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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To like some acknowledgment that walking everywhere is bloody exhausting!

301 replies

squashedalmondcroissant · 09/06/2023 08:53

Not really an AIBU but I have PMT and need a little handhold (lighthearted 😂).

I don't drive but I am fortunate that I only live a 30 minute walk from work. This is also the main town centre so all the shops/facilities that I would need are there. If I need anything or want to do anything, this is where I need to go.

That's all fine but I would just like some sort of acknowledgment or recognition from the people in my life that walking everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) is really really tiring and hard work! The part of the country I live in is widely acknowledged as being not very good with public transport so virtually everyone has a car and drives everywhere even if they don't need to. So it's very hard to get people to comprehend that if I want to do an activity or get something I need to a) walk to and from the place and b) carry any equipment I need with me or carry it home with me. It's bloody hard work! I have a massive backpack that I carry everywhere in case I need something from the shop while I'm out.

I don't complain about this IRL as I know it's just the way things are but it's just hard sometimes when no one around me 'gets it'.

For example, yesterday I walked DDog for around an hour, then walked to work, walked around at work (job is fairly physical with almost the whole time on my feet and lots of lifting boxes), then walked home. Today will be much the same. Some days I'm exhausted before I even get to work!

Aibu to want just a tiny grain of recognition that this is hard?

OP posts:
StormInaDcup99 · 09/06/2023 11:43

KateyCuckoo · 09/06/2023 08:58

I assumed people who walked everywhere did it for the moral superiority anyway?

What a rude comment

CheshireCat1 · 09/06/2023 11:44

I understand exactly where you’re coming from, I’m physically unable to walk distances but still have to get to work, I can’t even get to the bus stop. Taxi fares are expensive but it’s the only way I can get to work. I did apply for access to work but the whole process was ridiculous and really stressful so I just give up.

OfficerPastiche · 09/06/2023 11:44

ShimmeringShirts · 09/06/2023 10:32

Idk, I’ve never needed someone to acknowledge walking is a lot of effort and I walk absolutely everywhere too. But then again I don’t want to drive so I don’t complain or ask for lifts either. It’d be weird for someone to turn around and randomly say “well done for choosing not to drive! Walking everywhere must be so exhausting”.

Also because you don't always 'need' to walk everywhere. Personally I can get everything in need without leaving the house. Sorted apart from work!

The OP is choosing to do a lot of unnecessary things like walking the dog and shops in dribs and drabs. And had a useless DP which is the main issue

Heronwatcher · 09/06/2023 11:53

Eh? What do you expect, a medal every time you get into town? I was in a similar position, I just accepted that I would get myself to places by other means, or just not go!

isitshe · 09/06/2023 11:55

Walking to get somewhere is boring as fuck.

tuttuguogfimm · 09/06/2023 11:59

KateyCuckoo · 09/06/2023 08:58

I assumed people who walked everywhere did it for the moral superiority anyway?

Sorry, failed to quote this post in my reply upthread.

Falafelfiend · 09/06/2023 12:01

isitshe · 09/06/2023 11:55

Walking to get somewhere is boring as fuck.

For you. I find going to the pub boring.

Lacucuracha · 09/06/2023 12:06

Unfortunately your OP just reinforces my perception that non-drivers feel entitled to sympathy and lifts from drivers.

No, you don't deserve any acknowledgement.

Andylion · 09/06/2023 12:06

DimplesToadfoot · 09/06/2023 09:14

Get rid of the backpack and get a shopping trolley, you don't need to be 90 to have one, I have to walk a lot too and my shopping trolly is the best thing ever

I have a wheeled bag that can also be used as a backpack. I love it!

TroysMammy · 09/06/2023 12:13

Get a shopping trolley on wheels so you don't have to carry spuds.

OfficerPastiche · 09/06/2023 12:15

Falafelfiend · 09/06/2023 12:01

For you. I find going to the pub boring.

Show quote history

I sort of get what PP means.
I love walking in pretty places, exercising etc where I can relax. But a 'necessity' walk requires me paying attention to where I'm going, along busy roads and concrete etc. Not enjoyable.

If I lived in a cute village I'd have no issues!

Pyewhacket · 09/06/2023 12:17

Greta would be proud of you.

SoftSheen · 09/06/2023 12:23

Get a bike, with saddlebags (or a cargo bike).

TUCKINGFYP0 · 09/06/2023 12:26

WinterDeWinter · 09/06/2023 10:08

I don't want to be harsh OP but - your DP is the problem.

He could do the shopping. I know you'll say he can't, but he could if he really wanted to. He could walk the dog after his shift.

OR He could give you lifts. He could sort out somewhere to put the bike. He could buy you a bike because it's necessary in order for both of you to have food.

How much of the domestic burden does he carry - not much, I don't think. And it sounds as though he is 'charging' you rent in the form of all this domestic labour. That's not right.

You might want to be with him because you love him. Why does he want to be with you though? Is it because life is much easier for him when he is?

This.

Are you paying towards his mortgage as well?

InSpainTheRain · 09/06/2023 12:30

Can you not get more stuff delivered? I rarely go to the shops as I order clothes, shoes, food, anything for the house online. On several sites if you take our a subscription to get free delivery/collections. Then it's just dog walks and the walk to work.

SpringleDingle · 09/06/2023 12:34

You can get a fabric cover for a bike and shove it in the garden!

NeverendingCircus · 09/06/2023 12:38

I know you're being lighthearted but YABU. I don't drive and I often think how tiring it must be to have to remember to fill up with petrol, check oil and water and tyre pressure and clean the car and give people lifts and find safe, reasonably-priced parking spaces and get MOTs sorted not to mention the actual driving - the sheer stress of roundabouts and slip roads and tossers who cut you up. Just chucking on my trainers and stepping out the door feels so much easier to me. And I bet you are slim from all the walking. Free gym!

lljkk · 09/06/2023 12:46

You used to walk 16 miles every day to get to work & back?

When we were carfree people used to pity us & assume it was a poverty thing, not a lifestyle (ecofreak) choice. Their assumptions amused me.

I dunno OP: cars are expensive. Just paying to park them somewhere is expensive. Once you own one it becomes tempting to use them for short journeys which encourages obesity & pollutes the air. There's a lot to be said about carfree advantages.

Kugela · 09/06/2023 12:49

I can sympathise with how tiring it is to walk everywhere, but I think there are many things you could do to make life a lot easier for yourself.

As pp have said, your DP needs to walk his own dog. You could pay for a regular taxi going one way to or from work (a daily booking would get a discount and be cheaper). You could look for a job that allows you to work from home. You could pay for a supermarket delivery pass which means you only make one payment for the year. You could move nearer to your work and only stay with DP for weekends, as he’s not there most of the time. You could buy a bike and store it in your hallway.

I’m disabled and would never choose to live somewhere without decent transport or shops nearby. It wouldn’t matter how much I liked a partner - my needs are more important!

TripleDaisySummer · 09/06/2023 12:54

But a 'necessity' walk requires me paying attention to where I'm going, along busy roads and concrete etc. Not enjoyable.

Some routes are better than others and times of year - Dec if dark and wet not much fun - though what I really hate is snow and ice more January/Feb because I can and do slip over.

It does feel worse when money is tight when delivery costs more but you are saving petrol and parking charges - though if DP drive perhaps you're not really seeing this.

Hfgvi · 09/06/2023 12:55

YABU, it’s your choice not to drive, you have had 20 years to learn if you’re nearly 40.
Fwiw my partner doesn’t drive, he lives in a town centre, walks to work and public transport takes him to local big towns and cities. He’s never asked for praise for it.

deathbyhayfever · 09/06/2023 12:56

But a 'necessity' walk requires me paying attention to where I'm going

sorry that really made me laugh. 😂

Purslanepurses · 09/06/2023 12:57

Lacucuracha · 09/06/2023 12:06

Unfortunately your OP just reinforces my perception that non-drivers feel entitled to sympathy and lifts from drivers.

No, you don't deserve any acknowledgement.

How lovely …

I drive my own car but gladly car share when I can…

LuvSmallDogs · 09/06/2023 12:58

I walk as my main mode of transport (lucky enough to be close to bus and train stations, but rarely use them) and it's not so bad. A good properly adjusted backpack shouldn't bother you even when full - I had a shit one and when I swapped to a decent one, the back pain I'd started to develop went overnight!

I'd rather walk everywhere than be one of those people who, when I say "Yeah, I walked to X" respond "what, all that way, I could never do it" because they're mentally chained to their car!

Shinyandnew1 · 09/06/2023 12:59

DP thinks DDog should have 2 walks a day instead of 1.

How many of these 14 walks a week does your DP do?

How many did he do before you moved in?

@squashedalmondcroissant

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