has to have any contact with anyone then, not even your DP and DC really.
Hope you're feeling better soon!

PriOn1 · 09/06/2023 22:52

Unless he’s already had it, your husband is at risk of getting it. Yet you’re proposing that he goes off and mixes with a load of people while you bring your parents in, thus putting them at risk too?

Doesn’t sound like the best plan to me.

Ontheperiphery79 · 09/06/2023 22:57

Your OH has offered to stay. That would be the right thing to do, as you have a child young enough to need an adult around who isn't really ill.

You'd feel guilty about your OH letting people down, but you're feeling let down because your parents don't want to get ill, either?!

Yes, you're being unreasonable.

Desmondo2021 · 09/06/2023 23:06

I'd help my daughter if she had a flu bug but I wouldn't deliberately go near a sickness bug. And also if it's a sickness bug there's a good chance your husband will end up with it in his tent which doesn't bear thinking about so... If it's sickness, husband should stay home if you're too ill to look after the kid. If it's not sickness then your mum isn't being very helpful but you're kinda stuck with it so you either ask him to stay or you just suck it up and get him to leave a ton of ready meals and snacks in the house and set up camp in the lounge for the weekend.