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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is hayfever really that bad?

113 replies

kungfudumpling · 08/06/2023 21:57

DH gets hayfever. Every year he's a mess for the whole of June. Constant complaining, loud nose blowing, groaning noises and takes three showers a day. As a non-sufferer, I find it really hard to be sympathetic. In fact I give him no sympathy because it irritates me that he makes such a big fuss about it, especially because it doesn't seem to stop him playing golf (ie deliberately spending 4 hours surrounded by the thing he's allergic to).

Is hayfever really as bad as he makes out? AIBU not to be nicer to him?

OP posts:

Wyndam · 08/06/2023 21:58

It's fucking awful.

NorthWestThree · 08/06/2023 21:59

It can be awful. My eyes itch and swell and my nose constantly on the verge of sneezing. Not fun.

Newrumpus · 08/06/2023 22:00

It totally depends. But it’s not fun.

BlueThursday · 08/06/2023 22:00

It can be awful yes but he’s doing himself no favours by golfing

Popsicle42 · 08/06/2023 22:00

Yes. It’s that awful. My partner has it and is generally not the kind of person to make a fuss. He finds it completely debilitating in June. We have to manage our lives to try and keep him indoors and in front of the air purifier as much as possible.

honeyytoast · 08/06/2023 22:01

It can be horrific, like bad chronic illness. A general sensation of needing to claw out the insides of your throat and nose with your hands, then fully submerge in a cold bath and never come out. It’s the constant physical irritation, itchiness inside and outside your body that gets me personally

xsquared · 08/06/2023 22:01

It may irritate you but I bet it irritates him a lot more to be suffering from itchy, watery, swollen eyes, chronically congested nose, ears popping when you try to blow your nose, sneezing, coughing.

By the way I don't suffer from it, but dd (15) does. Every year it gets worse and we have come back from the GP today with 3 different types of medication.

YABU and an unsympathetic partner. Just be glad you don't have hay fever yourself.

Newrumpus · 08/06/2023 22:02

I had it much worse as a teenager and I used to get really annoyed that it was seen as a comedy condition and a sign of weakness. Librarians always seemed to wear glasses and have hay fever in sitcoms at one point.

Moopsi · 08/06/2023 22:02

Mine is awful and I'm on the highest strength prescriptions meds. When it's bad my eyes itch like I have chicken pix inside them 24hrs a day and it's unbearable. I also can't breath out of my nose at all.

I get annoyed with DH as he sniffs constantly and its so annoying but he hasn't bothered going to the GP to get prescription meds.

Has your DH actually tried different medications?

Sparklesocks · 08/06/2023 22:03

it’s a scale like most things - some people get a light sniffle whereas others get eye infections. When it’s bad it can be debilitating.

Patty101 · 08/06/2023 22:04

Imagine getting a really bad cold, then knowing you're going to have it for anywhere from about 3-6 months. It's absolute shite. And repeat the following year. And repeat the following year. And again. And again.

StrongerThanYouTh1nk · 08/06/2023 22:04

My son has it and despite all medication, showers, precautions and whatnot he misses at least a week of school because it's THAT bad. He is quite literally ill with it when it's the worst time of the season.

Justgorgeous · 08/06/2023 22:04

It’s awful. I have been in tears today I could literally scratch my eyes out and I have sneezed continuously.

NotAMug · 08/06/2023 22:05

I have had days where I have woken up and my eyes were completely closed up where they are so swollen. It can be really awful for some people. Both my kids get it and also one of my dogs 🙄

LubaLuca · 08/06/2023 22:06

It can be terrible. I developed it as an adult, but it's manageable - itchy eyes, sneezing etc. A GP says it's likely I'm allergic to something that wasn't so common in the UK when I was a child, like rapeseed.

Yarnysaura · 08/06/2023 22:06

It's a continuum from mild to severe.

Off-meds mine means I can't see, can't breathe, and get hives. Not fun. AHs, combined steroid/AH nasal spray, eye drops and asthma inhalers make it bearable in the worst months.

padsi1975 · 08/06/2023 22:06

I find it absolutely awful. I had a terrible sore throat for 4 weeks straight this year which ran right up into my ears, runny nose, wanted to claw my eyes out from the burning pain AND general exhaustion. It's a miserable miserable condition. I'm only allergic to tree pollen so I'm better now, I don't know how grass pollen sufferers face the summer.

Panteranoir · 08/06/2023 22:07

It's fucking horrific.

Mine is now under control but I spent over 20 years of summers indoors.

The itchy skin, eyes, ears. The sneezing. The blocked sinuses, the headache from the sinuses. Not being able to taste anything. The cracked tongue and sore throat from sleeping with my mouth open. The cracked lips. The exhaustion from only sleeping a few hours at a time.

Proper hayfever is incredibly debilitating. Yes I'm sure it must seem weird to you that he has the temerity to spend a few hours outside. My hayfever used to kick in during March and not clear until early October. As much as I tried to stay in, I did have to go to the occasional bbq etc and would pay dearly for it. I did end up with a vitamin D deficiency so it's not the worst thing if he can bear a few hours outside.

I can't believe you have so little sympathy for someone you are supposed to love when they are suffering.

lolosandals · 08/06/2023 22:07

It’s dreadful.

unambiguousbeard · 08/06/2023 22:07

I’d call it a chronic illness. From February to about November. Headaches, body aches, fatigue, wheezing, depression, brain fog, itchy eyes, itchy face. That’s using 2 anti-histamines, a nasal spray. Having a nasal rinse every time I come into the house plus face in cold water. Totally debilitating. You have no idea.

Decafflatteplease · 08/06/2023 22:07

I think I need to see a GP about mine...what can they do?

Already take antihistamines but you can only have one a day.

I've been crying with it most of this week, just feel so awful. Headache, scratchy throat, nose streaming, eyes so sore I can't wear my contacts.

The strange thing is though I never got it until about 5 years ago but now it seems to get worse every year 🤔

RoxyMuzak · 08/06/2023 22:08

I have asthma, and hay fever can affect me very badly.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 08/06/2023 22:08

It can be very miserable. What does he do apart from showering to relieve his symptoms?

ds is taking eye drops a nasal spray and daily tablets. He showers twice a day. We dry all of his clothes inside and not in the garden on the washing line. His pillow case is changed daily.

if he’s doing everything that he can and willing to suffer the consequences of playing golf then fair enough, but there are lots of very effective treatments that you can get free from pharmacies (on the minor ailment scheme) so he needs to make sure that he’s doing everything that he can to help himself before grumbling.

Tailfeather · 08/06/2023 22:08

I feel like I have a constant bad cold.

PickleThePenguin · 08/06/2023 22:09

I find it really challenging. Itchy, sneezy, dribbly discomfort. Constant planning that you have the right medicine, equipment or that you can't go somewhere or do something. I have to change how I can get ready and what I wear.

I wouldn't be popping out to the grassy golf course if I were him but can understand how hard it is to miss out because you can't do the same things as everyone else. Sometimes I don't want to sit inside while everyone else has a picnic, so I go outside and then suffer.

It sucks.

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