To like some acknowledgment that walking everywhere is bloody exhausting!

[squashedalmondcroissant]

Not really an AIBU but I have PMT and need a little handhold (lighthearted 😂).

I don't drive but I am fortunate that I only live a 30 minute walk from work. This is also the main town centre so all the shops/facilities that I would need are there. If I need anything or want to do anything, this is where I need to go.

That's all fine but I would just like some sort of acknowledgment or recognition from the people in my life that walking everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) is really really tiring and hard work! The part of the country I live in is widely acknowledged as being not very good with public transport so virtually everyone has a car and drives everywhere even if they don't need to. So it's very hard to get people to comprehend that if I want to do an activity or get something I need to a) walk to and from the place and b) carry any equipment I need with me or carry it home with me. It's bloody hard work! I have a massive backpack that I carry everywhere in case I need something from the shop while I'm out.

I don't complain about this IRL as I know it's just the way things are but it's just hard sometimes when no one around me 'gets it'.

For example, yesterday I walked DDog for around an hour, then walked to work, walked around at work (job is fairly physical with almost the whole time on my feet and lots of lifting boxes), then walked home. Today will be much the same. Some days I'm exhausted before I even get to work!

Aibu to want just a tiny grain of recognition that this is hard?

Understand it, don't see the need for recognition still, nor for sympathy- in terms of providing emotional outgiving there are more deserving and we all have only so much to give.

Purslanepurses
I don't think it's fair or reasonable to lump people who can't drive due to income, disability, old age etc in with the OP, who is an adult who chooses not to drive, chose to move in with a partner with little consideration of the transport issues, and then is choosing to do a range of things that make her life more difficult because her partner doesn't want to use his car to do it and they'd rather not use various services that would make life easier (eg ordering a supermarket delivery).

The OP's problem isn't really a walking issue, it's a partner issue and a planning issue.

Well if your time, energy and sympathy is so limited Maddening why not just scroll
past? It takes as much energy to state
that you have no sympathy as it does to express it!

Ah so can't engage in thread unless sympathetic- I have not been rude or nasty, just made a point, don't see how that results in being told to exclude myself from a debate, the op asked if she or he is unreasonable to ask for recognition - I think they are a bit tbh.

That’s why I used the words “if anything” Lolasmiles you are alluding to “lumping in” not me.

And op did start off by saying this thread was light-hearted. And that she wanted acknowledgement of the difficulties from people closest to her; not the whole of Mumsnet!

She’s working long hours and her dh is doing shift work. He does bring home heavy items when he can. She may not have the same degree of difficulty as others but her overall point about people saying “just nip to this place” without much understanding of the logistics involved when you don’t drive or have access to a car is a good one. I think so anyway!

But she DOES. Her DP drives!
I don't think people are annoyed at the OP as much as her useless DP. She hasn't mentioned anything about 'other people' but the examples she gives of shopping, walking the dog etc are all solvable. I don't know whether the compost was at work or somewhere else.
How did the poor helpless man manage before his woman in shining walking shoes appeared on the scene????

Also @Purslanepurses I have no idea how 'shift work' is relevant . If anything when I worked shifts my life was easier because I had all the time in the day to do my errands without needing rushing to the shops before they closed, or queue with the crowds at weekends.

It just sounds like you have PMT. You’ll be fine next week :)

Having just walked 2 hours around the middle of London picking things up I do sympathise, I think central Londoners do an awful lot of walking but having grown up somewhere with no transport, I do it’s not limiting like that.

Come bell or high water get a bike - if you have a back wall into any sort of yard (which I guess you do if you have a shed?), get your DP to put a circular bolt thing into the exterior wall you cab chain a bike to. I also think, if you are going to carry on living their you should explore jointly paying for driving lessons because it really is limiting.

Learn to drive, get a bike, maybe an electric one, get a scooter. No one forces you to walk everywhere so not sure which type of recognition you want to do something that if you don’t want to do, you really don’t have to!

Purslanepurses
I don't think the OP's post does highlight the difficulties of those who don't drive because they cannot and don't have access to a car though. We just disagree.

She does have access to her a car, just for some reason her DP can't do what lots of people do and do a food shop around his working hours, just like he apparently can't walk his dog.

I don't think anyone doubts that it's logistically more awkward not driving and doing some errands/attending things without access to ok public transport, but these awkward logistics in the OP's situation would be less of a big deal if she used some other options and wasn't propping up her DP's selective use of a car.

This is my reading. Op has had little money for a long time so she was living somewhere where she had to walk a lot. She had the opportunity to move in with a partner, which presumably improved her financial position (because she is expecting to be able to pay off debts and learn to drive). This makes it sound like she is not paying much in rent or towards mortgage (op has not answered questions about this). In exchange, dp is expecting her to take on all the schlepping around chores - waking dog and shopping etc.

This is a problem about financial power and the nature of op's relationship.

Erm, yeah, it's hard, but why on earth would anyone in RL acknowledge this and why would you want them to?
I don't drive and, thus walk everywhere with various chronic health conditions and it's exhausting, painful and difficult, especially with 2 young DC and zero family/friends to help.
But, I neither want nor need anyone else's validation or acknowledgment.
🤷🏼‍♀️

I walk everywhere but I don’t think many people really know or care. Why would they? Occasionally people joke about my step count if they notice I walk to work but that is about it. Walking the dog won’t get you sympathy. It is what you sign up for when you get a dog.

Like many others I’m going say get a bike! If you want to get serious about it a cargo bike, especially an e-bike would mean you could do all you shopping, carry around the dog -it’s almost like having a car.

Many are designed to live outside (like a motorbike), so if you have a drive it could live there, you just need something to lock it to.

Or a folding bike - I used to have a full sized folding bike that fitted in the under stairs cupboard. Or there are lots of smaller wheeled designs that fit baskets or panniers. If you’re not carrying it around a lot there’s no need to pay ££££ for a Brompton or something, there’s lots of much cheaper alternatives.

All you need is to coordinate shopping so your DP takes you or goes himself in the car every week. If you plan well, one big shop a week is fine (freezer for spare bread, etc). You then never have to carry food. Same for compost. Absolutely no need for you to carry it!

I lived in London and pre getting deliveries, one shop a week was fine.

Plan better.

London has excellent public transport compared to most other places in the country though

It is so unbelievably easy to get around London using public transport!

That's what I thought too.
I mean, if it was the other way around and a man wasn't paying rent people would be screaming cocklodger even if he did do a load of the housework. So I can see the point.
At the same time there's a balance, she's not th household servant and tasks should be allocated to those best suited. I'm sure she can do other things!
How can he not even time for a single big 'werkly shop'. Crazy.

Yes everyone has the extra cash for lessons, room for the stress of learning to drive and the money to buy/run a car after🤣

Genuinely puzzled by this. I've had 50 litre bags of compost delivered recently by Amazon (free, as I have Prime) and B&Q (delivery same as it would cost to get there & back by bus), so where do you live that you can't? Yes, supermarket delivery can result in a few missing items, but not always. Again, I choose slots with delivery fees equivalent to bus fare or less, and then I just pick up odd bits as and when needed.

Ok the other hand, weird working hours or not, surely there are times when your DP and you are together during shop opening times? Why can't he pick things up on his way home?

Yep-it’s expensive and stressful to learn, can be a hassle to consider parking/routes and is even more expensive as an ongoing cost. Driver don’t tend to need any acknowledgement about this though.

You must be so fit 🙌

You are AMAZING 🤩🤩🤩

Why ? Everybody walks to places; I walk miles everyday but I don’t whinge about it if it’s so tough get a fucking push bike!!