Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's bring unreasonable here? Birthday involved

122 replies

adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 10:42

I've been called to go to meeting on my birthday in London. We live 5-6 hours away so it's a long way to go, however they obviously pay for my travel expenses.

We were originally thinking of going on a one night staycation for my birthday. Obviously, this new meet changes the plans, but I see it as a decent opportunity. We get some of the expenses paid, and we get to celebrate in London, win-win.

Now, DH is saying that it's too far away to go for basically one day, and I'll just have to go on my own and have my meeting.

Which then means I'll be on my own for the entirety of my birthday (bar that meeting).

I'm starting to get annoyed with him, but I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable.

Note: he was happy to spend two night in a spa hotel that is about 3 hours and a bit away.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2023 19:31

Teeheehee1579 · 07/06/2023 11:11

gawd and he’d have to entertain your 3 year old in London (which is not much fun) whilst you are off. Presumably the spa was meant for the two of you. You must be able to see his point here, surely?

He'd have to entertain HIS 3yo in a city that has lots of 3 yos in it. Its not like London isn't suitable for children. What kind of Dad can't entertain his own kid for a few hours?

EarthlyNightshade · 07/06/2023 19:32

adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 19:23

My DH would!

Show quote history

ah ok, I thought there was an annual leave issue.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2023 19:35

adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 19:27

Anywho, he's said that next week it's too short notice, so I either tell work to suck it up (as in I was planning to go away regardless) or they have to guarantee it's only two hours.

So is he now saying he'll come, after you've made plans with friends?

GoodChat · 07/06/2023 19:35

I agree with him.
A 6 hour journey with a preschooler for a trip somewhere you wont have chosen and where you need to work sounds miserable.

Original poster
adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 19:35

EarthlyNightshade · 07/06/2023 19:32

ah ok, I thought there was an annual leave issue.

Show quote history

He'd have to work half days. (And get him in the PM)

OP posts:
Original poster
adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 19:36

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2023 19:35

So is he now saying he'll come, after you've made plans with friends?

Show quote history

Yes, he's now saying he'll come... Only one friend has confirmed though, and that one friend can easily turn into 0

OP posts:
Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 19:54

Personally I don’t care about birthdays since I’ve been an adult. I would do something at the weekend with DH and DC and just enjoy a night in a hotel by myself and explore london by myself!

GoodChat · 07/06/2023 20:24

Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 19:54

Personally I don’t care about birthdays since I’ve been an adult. I would do something at the weekend with DH and DC and just enjoy a night in a hotel by myself and explore london by myself!

But the OP does care about birthdays

Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 20:26

GoodChat · 07/06/2023 20:24

But the OP does care about birthdays

Show quote history

OPs birthday does not trump everything else eg DH and DC needs.

It reeks of childish stamp your feet behaviour. A birthday is a birthday is a birthday. She’s not 5

Ginandrosemary · 07/06/2023 20:31

I was prepared to say he was being unreasonable until I saw the 3 year old part. YABU and it won't be two hours. It will end up being longer.

Original poster
adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 20:32

Well

I do care about birthdays
I'm not the biggest fan of having to spend so much time away (but needs must)
I've had to shift all of my working patterns so the family benefits financially

When I'm away my DH does take some of the slack if nursery doesn't have the space on that particular day, but it's not guaranteed that he will. We had a bit of a fallout over a business trip to Milan. So sometimes I have to cancel business trips because it's not convenient for his job (which is fair enough), but these days my salary is 3x his, so even from a financial POV makes sense to prioritise my job.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2023 20:54

adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 19:36

Yes, he's now saying he'll come... Only one friend has confirmed though, and that one friend can easily turn into 0

Show quote history

Ah that's good.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2023 20:56

Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 19:54

Personally I don’t care about birthdays since I’ve been an adult. I would do something at the weekend with DH and DC and just enjoy a night in a hotel by myself and explore london by myself!

But OPs DH knows she DOES care, and is lonely in trips cos she's away so often.

I mean two nights people free I na hotel sounds like a dream come true for me 🤣 but I'm a SAHP with 3 yo twins and the ability to understand different things mean different things to different people

Original poster
adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 20:58

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2023 20:56

But OPs DH knows she DOES care, and is lonely in trips cos she's away so often.

I mean two nights people free I na hotel sounds like a dream come true for me 🤣 but I'm a SAHP with 3 yo twins and the ability to understand different things mean different things to different people

Show quote history

Exactly that's the whole point. He knows very well I feel lonely and my birthday is a big deal to me.

OP posts:
Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 21:01

adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 20:58

Exactly that's the whole point. He knows very well I feel lonely and my birthday is a big deal to me.

Show quote history

FaceTime them so you don’t feel lonely.

Buy yourself a birthday present.

Done. Meanwhile in the real world people have bigger problems than being mentally a 5 year old having a hissy about their birthday!

Elvis1956 · 07/06/2023 21:06

I really don't understand grown ups being so precious about their birthdays. Yes you get some of the costs covered, but what happens when the meeting overruns, or the bosses boss says let's get some lunch...Your at work, you can't just do a couple of hours and disappear

Hercisback · 07/06/2023 21:10

What am I reading?

Celebrate at a time that is convenient to everyone. Suck up the meeting because you're a grown up.

Original poster
adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 21:25

Elvis1956 · 07/06/2023 21:06

I really don't understand grown ups being so precious about their birthdays. Yes you get some of the costs covered, but what happens when the meeting overruns, or the bosses boss says let's get some lunch...Your at work, you can't just do a couple of hours and disappear

The key is that he has a lunch meeting in manchester. so this morning meeting does have an expiry date

OP posts:
Jagoda · 07/06/2023 21:29

I take my birthday very seriously, despite being late fifties. I couldn’t care less if people think it’s childish.

OP, what I don’t understand is why you hadn’t booked your birthday off work as holiday, then none of this would have happened.

I always do, and if you are similar in wanting to be sure you can celebrate properly, surely that’s the first thing you do each leave year?

SunnyCoco · 07/06/2023 21:33

Yes I can understand your husband's point of view.
If your birthday is a big deal then I'm not sure how fun it will be to celebrate it by being in a car for 6 hours with a toddler.
Maybe celebrate the week before and next year book it as AL

Original poster
adviceseeker22 · 07/06/2023 21:37

Jagoda · 07/06/2023 21:29

I take my birthday very seriously, despite being late fifties. I couldn’t care less if people think it’s childish.

OP, what I don’t understand is why you hadn’t booked your birthday off work as holiday, then none of this would have happened.

I always do, and if you are similar in wanting to be sure you can celebrate properly, surely that’s the first thing you do each leave year?

Because my DH is funny about his AL, so the idea to do something just came up a few days ago over the weekend in fact).

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2023 23:07

Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 21:01

FaceTime them so you don’t feel lonely.

Buy yourself a birthday present.

Done. Meanwhile in the real world people have bigger problems than being mentally a 5 year old having a hissy about their birthday!

Show quote history

May I suggest you set aside several hours and meticulously go through the whole of MN to tell practically everyone who posts that in the real world someone has a bigger problem?

Mamanch · 08/06/2023 05:57

Postbox87 · 07/06/2023 11:19

My OH would be more than happy for the trip to London, regardless of the distance- I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. And for pp's saying the toddler would wonder where you are/entertaining a 3 year old- it's 3 hours!! You would be gone for over 24 hours if it were just you going for work.

Exactly! 3 hours in London with a 3 yr old is great - the science museum, the natural history museum, the parks... if you'd like to go to london as a family for a mini break this seems like a good opportunity to get some of it paid for. Of course if visiting London is your idea of hell then maybe not so appealing.

rookiemere · 08/06/2023 07:32

It's not the three hours alone with toddler that's the issue to me. If they didn't come then the DH would be solo with toddler for 48 hrs.

It's the making the toddler - and DH- do a 6 hr drive each way for a two night break, and use up DHs annual leave in the process, just so an adult will not be alone on their birthday. It's clear the DH doesn't want to do it, but has capitulated presumably for an easy life to keep his DW happy.

CostelloJones · 08/06/2023 07:40

Just celebrate your birthday closer to the time - lots of people work on their birthday and celebrate at the weekend?

I think you’re making a bit of a fuss about it being your birthday when you’re an adult not a child

i can understand someone not wanting to travel that far if they don’t need to - especially if the reason you’re really only going that far is because you need to for work