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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to use a holiday club when I don't need to?

126 replies

6weeksummer · 07/06/2023 18:02

My DS is coming toward the end of his first year in reception. He's 4 at the moment. Turning 5 soon.

He's just gone back to school after a half term. I love him to pieces but the thought of being with him 8am - 6pm Monday to Friday with no break for six weeks scares the hell out of me. I just can't cope. He can be a handful. But I also have MH issues which makes it harder for me.

By 10am during half term week I was ready to call DH home from work and walk out. I was exhausted mentally.

Considering booking DS into a holiday club two days a week every week during the summer holidays. Perhaps even three days a week alternating two days a week.

He doesn't like sport and is very shy but I've found a club that does activities I think he'll really enjoy and hope will benefit him as well as giving me a break.

I just feel bad about it. Also worry that I'm potentially taking a space away from a working parent who needs it for childcare.

So AIBU to book him in?

OP posts:
Opaque11 · 07/06/2023 18:42

I'm a sahm and I use holiday clubs because I need a
Break from my kids! Perfectly normal to feel and admit that. I cannot stand being spoken at the entire day and need down time so we are using a holiday club 2/3 a week. Why would I feel bad?? I have a break and my dc have a fun day out doing activities they enjoy.

CombatBarbie · 07/06/2023 18:45

As long as your not in an area where summer clubs are at a premium then yanbu.... My kids asked to go instead of going to grandparents etc when they were younger.

GoodChat · 07/06/2023 18:46

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 07/06/2023 18:40

🙄 not sure what halycon days of stay at home mothering you are imagining in 1993

Think it was the 1950s calling to Throwncrumbs. I went to holiday club in the 1970s.

I'm pretty sure holiday clubs were much more accessible back then too - much more inclusive and definitely cheaper!

rookiemere · 07/06/2023 18:47

If you're paying for the place, you're totally entitled to use it.

DS missed out on the best summer camp because spaces opened by phone at 8am on a Monday so only the SAHMs were able to access it.

I think your question might be more will DS enjoy it and for that I think you just need him to try it and see.
If he's not happy there then you would be unreasonable to keep sending him and should visit your doctor instead for some mental health support.

originalglazedsingle · 07/06/2023 18:51

You are looking at it the wrong way.

Is it wrong to send your child to a club where he will be playing with children his age, be offered a lot of activities and have fun days while practicing his social and independence skills to be ready for school? Why would it be wrong.

I honestly loved having my kids around, but it was always chores first thing in the morning (they have to be done at some point) then out for the rest of the day. I would go crazy stuck home all day, even on my own, but children are so much easier to entertain when you are out and about.

BlueThursday · 07/06/2023 18:53

This reply has been deleted

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I went to my Nana’s where we did nothing but watch Murder she Wrote with her

Throwncrumbs · 07/06/2023 18:57

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 07/06/2023 18:34

I'm 34 and I definitely went to holiday club and after school club Hmm

I also had a regular babysitter and a childminder.

It's hardly a new thing Grin

Show quote history

Oh maybe it was just me then that wanted to spend time with my children, despite working full time night shifts!

Needmorelego · 07/06/2023 18:58

Most holiday clubs (or “camps”) are activity based - ie a drama camp, sports camp, stem camp. They are more about giving children something to “do” than being childcare. @6weeksummer if you send your child you won’t be taking the place of someone who “needs” it because they are for all children. They aren’t a childcare facility.
Have a look though if there are any community play schemes because they might be better for his age (often these are run by Children’s Centres, churches, at the local library etc).
Also during the holidays libraries and museums will have lots of events and activities to go to. You will probably have to attend too but it gets you out of the house and the parents don’t always have to join in - you just leave it to the activity leader while you sit and have a coffee and chat with other parents or read a book or whatever.

lanthanum · 07/06/2023 19:02

Keep an eye out for the sort of holiday clubs which aren't all day, if you're worried about leaving space for those who need the childcare. (I was quite surprised when I saw holiday activities that ran 10-3, which isn't so useful for most for childcare, but I then realised that they're a godsend for grandparents in particular, who might not cope with the full day but could do the wraparound.)

Starsandrain · 07/06/2023 19:02

Absolutely do it. Sounds like it will be beneficial for both of you! I’ve done it with one of mine because her friends were goi no and she wanted to do the activities on offer. I wasn’t working but booked her a spot as she wanted to go. She was active, in the fresh air and with her friends. Do it.

Ragwort · 07/06/2023 19:04

I used to send my (only) child to holiday camps, he loved it, enjoyed being with other children and the opportunity to get involved in different activities. I didn't feel guilty about using up spaces needed by working DPs ... on more than one occasion he was the only child there ... and these were council run FREE clubs Confused.... he loved the attention from the Leaders Grin.

And holiday clubs did exist years ago ... my DM used to organise activity clubs in the early 1970s.

Mariposista · 07/06/2023 19:07

Do it OP. You sound bored and frustrated and don't blame you. I'd be looking into getting work too tbh.

gartop · 07/06/2023 19:08

I have a dd1 in reception and I'll be putting her into some holiday clubs, I'm a sahm but there are some great activity clubs around here so I want her to have the chance to develop skills she wouldn't have time to learn during term. Plus some of her friends from school will be going, so it's a nice way for them to mix (she wouldn't otherwise be able to play with them because their parents need to put them into clubs for childcare).

I don't see it as something that should be "needed", just for childcare but it's a way to keep dc occupied with fun activities. Loads of parents around here have a nanny who takes them to holiday clubs even though the nanny is obviously providing childcare (often with younger siblings so still paying for full time care).

For us I think it's better to book dd in for mornings only rather than a few full days, as I'm happy spending time with her and it's a good balance for her to do a guided activity for a few hours, then free play with me and younger sibling at soft play or playgrounds in the afternoon. And it's better I think to book her in for the duration of a camp (the ones that run for a week at a time) as she'll make friends over the course of that week, and it wouldn't work to just do a couple of days.

PeppermintPorpoise · 07/06/2023 19:09

Do it. Its fun for him and a rest for you. You do need to make and have accomodations in your life for your MH problems too and this is one. I would talk to your GP about this tiredness though, I know mental health problems can cause exhaustion but never hurts to get checked out just in case your thyroid is off or something.

Cucumbersandwich75 · 07/06/2023 19:10

Don’t feel bad or give it a second thought, my children loved after school club and holiday club, I used to feel guilty but they said they got to see all their friends and had lots to do. When I retired I did a couple of days during half term at the club, the number of children that cried or told their parents to come back later to collect them. They had great fun. If you’ve got a good leader running the club you can sit at home relaxed knowing your kiddies are in good hands.

StillWantingADog · 07/06/2023 19:11

If you can afford it then totally

I used to do this with mine and they loved it. Sadly now older they refuse to go.

Withnailandeye · 07/06/2023 19:14

Beginningless · 07/06/2023 18:21

I do this and tbh it wouldn’t occur to me that I was taking space from a ‘working’ parent. I am working, fucking hard thanks, and need it too.

Not the point of this thread but you do realise that working parents are also well versed in looking after their own children so can actually draw their own comparisons, right?

OP you need to put him in for your own MH but I would seek some help if your meds are making you feel so exhausted.

BigCheekBitch · 07/06/2023 19:14

Do it do it do it

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/06/2023 19:15

It sounds like a need too, even if it's a want I don't think it's just working parents who are entitled to use holiday clubs.

BigCheekBitch · 07/06/2023 19:18

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They coped by farming them off out of the house for hours at a time. Sitting them outside pubs. Ignoring them a lot of the day and not caring about their child's needs.

Modern day standards are extreme on parents. Also the OP has written about their exhaustion/mental health difficulties so it is even more of a reason not to give such a rubbish response.

suburbophobe · 07/06/2023 19:18

He doesn't like sport and is very shy but I've found a club that does activities I think he'll really enjoy and hope will benefit him as well as giving me a break.

Do it. You will both benefit.

You need a break - I'm a solo mum too - and he will come out of "his cocoon" mixing with other kids.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/06/2023 19:19

Of course it’s fine if you can afford it. Why not?

If you’ve found one with activities he’ll like, then great.

I have teacher friends who use them even though they are off work, just because it gives their dc something to do (friend I’m thinking of has sociable kids who like to be in a “pack”’of kids)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/06/2023 19:20

I’m a working parent (single parent, full time) and I wouldn’t think you have any less right to a place than anyone else.

If you get yourself organised to book in good time and others don’t it’s their look out.

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 07/06/2023 19:21

No one is more entitled to a holiday club more than the other. both are paying so if you get a space over a working parent that’s their problem for not booking earlier.
he will probably enjoy the interaction with other kids a few days a few too!

mondaytosunday · 07/06/2023 19:23

Holiday camps aren't just childminders for working parents, they are great activities for kids!
I was a stay at home parent and they went every year - two weeks activities, mix of sport and craft. One was run by our school, but they also went to one run by the YMCA and another which was art based (loved that one).
The kids were busy, outside half the the time, discovered new things and basically had a pretty good time. I don't remember any reluctance in going.

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