School bully awarded prize for respect & determination

[cobicat]

A child at my DS's school has just won an award (nominated by staff members) for being a role model. This child is in my dc's year and has literally been a bully since primary school, routinely sneering at and mocking other kids etc.

DS says that the subject teachers often fawn over them because they are in a 'popular' clique and quite charismatic in class.

I remember something similar happening at my younger dd's school. Neither of my dcs were personally bullied by these bullies, but they witnessed them frequently targeting others. I think it sends an uncomfortable message to victims when children like this are celebrated.

AIBU to think that this isn't uncommon and that many schools seem oblivious to what is really going on?

How much do you actually know about this child’s behaviour? Given your children are neither his friend or have been bullied by him? Maybe the school teacher know him better, and have perceived something they want to reward?

I know sometimes even children with challenging behaviour get praised, because even those with the worse behaviour still have things they do well at and praise is often used as encouragement or recognition of their more positive behaviour.

Yeah it happened at my kids school too. The class “problem child” (let’s call him Damian). Used to constantly disrupt the class, throw chairs around, rip up other people’s work and attack other kids.

He was constantly up for awards at the end of term - including the role model award. The teachers loved him, often said he was a “character”.

He’s in prison now so alls well that ends well.

I think that the schools know but they think that awards for kids who behave like this has an effect on their behaviour.

How much do you actually know about this child’s behaviour? Given your children are neither his friend or have been bullied by him? Maybe the school teacher know him better, and have perceived something they want to reward?

To be honest, I've never met the child, I only know what dc has told me over the years about them being a bully. I think it's slightly different to naughty primary school kids getting 'star of the week' to promote better behaviour, I think it's a case of the teachers genuinely finding this child charming & not realising how they treat some other students.

Child with significant behavioural needs that weren't supported ends up in prison. Great!

Ha! See OP these awards and stuff don't really matter at the end of the day. It is tough and it upsets the kids but look at the bigger picture.

Teach your child to channel their sense of injustice

I do understand the frustration. I think we all know through our own childhood and our children’s, of people who were unkind but somehow managed to do well. However again why do you think your children’s perception of the situation is more accurate than that of the teachers?

The teachers may well have developed a strategy to manage this child which involves them building a good relationship with him, giving praise when there is something to praise etc. to a child this may well look like favouritism but in reality it could be a planned strategy to work with him?

Wonder if you’d be quite so sympathetic if
a) it was your child he stabbed with a broken ruler
b) it was your child who got hit in the face with a flying chair
c) it was your child he head butted at the age of 10
d) it was your daughter he beat up and threatened to kill at the age of 17
e) it was your husband who got called a “pa**i cunt” for trying to stop him beating up another girl

But yeah, poor lad 🙄 he’s where he belongs. Horrible piece of shit he is.

My grandson has been bullied since grade 2. Last week the bully punched him in the face. The school’s reaction was “well he said he was sorry. Stay away from him.” It’s so frustrating. They are both 12 now.

I agree a lot of the time teachers are unaware of what children are saying and doing out of ear shot/sight. Bullies are very good at being charming and personable when they want to be. I wish some teachers were better at reading between the lines. I don’t believe in rewarding children to improve poor behaviour. In my experience it just makes things worse and sends out the wrong message to everyone.

In an ideal world the kids who come back to school despite being bullied are the ones who should be applauded for resilience and strength.

My advice to parents of bullied children is enrol your child into self defence classes. Not necessarily to retaliate to violence ( although I wouldn't rule it out) but because it gives the Child confidence. My granddaughter was bullied and parents enrolled her into self defence and martial arts. Her confidence grew and now she isn't picked on anymore. Bullies usually pick on the quiet timid children, and give a wide berth to the more confident ones

DS says that the subject teachers often fawn over them because they are in a 'popular' clique and quite charismatic in class.

I wonder if he's fawned over out of fear that he could kick off rather than the popular clique thing?

Absolutely, this is so similar to a situation that caused my Dd to change schools. Angelic Year 9 girl, bright, sporty, pretty, school loves them. It beggars belief that some of these teachers are so lazy that they can't see past their perfect little act. I work in education and I can spot those entitled little nightmares a mile off.

Made me laugh! Very true.

Happened to me funnily enough, the girl who bullied me mercilessly for my entire time at high school was the absolute golden child of the school.

If I ever raised it it was always heavily implied I was making it all up, and nothing was ever done.

Unfortunately life's not fair sometimes and schools can be horribly oblivious to bad behaviour, or wilfully ignorant of bullying. Perhaps an unfortunate life lesson for your children that sometimes good things happen to bad people.

absolutely. Support for children being bullied is nowhere near good enough at most schools. It’s not either/or though. Schools have to support all the children on their role.

Or maybe no behavioural needs except being an unpleasant individual

Yes. Many bullies are charismatic, and even as children have an incredible capacity to manipulate adults around them.

When DD left Y7 the boy that won the overall year prize had been threatened with suspension a few weeks before. DD called it the “well done for not hitting anyone for a week” award
I didn’t actually begrudge him it to be honest, poor kid didn’t have much else going for him

My god. I hope you aren't a teacher! Please that a child with obvious issues ended up in prison. Fuck me!

No you’ll be pleased to know I’m not a teacher, I couldn’t cope with the bleeding heart policy of it all.

You really think this is just your run of the mill 'naughty' behaviour?? JFC. What's up with people!

Absolutely seen it happen all over both in schools I attended and taught at. There seems to be some perception that giving these little felons privileges will somehow help them because they’re troubled little souls. No concept of how they’re pretty much losing the well behaved but quiet kids because they realise unless you’re the teachers favourite or a complete dickhead, you’ll never get noticed so why even try.