To think my boyfriend is going off me?

[popgoesthehedgehog]

My boyfriend of a year has always been really affectionate, loving and very openly attracted to me.

Recently he’s been under a lot of stress, taking up a new role at work, squeezing everything alongside that and his other commitments. He doesn’t get much downtime. He also suffers from sleep apnea so is always tired.

We’ve always had sex frequently but recently becoming less so - we are always falling asleep by the evening and he’s way too tired in the morning and struggles to wake up.

He’s always complimented me for example if I’m getting changed in front of him he will go “ooh” or if I’m wearing a nice outfit he would comment. He hasn’t been doing that as much recently as he says he’s often distracted, busy or tired.

I have communicated this with him and he said “I’m so sorry, I am just so sidetracked and concentrating on other things, I really do think you’re so attractive and that hasn’t changed”. He also apologised as he doesn’t deal with stress very well.

Yesterday I got upset as I was wearing a really nice revealing top which I know he loves. We got halfway through the evening and he hadn’t said anything. I said “do you like the top?” And he said “yes of course, sorry I’m just concentrating on crossing the road”. I rolled my eyes and said there’s always an excuse, and asked more. He then said I’m “fishing” and I got really upset.

Same with this morning, wore a really nice blouse to work and he said nothing. So I asked him if I liked it and he said “yes”.

He’s now saying I “really need to let it happen naturally and stop asking/forcing it” and “you have got to be more understanding when I’m busy or have other things on my mind”. Also I have to trust him when he says he still thinks that of me.

Am I being dramatic here?

I don't think he's the one who needs to see a doctor. I think you need some sort of therapy to establish why you demand constant attention and compliments as it isn't normal. It's all about you.

I'm not sure you're being 'dramatic' but you are being needy and selfish. It's not usual to expect compliments all the time particularly with regards to your looks. It's abnormal to demand them. He knows what you look like and yes, there are probably certain outfits that are physically/sexually attractive but atm sex isn't his priority. Its not about you.

Don't ever get pregnant....or ill, or old if these type of comments are so important to you.

I guess, it’s just hard because he just seems off in general even if he’s not stressed

Many people have already told you it isn't normal to be forced to compliment someone every day of the week. Therefore, if he has stopped doing it, he has likely seen sense and decided he shouldn't have to. That doesn't make him off, that makes him normal.

It's because you've turned it in to an issue now so making a compliment after being badgered about it feels awkward for him I'd guess. It certainly would for me anyway

When things change it's normal to feel insecure. I'd watch and wait, if he continues making you feel missed and isn't meeting your needs, deal with it then i.e give him a bit of grace for what he is faced with atm. I appreciate it's hard not to say something because you want your mind put at rest, but as you've raised it and he's not making you feel more secure, it seems he has no capacity for that at the moment.

Personally, I think if our partner alerts us to feelings of insecurity, it's important to discuss and make changes where feasible, but you've done that and he's giving you the brush off so I would leave it for now, and see if he improves. There is also an element that people don't want to be told how to behave, he might make some changes when he feels it's his choice to do so.

I want to leave you and we havent even met ! .
You sound self centred and needy .
He has told you that he is tired and stressed and all you seem concerned about is whether he likes your outfit .

The minute someone asks for a compliment, it's almost impossible to give them a genuine one because all you're doing is responding to their insecurities. It needs to be spontaneous, and I can just feel all too strongly how it could turn him off being asked for them all the time 🙈🙈

I agree with this. Some of us hate it when men seem to only care about sex and appearance and are paper thin people, surely it’s about being there for him at a really challenging time and how you can support each other and grow together in your relationship. It should be enough that you like a top yourself and are happy in your own skin. Are there some lovely things you can plan to do when it’s the weekend to spend some chilled out relaxing fun time together?

He's fast approaching 30 and he's broke.

Thats not a good long term partner prospect is it? That alone would have put me off. Where on earth did you meet him if he lives 1.45 hours away?