Who's bring unreasonable here? Birthday involved

[adviceseeker22]

I've been called to go to meeting on my birthday in London. We live 5-6 hours away so it's a long way to go, however they obviously pay for my travel expenses.

We were originally thinking of going on a one night staycation for my birthday. Obviously, this new meet changes the plans, but I see it as a decent opportunity. We get some of the expenses paid, and we get to celebrate in London, win-win.

Now, DH is saying that it's too far away to go for basically one day, and I'll just have to go on my own and have my meeting.

Which then means I'll be on my own for the entirety of my birthday (bar that meeting).

I'm starting to get annoyed with him, but I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable.

Note: he was happy to spend two night in a spa hotel that is about 3 hours and a bit away.

I've suggested that, but it clashes with fathers day. He's already made plans with his other children so at least the mini break has gone out of the window

He's said he's happy to come as long as I can guarantee it's only three hours. Which I'll try to today.

There's obviously the financial side of things, the one night break was going to be at the very least £500-600 this way our city break will cost us no more than £200.

Visiting in-laws was 5-6 hour drive, which we would do with DS for a long weekend.

It’s not like OP is asking DH and DC to do this on a frequent basis. There are plenty of green spaces for DC to run off energy whilst OP is in the meeting.

Depending where you live just going on the tube could be an adventure for 3yo

Has your DH said he'll come now (on the condition it's a short meeting) simply because you've asked friends now?

No, I think he gets I'd be unhappy, and I wouldn't like to disappoint my boss.

Last year he did take the day off (and I didn't I ended up working most of it, the HV came, so it was a busy day) but he only took the day off because he felt guilty after I asked him to stay aftery cancer scare diagnose and he wouldn't. It was only after I begged him that he did, but ultimately he went to work..

I live near London. I wouldn't want to go there for the day. A 2 day break in a spa sounds amazing. Just suck it up and go alone, celebrate your birthday at the weekend instead.

I've lived in London and that's where I've been my happiest. I'm a city tat after all.

Your husband is really sucking!!!

He should add a day if one isn’t enough.

Exactly

God forbid loving adults ever do something to make their loved one happier. Divorce him immediately op, he clearly k loves you too much

If you're only going for a 2 hour social meeting why do you need to be away for 36 hours?

Ask a friend to come instead?

Because of travelling times. Need to leave home around 5-6pm the day before, and then either take the 12pm or the 2pm train. So maybe not 36hours, but definitely 24.

Before covid I used to have to travel for work meetings a few times a year. (between 6 and 8 hour drives). My husband and son used to come with me but when the meetings increased to once a month it became too much hassle for us all to go so my husband and son stopped coming with me.
He said that since he has to look after our son while I am in these work meetings then he would rather do it in our own house without the long drive each way. Which is completely fair enough.
Luckily since covid now all meetings are done online so I don't have to travel anymore.
However, this year on my birthday, I am travelling to London (from Cornwall) to see a concert. It isn't something my husband would be interested in so I am going by myself and he is staying home with our son. If it was for a work meeting he definitely wouldn't be coming with me.
I will be staying overnight, by myself, and going sightseeing by myself as well, without having to worry about my husband being bored and having to look after our son away from home.
I would just go to London by yourself, do your work meeting and then go and see anything you want to see in London and have fun by yourself.
There are 364 other days when you and your husband can do something together which doesn't involve trying to organise a birthday treat around a work meeting and travelling so far with a 3 year old.

Your husband is being a selfish misery. It could be a fun trip and a chance to make the most out of an inconvenient situation and add excitement to the long trip up. People are saying you could do birthday on another day which is true but for me it’s never the same and fgs it’s one day of the year and it’s for you. YANBU I’d be annoyed too.

Just do your birthday on a different day. You’re an adult, most adults don’t really celebrate mid-week anyway. If your boss is barely over then use the time wisely for work.

I also wouldn’t fancy a 5-6 hour trip to just look after my child on my own whilst you’re having a nice work lunch. I travel for work a lot, so do understand you’re logic.

However completely see your partners view. Also a 6 hour trip for a 3 year old got two nights is a lot more than 3 hours.

Your husband is being a selfish misery. It could be a fun trip and a chance to make the most out of an inconvenient situation and add excitement to the long trip up.

on what planet would dragging a toddler on an unnecessary trip be "fun" for anyone?

Every time we've been to London (twice in the past 6 months) he's been absolutely fine. No complaints, no issues. We even travelled with the dog one of those.

If spending 36 hours on your own is too much for you why don’t you decline the invite to the work social thing.
It sounds pointless and unnecessary anyway and to travel that far for a couple of hours seems ridiculous and an unreasonable expectation from your company.
I think using the term ‘meeting’ is a bit lose the way you’ve then described it.

Yesterday we discussed at a team meeting that it was a super pointless thing to do, and that if we have bigger plans we shouldn't feel obliged. Not going seems a bit unprofessional though IMO

goodness. I travel loads for work. I can’t imagine proclaiming I’m lonely and trying to convince my family to come with me . It’s not something men do much either.

it sounds to me like you just don’t want to go on your own so are using your birthday as an excuse to manipulate your poor husband.

be A grown up. Get the train down, stay a night in a hotel, do your meeting and train back, then celebrate your birthday another time.

I wouldn't mind going on my own any other day. As mentioned I do it every week on average. I have to go to Newcastle next week. Do I fancy the 10 hour train (maybe it's 9 hours) no, not really bit I'll get there have a pint and go to the gym.

I just really care about my birthday, I always have.