Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Joking about accident

46 replies

prepastarous · 09/06/2023 10:33

DH had an accident at work this week and while he was at hospital being checked over, he fell and now has a black eye and a cut on his face. It's been quite stressful for us but he's home recuperating now.

Everybody that we've seen since - without exception - has looked at him and said that 'jokey' response 'oi, what's prepastarous done to you then?'

I've responded with a weak smile and a quiet laugh but AIBU to be pissed off that's the default reaction?

Why is absolutely everyone incapable of just saying 'that sounds quite stressful for you all and I'm sorry that's happened to you'??

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 09/06/2023 10:35

I really dislike ' bantz ' like this. It kind of minimizes the situation I think when any kind of accident is scary and painful and not very pleasant. Yet people from its fair game to make comments or think it's funny
That can do one
Hope your Dh is better soon

Leftcoilingsnail · 09/06/2023 10:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

parliamoglesga · 09/06/2023 10:36

YABU just a little bit though.

people don’t want to pry and get too involved.

the80sweregreat · 09/06/2023 10:40

I know people who are totally uninterested in anything bad happening to you or yours , but when anything goes wrong for them it's a complete drama and your all meant to be sympathetic and supportive.
People can be odd sometimes

deathbyhayfever · 09/06/2023 10:40

the lack of originality is tedious, but you are being unreasonable to expect people to commiserate about the stress of a black eye.

Either just shrug it off or explain about the serious accident at work.

the80sweregreat · 09/06/2023 10:49

Maybe I'm the sensitive type, but if anyone has an accident I am immediately feeling their pain.
Unless it's a scratch or a small bruise , but eyes are tender places and anything on your face just feels worse I think , especially as everyone can see it and it's something you can cover up.
People tell me I'm an ' empath '.
Obviously many are not though and find it amusing :(

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/06/2023 11:12

Maybe it's just me, but I don't really see a black eye and a minor cut to the face as something to be overly stressed over.

Obviously it's not nice but I wouldn't expect someone to commiserate with me about it 😳

I also don't think anyone was seriously suggesting you'd beaten him up - it's just a slightly stupid way to try and make light of the situation. Of course you're not obliged to find it funny though.

CaloundraBlues · 09/06/2023 11:15

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/06/2023 11:12

Maybe it's just me, but I don't really see a black eye and a minor cut to the face as something to be overly stressed over.

Obviously it's not nice but I wouldn't expect someone to commiserate with me about it 😳

I also don't think anyone was seriously suggesting you'd beaten him up - it's just a slightly stupid way to try and make light of the situation. Of course you're not obliged to find it funny though.

I think OP meant that the accident he had at work was stressful, he got the black eye and cut whilst he was in the hospital being treated after the accident

CaloundraBlues · 09/06/2023 11:16

But I agree, it's a dick thing to say. Would they have said it if you'd had the black eye and cut face...wonder be quite as 'funny' then would it?

CaloundraBlues · 09/06/2023 11:17

Wouldn't, not wonder

AmyDudley · 09/06/2023 11:25

Maybe it's just me, but I don't really see a black eye and a minor cut to the face as something to be overly stressed over.

OP said her DH got the black eye at the hospital when he was being checked over after having an accident at work. I imagine it is the accident at work that has made them stressed, not the black eye, and people joking about his black eye are ignoring and minimising the stress of his work accident.
For some reason people always want to comment on a black eye as if it is hilarious, it gets pretty tedious when twenty people ask if you've been in a fight. (my niece who has frequent black eyes, replies quite bluntly 'no I had a seizure and smashed my faced on the pavement when I fell' - usually shuts up the 'bantz' twats)

Hoppinggreen · 09/06/2023 11:27

I had a black eye once (over enthusiastic dog) and someone actually dared to “joke” that I had got DH tea on the table late.
I don’t think they will ever do it again

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/06/2023 11:29

I think OP meant that the accident he had at work was stressful, he got the black eye and cut whilst he was in the hospital being treated after the accident

Yes, I understand that.

But as OP hasn't mentioned any other injuries, I'm assuming her DH is otherwise okay and so people don't really see the need to fuss about it.

deathbyhayfever · 09/06/2023 11:30

CaloundraBlues · 09/06/2023 11:16

But I agree, it's a dick thing to say. Would they have said it if you'd had the black eye and cut face...wonder be quite as 'funny' then would it?

I don't know. I had a couple of black eyes, jokes were made about my husband. I didn't roll on the floor laughing or splurt my tea in hilarity, but didn't feel the need to be offended either.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/06/2023 11:31

CaloundraBlues · 09/06/2023 11:16

But I agree, it's a dick thing to say. Would they have said it if you'd had the black eye and cut face...wonder be quite as 'funny' then would it?

I suspect they probably would say the same thing - some people just have a dark sense of humour.

PleasantOwl · 09/06/2023 11:31

The lack of originality is boring but other than that, I’d rather people react like this if I’m injured or ill. I can’t do with all the pity and the fuss, I’d rather just make light of it, have a (forced) laugh and press on. I appreciate everyone is different though.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 09/06/2023 11:32

YABU and oversensitive. It’s a joke, unclench.

Original poster
prepastarous · 09/06/2023 11:44

Sorry, yes, I do mean that I was stressed about him being in the hospital - he was kept in overnight - and how the DCs reacted to that. It's just been a bit of a week as a result and whilst I'm not that bothered by his black eye, I could just do without having to join in on a joke that I've given it to him.

OP posts:
Lidlpopdrinker · 09/06/2023 11:49

Domestic violence isn’t funny, not even as a joke when it couldn’t possibly be true, so YANBU. I hope your DH makes a full recovery very soon.

JenniferBarkley · 09/06/2023 11:54

They're giving you an out. Can't ignore someone showing up with something as obvious as a black eye, so they're giving you the option to keep it light rather than prying.

deathbyhayfever · 09/06/2023 11:58

JenniferBarkley · 09/06/2023 11:54

They're giving you an out. Can't ignore someone showing up with something as obvious as a black eye, so they're giving you the option to keep it light rather than prying.

what a lovely way to put it.

CovertImage · 09/06/2023 12:00

People tell me I'm an ' empath '

Yeah, course they do

JenniferBarkley · 09/06/2023 12:01

CovertImage · 09/06/2023 12:00

People tell me I'm an ' empath '

Yeah, course they do

Grin
Freeballing · 09/06/2023 12:04

I think in general people just keep things light. If he is ok now it seems a bit, I don't know, dramatic maybe, to be all oh my goodness that must have been so stressful and difficult for you. When all is said and done it was just an overnight stay in the hospital and everything is fine now, no harm done type of thing.

Some people don't really like loads of attention about things either, when I was really ill with sepsis and got out of the hospital I just made it all lighthearted and jokes because pity makes me uncomfortable so I would probably have made some lighthearted remarks in this situation too rather than gone full on poor you.

drpet49 · 09/06/2023 12:06

deathbyhayfever · 09/06/2023 10:40

the lack of originality is tedious, but you are being unreasonable to expect people to commiserate about the stress of a black eye.

Either just shrug it off or explain about the serious accident at work.

This. It is a black eye for heavens sake. Get a grip.

Swipe left for the next trending thread