School bully awarded prize for respect & determination

[cobicat]

A child at my DS's school has just won an award (nominated by staff members) for being a role model. This child is in my dc's year and has literally been a bully since primary school, routinely sneering at and mocking other kids etc.

DS says that the subject teachers often fawn over them because they are in a 'popular' clique and quite charismatic in class.

I remember something similar happening at my younger dd's school. Neither of my dcs were personally bullied by these bullies, but they witnessed them frequently targeting others. I think it sends an uncomfortable message to victims when children like this are celebrated.

AIBU to think that this isn't uncommon and that many schools seem oblivious to what is really going on?

Behavioural issues that severe are a barrier to learning so fit the scope of SEN support, most children in this situation won't be experiencing the behavioural issues in isolation and they will mostly likely be related to some sort of neurodevelopment condition.

Children who have their needs identified at an early stage and receive the right SEN interventions have better outcomes than those that don't. Getting the right interventions in place can prevent the chair chucking and the bullying before it ever starts - and of course not all children with SEN are bullies or chair chuckers, my point though is that children with unidentified and unsupported needs are more likely to display negative behaviours.

When a child is at the chair hucking stage it isn't just a case of removing them from the school either, it's nowhere near as simple as that and that's especially so if a child does have identified SEN.

If you want any education system where all children receive appropriate support and timely interventions then write to your MP and tell them to push for better funding.

Often the teachers are scared of the parents of bullies and don't want the aggro that comes with disciplining the child . Some teachers are just plain selfish and just want a quiet life so will brush it all under the carpet. Bullies can be very clever good at recruiting others to do their dirty work or are very sly , very good at not getting caught by adults who think they are great because bullies can be charismatic and charming and good at getting their own way .

We are not in the Uk. In Canada so my daughter went to the school liaison officer (police) and reported it. They spoke to bully and have arranged counselling for my grandson.

Yeah but he didn’t get an intervention did he. He got preferential treatment.

I don't think playing the SEN card helps. The effects of bullying are literally life changing and unfortunatly we need to remove these children from main school education as many posters above have advocated. Violence is violence no matter the route cause and in adult life such behaviour has penalties. Trying to justify malicious behaviour through neurological difficulties and such like only penalised the victim ultimately.

Bully at DS's secondary school was made head boy. DS thought this was because he got on well with the head and she thought that he had 'turned himself around'. DS said he hadn't and he joked about it. DS was not directly bullied by him but was cold shouldered for standing up for younger ones.

@Phos

Yeah but he didn’t get an intervention did he. He got preferential treatment.

The person you were replying to had suggested he should have had an intervention not what actually happened.

My DC school had a boy who's DM is a well known athlete and TV personality. Her son was a known bully there; assaulting and verbally attacking other pupils plus smashing up younger pupils belongings. He won an award too and his only sanction was to miss a school outing. Parent status definitely worked in his favour.

It seems a lot assume the bullies in situations like this are disruptive, troubled or "little shits".

Often the most destructive bullies - the really clever ones, who do the most damage and can cut deepest, emotionally - are not. They're the "cool kids", the "popular kids", often top set, often from well-off homes. Teachers often like them, choose them, as they can turn on the charm when it suits.

And those they target, often unprovoked, are seen as having "asked for it" or been "weird" or "pathetic".

Sad thing is, it's the way the world is. But for the bullies to be lauded as respectful and kind really is a final insult to those they've made feel like shit over the years. In a few years they'll be supporting mental health and diversity on social media.

Happened in my daughters school. One girl was disruptive and often punched/kicked/pulled hair of the other children. They threatened to ban her from the Christmas nativity.

Girl was upset about that and so was angelic for a week or so. They reinstated her back into the Christmas play.

She originally was a sheep along with my daughter and another girl. As a reward, they made her role head sheep and instead of the three of them dancing in a circle on all fours, mean girl was standing up while daughter and other girl crawled around her on all fours.

Mean girl used that to continually tell daughter and other girl she was superior to them 🙄

Often the most destructive bullies - the really clever ones, who do the most damage and can cut deepest, emotionally - are not. They're the "cool kids", the "popular kids", often top set, often from well-off homes. Teachers often like them, choose them, as they can turn on the charm when it suits.

At my younger dd's Prep, a girl like this was literally chosen to be the 'poster child', appearing on all the marketing materials for the school throughout the county! God only knows what the victims of her covert nastiness felt seeing that!

Most schools don't truly give a damn as long as academic standards are met and the behaviour isn't disruptive in class. They couldn't care less what happens on the playground or on the way to & from school if they don't see it. There's too much other crap to deal with anyway so they'll ignore everything they can for a long as they can. You get the odd teacher who takes things seriously, but mostly senior management all deny there's any bullying going on or try and blame the bullied child somehow. It's immensely common, shitty behaviour.